How to marry happily

To get married — do not attack, no matter how married you are not to be lost!

These are two completely different tasks: one thing is to get married, the other is to get married happily. How to get married is described in detail in the article “How to behave a girl to get married”: the article is not very kind, but realistic. The main thing in the science of “getting married” is 1) learning to weed out men who are in love, who are not going to marry in the near future, and 2) play on the male feeling of a hunter, putting yourself in front of men as a woman who needs to be achieved and conquered.

But getting married happily is another story. This is about how to find your person, how to find a worthy person, how to build and maintain warm and open relationships. If you meet such a person, you will love him, but future happiness does not begin with a feeling of love, but with your ability to understand people. Moreover, strong love is often more of a hindrance: the more we are in love, the more difficult it is for us to understand the features of the one who attracts us so much.

How to find your person? Your heart will tell you something, your head will tell you something. Strictly speaking, the heart has nothing to do with it, your body will tell you: if you are physically drawn to a person, touches excite you, and in the dance your bodies add up — well, okay, one important point has been closed. The second is how similar your habits and values ​​are, and here you need to turn on your head. If you are too different, it is better to stay in friends or love relationships, and do not fool each other’s heads. A family is more than meetings and a bed, spouses must be in the same team, they must feel each other and pull in one direction.

Important: it is best to make the decision “to marry — not to marry” at the moment of cooling the relationship. Falling in love clouds your head, but if at the moment of a quarrel you understand that you still want to live with this person for many years together, most likely you are right. To check this again, take a piece of paper and write points to your chosen one according to the following parameters:

• He is a dear friend, it is easy, interesting and sincere with him. Open and warm conversations are nice, plus at least the little things will always help.
• My man is a serious person, he is able to provide for his family and is ready to do it. You can talk about money with him, he treats money responsibly, you can rely on him and on agreements with him.
• My favorite is my protection and support. I’m not weak, but in really difficult situations I can always rely on him. He is not afraid to make responsible decisions, takes responsibility and does everything possible. I follow him like a stone wall.
• My good knows how to equip life. Whatever is needed, he will either do it himself, or organize it so that everything that is needed, everything is turned on and washed off, so that everything works and so that my head does not hurt about repairs.
• My man is a strong and gentle lover. I like!
• He is smart, energetic and takes care that we do not turn sour: it is important for him to develop both his own and mine. With him, I will be in development, and such development suits me.
• My own person will be a great father to my children. They will respect and love him, he will be able to raise healthy and intelligent people out of them.
• This man can be the head of the family. He can control himself and all of us, he is smart and strong. I’m ready to listen to him.

Men also have disadvantages, I hope you will take them into account too. No matter how in love you are, you will not marry someone who lies to you, who allows himself to be gu.e.st and intemperance. Let yourself do it now — it will be even worse in the future. So this doesn’t work for us. Bad habits, walking, alcohol — cross out immediately. He can say that he loves you, but if a can of beer is more expensive for him than you, this is not your man. If he is an exploiter or a lazy person, touchy or depressed, not prestigious or a slob, always with claims or a jailer, deprives you of your freedom and friends — think three times if you need such a gift. You can get married, but next to such a happy you will not become. «We don’t have any others!» Yes, probably, but that doesn’t mean anything. If you set such a task, then it is quite possible to get access to really worthy men.

Smart women always choose, but the choice is not easy: this one likes and suits, but what if my dream is ahead of me? But maybe he doesn’t wait, but this one is willing to everything … A titmouse in the hands or a crane in the sky? You don’t want to agree to a compromise, but you will choose too long, you can be left with nothing at all. How right? Remember the decision: estimate the total number of possible applicants and divide by three. The resulting number is the number of those you should reject. After that, take anyone who will be better than all the previous ones.

If this person suits you and you know how to negotiate with him, you have good chances for a strong relationship and a strong family. This is the basis of love, but it is not love yet. And if you were only in love, you know, falling in love soon passes. But whether your relationship will come to love is a question about something else, where your ability to love is important first of all, that is, to live in the soul of another and think first of all about his interests.

Like this? And here it is: not worrying about how much you get or not getting, but care about what you give in a relationship or not yet give. Maybe you are lucky, an absolutely wonderful person fell in love with you, burns with feelings and made you an offer. Hooray? Not obvious. Question: Does he need you? Touchy, not restrained, you don’t know how to cook … Imagine that he marries you with a fool — it seems to be joy, but after six months he wakes up, understands that he “hit” — and after that you already got it. In order not to get into such a situation, learn to love: teach yourself warmth, endurance and ordinary human gratitude, accustom yourself to take care of the interests of your loved one, and only then will you be next to someone who is ready to take care of your interests.

A specific hint: be sure to discuss the family agreement questionnaire together, and already during this discussion, learn to negotiate, thinking not only about your own interests, but first of all thinking about who you love. Are you in love?

