How to make Valentine’s Day unforgettable: advice from a sexologist

Remember all

Romance is closely related to intimacy. When people live together for a long time, they get used to it and stop being interested in each other. The feeling of closeness seems to be “overwritten”.

Try to remember those moments when you just started dating or living together. You started a relationship, and there was a lot of romance, a lot of passion or tenderness.

It is not without reason that nature has given us this hormonal “script” of falling in love. Memories of the period when love was «chemistry» is the emotional «golden stock» of the couple. He gives support in difficult periods when there is not enough romance or people quarrel. It is always useful to remember how it all began, to plunge into the past, when it was good for both the soul and the body.

There are simple ways to evoke those memories and bring back that bodily state. Many couples have their own «special» song that they both react to. Or a place where they were happy together. Special signs, words. Some things only they understand that arose or acquired a special meaning in those days. Food, flavors, visuals…

Remember on Valentine’s Day what brought you both joy. By stimulating your receptors, you can literally return to the period of your love. The scent of perfume and a beautiful sunset can take you back to a romantic past. And, perhaps, everything happened not at all in the square next to the house, but on the sea, but it doesn’t matter. The main thing is that your memory has already “turned on”, revived the desired sensations.

To flirt in vain

Think about the last time you flirted with each other. They winked, looked in a special way, hugged or slapped on the priest with erotic overtones … Unfortunately, over time, flirting disappears from the life of a couple, but it is it that is very important for maintaining desire and mutual interest.

This is both an element of sexuality and an element of excitement, and actions of a sexual nature are not at all obligatory. Flirting is impossible not to respond. And it is worth including it in everyday life, not only on holidays.

Once a charming man of about 70 years old flirted with me. I am married and do not cheat on my spouse, but it was pleasant for me to flirt back — after all, this is such a game that shows a certain mutual choice. And it is pleasant for all participants.

Talk about love

And this eventually disappears from the relationship. It’s like if people live together for a long time and/or are married, they don’t need to tell each other how they feel. Necessary!

Talk about how you love each other, what you miss. Talk about your fantasies, even if you have repeated all these words more than once. It’s always nice, it brings you closer. And yes, this is also an element of the game that “raises the degree” in a relationship. And Valentine’s Day is a great time to re-start that conversation.

Chat with yourself

The whole world has been living in changed conditions and deprivation for a year now, many people are struggling with depression, and there is still not enough sun. All this affects our physical and emotional state. So you need to support yourself.

So now the first priority is to flirt with yourself. How long has it been since you went out and walked… skipping or shaking your hips? How long have you noticed colors, sounds and smells in a familiar landscape, something new? How long have you been dressing up, doing makeup or doing your hair just for yourself? Try to devote at least a minute to yourself on this day, and you will see how it will affect your loved one.

Perhaps it is more important to start the revival of romance not even with a partner, but with just such a flirtation — with life and with yourself. This adds strength and excitement, inspires further action.

Tell yourself how you love yourself, do good and pleasant things for yourself, remember the moments of intimacy with yourself when you felt good. This will give new resources to relationships in a couple.

See your partner differently

Even if you live together for 20 years, something happens to each of you. And even if you both work remotely from the same apartment, there are areas where you do not touch, where you do something separately from each other. In those moments you change, each in your own way. Moreover, remember how many years your loved one lived before meeting you. Probably, even half a lifetime is not enough to tell about what happened to him.

Try to look at your partner a little differently. Sometimes the simplest ways help — for example, change the angle of view. Literally. From the height of your growth, you most often see it in the same perspective. There is an exercise in which people are asked to change the position of the body in space in order to see the beloved from different angles.

Surprisingly, you will discover something new in a familiar person. This also applies to the inner world. Try asking questions you’ve never asked, pique your curiosity about him. It affects communication and arousal. After all, intimacy is important in romance, and sex is not limited to penetrations.

Look for new paths to another

Did you know you can have sex with your eyes? Sometimes it is much nicer than the usual options. Research shows that sex is possible without an erection, and yes, it is also pleasurable. It happens that excitement comes at the moment of caresses^*. You were not in the mood to do it, but you just enjoy being close to your partner, he somehow hugs you and says something that you feel like a desire arises.

There are many different forms of sex, many more than traditional penetrative intercourse, and it is worth remembering this. Try to find one of them today.

Choose a partner

Cancel all obligations. Even if on Valentine’s Day you do not have enough strength or resources to arrange a romantic evening, have sex — think: what is the main thing? The main thing is that you are together.

It was on this day in the morning that you woke up and chose to stay with each other. Perhaps this is what love is — every day to choose to be together. Look at each other. Look into your eyes and gently touch each other … Hug and maybe playfully lightly slap on the pope. Say you love. It will be a great start to the day, and how it ends is up to you.

Of course, this is not about violence, but only about situations in which both partners agree to intimacy.