How to make a request to be heard

A request is made when you need something, but the person does not owe you, when there was no contract and no one can confirm the validity of your expectations. The request is the formulation of expectations, as it were, from the position of the weak, as if from a position from below … Why “as if”? Because often this is just slyness. Because some requests sound so strong that it is very difficult, almost impossible, to refuse a request.

Often you can notice a variety of little tricks when formulating a request, sometimes a manipulative plan: a gentle look and hands that a girl puts on a young man’s chest when she really asks for something important to her; communicative eyeliners that help create the right context, an interesting vision, a desirable mood … How to relate to them? Like tools that are dangerous in some hands, but beautiful in others.

A well-formulated request is a request that is polite, beautiful, strong, reasonable, and calm, not trembling with fear of rejection. At the same time, how soft should the request really be? It depends on the situation and the relationship between people. Sometimes, when making a request, people specifically emphasize the optionality of their appeal, with an approximate meaning: “I would be pleased, but this is not very important, and if it is difficult for you, then you definitely don’t need to do anything.” And in other cases, a “persuasive request” may sound, in fact, a synthesis of a request and a demand, where a justified warm request sounds outwardly, but in fact it is easy to hear a rather tough demand behind it.

“And you, Stirlitz, I will ask you to stay …”

However, no matter how “convincingly” the request is formulated, according to the rules of ethics, it is impossible to insist on your request. This is not ethical. The one who insists on his request behaves in conflict, while the one who objects to the insistence is right. Polite people are grateful for the satisfaction of the request, and in case of refusal, they apologize for the trouble. Did not go to meet you — they have the right. Everything is fine, no one owes anything to anyone, there is no internal tension, there will be no external conflict, they relaxed and fell behind.

“No one owes anything to anyone” is one of the life principles. If interpreted correctly, the principle “No one owes anything to anyone” is the basis of civilized relations, if incorrectly interpreted, it is a convenient defense for egoists and Parasites.

Very often people think that they are making a request, when in fact they sound something completely different. «He said once, he said twice, but he still won’t clean things up!— This is a different situation, this is not a request, but a demand and insistence.

insistence requirements

Requests are most common in relationships of close people. As a rule, in a normal relationship, it is enough to ask, and if the request is understandable, justified and not difficult, they will meet you halfway. If you are not being met, then you may have a broken relationship. Sometimes the reason is different — a person has personal problems and he is not up to you. And it happens that you applied badly or unsuccessfully: harshly, or at the wrong time, or tactlessly. It’s not scary: apologize, and next time adjust the appeal, find a more optimal form.

If you don’t know how, it’s okay to ask. For example: “Tell me, I probably turned to you unsuccessfully. How can I do it better next time so that you don’t get angry and listen to me?”

And how can a girl turn to a man so that he brings her flowers to a meeting? It’s easy for a girl, if a man is interested in her, she can simply open her eyes in surprise towards him: “And the flowers? To me — and without flowers? What young people! There will be no kiss until you bring me the most beautiful rose! One — but the most beautiful.

It is a little more difficult with a similar request to turn a woman to an adult man if they are already in a relationship, and he almost fundamentally does not give her flowers. The magic time of the first dates is missed, he has no habit of giving flowers. How to contact him with such a request? This can be done in a fun way. When you make an appointment by SMS, write to him: “And I will have a request for you today. The request is definitely small, honestly small, it will not be difficult for you, but I want to ask you what you promised me: I will ask you for something, and you will fulfill it for me. Will you do it?» Rather, the man will not immediately agree, he will answer: “What is it about? Expand your request, please!» There is no need to be offended, here you can gently, but rest: “Promise just like that. Remember, I’m not harmful, but good, and the request is small. Will you do it?» The answer will be: «I will do it!»

Well and good!

Please wash the dishes

The simplest, of course, is: “Wash the dishes, please!”. A little warmer like this: “Native, help me please, could you wash the dishes?” If it’s not about the husband helping his wife, but fulfilling the agreement that everyone washes the dishes for himself, then the simplest form is: “Darling, I am acting as a reminder — you wanted to wash the dishes. I love you!»

There may be more fun options. For example, the courtesy game:

“My dear husband, please wash the dishes after you, as is customary with us.”

— Honorable wife, without fail, right after football. Please do not make me unnecessary remarks — annoying.

“Sorry for the reminder, just a desire to hasten the onset of order.

Another option is the game «Coloboks are investigating.» We act out a theatrical production, join the role and start a conversation in the third person. For example:

— Listen, such an interesting story happened here, help me figure it out 🙂 (intrigue)

— Let’s try.

— One very good wife came home to the dearest, beloved and wonderful husband. Once upon a time, they agreed that he would wash the dishes after him. She sees dirty dishes in the sink and worries. She loves her husband, he violated his obligations …. probably something serious happened to him … maybe he saved the world … .. maybe he needs help? (etc. how much fantasy is enough …. during the conversation, you can get on your knees, hug)

— I think he was tired at work, he saved the entire department from certain death … he had a very difficult day and now he really wants his wife to forget about the dishes altogether, come up, hug and kiss her husband.

“Great, thanks, you helped me a lot, I’ll tell her so!” (usually at this point both are already laughing).