How to meet old age and not go crazy

How to live when loved ones leave all the time, and how not to think every minute about death and loss

«It’s good to see you! Yesterday an old woman died on your floor, and I was sure it was you! Shoshana meets Dvora in the elevator. — What a joy! Happiness!» Both go on business: 85-year-old Shoshi goes down to the first floor to the hairdresser, and Dvora, who is two years younger than her friend, hurries to the gym to walk along the footpath.

In fact, there are two and a half things that help old people not think about death:

First — these are, oddly enough, daily inconveniences associated with the problems of loss of health and worries about preserving the grains of what is left. It takes almost all the time, it’s like going to work. It is not necessary to think every minute about death. Busy. No time to think when it hurts.

The second is the joy of the family multiplying year by year, of the visits of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. These are new impressions and emotions. It is very important. All good and right thoughts protect: “I live on the third floor, I collect all my misfortunes in a bag and throw them out of the window. After the death of my husband, I could have married ten times, but independence was more precious to me. Now I am happy. All roads are open to me!” Gaby, 87, tells me.

And half a thing more. Over the years, there are already so many more acquaintances in the «other world» than in «this one» that thoughts about the departed become ordinary and not scary, and the transition to the «other world» becomes an increasingly everyday event. And it’s not so bad.

How not to be afraid of old age and not feel horror and disgust in front of it

Very simple.

1. The main thing is to stop suffering about it! Suffering from something that is beyond our control and that we cannot change in any way is absolutely useless work. When we try to fight and resist the changes in nature that are stronger than us, unnecessary suffering begins. The elders say that if we accept changes and do not resist them, then we will be able to move to a level of wisdom that we would not have reached if we had not lived it.

2. Hence the second: if we do not have the opportunity not to grow old, we must first relax and try to see some pleasure in this. What if they are?

3. The quality of real (momentary!) life is more important than fear, disgust and horror of old age. And the further you go, the more valuable the rest. And, by the way, it doesn’t always pull back — talk to the old people and make sure.

4. Aging itself is associated with the fear of death and old age. The more we think about it and worry about it, the sooner everything will happen. You can’t think about the bad, and when it happens, you still need to try to think good about it.

“It’s terrible,” says the sad Dvora, “every day the old women at the entrance discuss who died today. And they die, they die! Every day!

“Well… why do they die right away…?” I say. — You still have a kind of kindergarten here, so you can just say: “Parents took it away”, right?

5. I personally would be afraid of old age, but just explain to me for a start, when does it come? After all, 70 years is not old age, but you only understand it at 80.

How to keep your interest in life until the last breath, not looking only at your own past

«The father of modern neurosurgery» Harvey Cushing said: «The only way to prolong life is to have a task in front of you that you must definitely complete.» Wow! That is, real, irrevocable inner old age will come only when a person begins to live with his aimless memories — not the present or the future, but the past.

Interest in life is better not to lose, regardless of the state of health. How much of it is left, of this interest! .. It must be protected. Here is Yehuda, 91, sitting in a wheelchair. We’ve known each other for almost a decade and a half. He used to be my headman, he used to prepare the workshop for the lesson. Now Yehuda is being brought to me for an hour and a half, for as long as he himself wants. For about a year now, I have been giving him a metal center punch and a small hammer. He knocks, and the punch leaves a hole in the wooden plank. In addition to this main job, we recently hammered four small nails together. I held the nail and Yehuda knocked. It was fun.

Interest and goals in life can arise in relation to anything. Yes, at least teach great-grandchildren to bake pancakes! Why not a goal?! What about volunteering? And the compilation of a family tree of the family, which we usually forget to find out from our parents in time and which we need so much later, when there is no one to ask?

How to die easily and with pleasure

I personally know only one thing: old people also have their own «age of consent» — only with death. Old people always treat her with understanding and respect from others and rejoice if she comes easy. With a hint of sadness of parting, but with an understanding of the need for what is happening.

After all, it is clear to a goat that, similarly to the impossibility of pouring amniotic fluid back into a woman giving birth and thereby stopping the process of human birth, it is also impossible to stop the process of dying. We must learn to enjoy life and enjoy death. But what to do? .. In the end, over the years, there are less and less unfamiliar things and new things to do. Death is one of them, the last.

In general, I know for sure that by helping ourselves to live, we can ease our death. You don’t have to die, you have to live. It has been verified that exactly what you most of all do not want and are afraid of, then you are destined. Therefore, I would not even think about “dying easily and with pleasure” now. I like the question “How to live easily and with pleasure?”

Source: S. Galitsky “Don’t be afraid! How to get old without going crazy” (Zakharov, 2018).