And if you are not a coward, if you believe in yourself and in your man, you can ask your beloved a very cool question … An ordinary girl will never ask this most important, most serious question without prompting, but you can. Looking a man straight in the eye, ask him seriously about the prospects for your relationship: “Please tell me, how many years will you love me? Number? Can you tell me the number of years I can count on?» Strange as it may seem to girls, men — adults and serious men — understand this question completely. If a young man turns sour from this question or is strangely surprised — he is not quite a man yet, keep this in mind. And if you have been answered this question seriously, you can congratulate yourself: next to you is a real man. You have someone to rely on.

And now — one of the most difficult points: exactingness. Now they talk a lot about unconditional love, but this is about something else and not now. It doesn’t matter if you are already married or it’s ahead, but you are now in a relationship, now a man is passionate about you and is ready for a lot for you … This is a golden, rare, unique time when he is looking for how he needs to be around you, when for your sake a man is ready to take care of himself and even change: this time cannot be missed! Namely, follow the format: when your loved one behaves properly, like a loving and worthy man, you must be worthy of him and give him care, warmth and joy. But if a man allowed himself to be disrespectful to you, went beyond the boundaries of what you consider possible, there should be an instant and tough protest on your part. Soft in form, hard in essence — but a protest. For example, your loved one began to drink a little, returned to the habit of smoking — we react to this immediately on the forehead, we are categorically against it and in such a situation — no meetings!

But at the same time, call, write, just don’t talk at all, but keep this topic in the center: “I love you, I want to live with you, but my husband doesn’t drink or smoke. Yes?»

Follow the format. Yes, women are afraid, yes, it’s hard for them to say it out loud even without anyone, but if you want real prospects and family happiness, you must learn to speak like that and like that — demanding! — behave. Can you handle it? Your future depends on it.

Is it possible, with such a demanding and strong behavior of a woman, to make a man the head of the family? It is possible and necessary: ​​despite the fact that in everyday situations you are cute and sweet, soft and gentle, you can be different, and if your man is lazy, slows down and behaves not like a man, not like the head of the family, you look him right in eyes and ask: “Is that you talking? Can’t you make it? I do not believe. A man will always cope with this, my beloved man — definitely. Head of the family, don’t slow down! I will go to you to make compote, and then you will come and tell about all your victories. In short, kiss me and go! My man is my pride!”

Do not believe when you are told that a man will only be strong if a woman is weak. It’s not like that at all. Once upon a time, playing weak and defenseless is one thing, men like it, but if a woman behaves like this all the time, it’s not just bad, it’s worse than the worst horror. Oddly enough, men hate weak women, because it is really very difficult to live with them.

So, is it possible to talk so demandingly with a man? With a real man you can, he will only respect you even more from this. Only one condition — such conversations and such a tone do not sound more than once a month. Better yet, once every six months. You can strain men, but only on condition that in ordinary everyday communication you are only joy and support for him. Always a pleased face and shining eyes, look at him with admiration, a soft and quiet voice, neat non-categorical intonations — you talk to him with respect. Do not talk about trifles, learn the magic phrases “Yes, dear! OK honey! As you say, so be it, dear! Instead of throwing out your feelings and monologues, ask specific questions and listen to what they answer.

The only thing is, can you handle it? Here you need to take care of yourself and control yourself. To begin with, you can set yourself a very simple and extremely specific indicator: every day you must ask your loved one at least TEN TIMES: “What do you think?” Try to record each case in writing: did it … asked … Oh, the day has already passed! — and you will understand that being attentive to your speech is not an easy thing. Yes, but did someone promise you that happiness is given for free? Need to work!

So: one of the main things that distinguishes women who are happy in marriage from the rest of the majority is just the understanding that the family is work. There should be discipline here, there should not be uncontrollable emotions, resentment, and even more so tantrums. Do you allow yourself to do this at work? So it can’t be at home. A real woman has two jobs: one during the day when she works at work, and the second in the evening when she comes home. And you understand that for a wise woman, the second job is more important. This is the most important job where professionalism and attentiveness are required from a woman. Attentiveness to being the Sun, not to frown, to do things according to plan, and not as you remember at the last moment, to play sports and take care of your rest, to go to bed on time and always be beautiful. Whenever your loved one looks at you, you sit beautifully, you have a cute expression on your face, and you are happy!

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Try it! This is more than a real recipe for the most reliable female happiness. Read «How to Be a Good Wife» — and learn this wonderful science!

I wish you happiness!

The theme of love and relationships, like most of the exercises mentioned in the article, we are working with students at the University of Practical Psychology. On the one hand, this is a two-year professional training of coaches, consultants and trainers, on the other hand, these are two years of personal development and thinking. There I, Professor Nikolai Ivanovich Kozlov and Marina Smirnova work personally. Interesting — sign up for a demo training and start learning.

Test «I am the Sun»

The “I am the Sun” test is a convenient way to find out your prospects for family happiness. Only a woman who is a Queen herself will meet her King. And what can you expect? By answering simple questions, you will receive a portrait of a man that you can claim. If you are ready to work on yourself, we will also give you recommendations on what you should pay attention to in order to make your personal life happier. Take the test…

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.