After the first euphoric times, when the partner is idealized, friction inevitably appears. How to manage a conflict in the couple? Here are some tips to limit the inconvenience of everyday life.

Rare are the couples who do not argue. Stress at work, fatigue or even loss of patience with children: many factors can negatively influence the relationship. Sometimes seemingly innocuous arguments cover up big points of contention. However, even in this particular case, a calm discussion is much better than a succession of nasty words and door slamming.

The beginning of a conflict situation is shaped by two. Intonation of voice, misplaced thinking, hasty gestures: the signs of the beginning of a quarrel are easily recognizable. Whether you’re emitting them or they’re coming from your partner, you can defuse them by acting quickly: calmly announce that you don’t want to argue, walk out of the room, go for a walk. Taking a little time to think about the situation or on the contrary, think about something else and put things into perspective is important. A “hot” reaction is often regretted, unlike a well-considered reaction.

Exceeding impulse is to refrain from uttering nastiness that you do not think, it is to succeed in calming down so as not to make things worse.

If the conflict does break out anyway, keep a cool head at all times and do whatever it takes to be fair. If your partner doesn’t wash the dishes often, that doesn’t mean he never does. This difference in vocabulary is major: if you exaggerate, he will feel unfairly attacked and react accordingly.

Better for example to ask him why this time, he could not wash the plates. His answers can help you see more clearly and understand his behavior. A partner who is not attacked is more likely to open up to dialogue than if he feels devalued and attacked. Thanks to this communication, you will start on a healthy basis and you will open a dialogue instead of simply expressing your annoyance.

Is there a tension between you and you need to let it express itself? A rule of thumb is never to “wash your dirty laundry” in public. If you are at a dinner party, or in any social setting, keep up appearances as long as you are surrounded, even if it means avoiding yourself or moving away if the configuration allows it.

There are advantages to not reacting hotly: you might both be calmed down when you find yourself alone. You will be able to approach more serenely the subject of the attitude or the remark which hurt you. In addition, arguing in public tends to encourage speaking up more quickly, or wanting others to take sides; especially since there is nothing more hurtful than being humiliated in front of spectators.

The first cause of conflict is poor communication. It’s easy to get caught up in everyday life and forget to devote some time to your relationship. When communication closes, dissatisfaction only translates into arguments. To prevent conflict, don’t forget to discuss, to inquire about how your partner is feeling, to know what they are going through. Don’t hesitate to verbalize your own insecurity, especially if you are going through a stressful or conflict-prone time.

Was your intonation a little harsh? Did you interrupt your partner to talk about you? Did you completely forget to come and buy what he asked for? Apologies are not straightforward and are never tacit: make it clear that you are sorry. Thus, you prevent an involuntary reflection or thoughtlessness from turning into a big argument. And if the conflict was inevitable, once the tension has subsided, admit your wrongs, possibly admit your bad faith and multiply the gestures of love. Generally speaking, the more your words got beyond your thought, the more aggressive / aggressive you were, the faster you have to apologize. Do not wait several days because the resentment or the injury then has time to build in your partner.

Benevolence is a primordial feeling to develop within the couple: it is in its name that many conflicts are aborted. However, arguments in a couple, unless they are recurrent or violent, are neither alarming nor dramatic: they allow to release the tension and to start again on good bases.