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The longer we know a partner, the more we get used to him. Novelty disappears from relationships, they risk becoming routine. Eight ideas to help avoid this, from blogger Suzanne Kahn.
Relationships and marriage require our full commitment, time, effort, patience. And also the ability to forgive, find a compromise and give without demanding anything in return. Yes, it is not an easy job, but the result is worth all the effort. And a good relationship in a couple is a living relationship in which there is a mutual curiosity of partners. Here are some ways to stay attractive to each other:
Pass the tests
- Are you able to maintain intimacy in relationships?
1. Be “here and now”
And this does not mean just spending more time with your loved one or being in the same room with him. In the modern world, sometimes, being in the same apartment, we are as far from each other as if we lived in different cities. The reason for this detachment is gadgets. When one communicates with friends using a laptop, and the second one watches the Instagram feed from a smartphone, there can be no talk of any kind of intimacy. And some go as far as texting each other like “Can you bring me some tea?” How soon will the relationship go out, where the partners are silent, illuminated by the bluish screens of gadgets? Turn off the sound on all electronic devices. When you start watching a movie or a new season of Game of Thrones, don’t sit on opposite ends of the couch. Hug, feel the warmth of each other. Social media will have to wait.
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- How to maintain intimacy and sexual relations in a couple
2. Learn to be a good listener
Your loved one is telling a story, and you are just waiting for the moment when he will pause to insert his comment? He continues the story, but you are busy coming up with a new line and again waiting for the moment when you can say something. Stop thinking only about yourself and learn to listen to him. Your partner will instantly appreciate it, he will notice it by the lively interest in his eyes, where he had previously seen only frantic searches for the right cue or story. Stop interrupting your loved one, and you will notice how unspoken irritation and negativity will leave your relationship.
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- 5 ways to build relationships as a couple
3. Pay attention to how you look
Remember what outfits your loved one especially praised. Does he think blue suits you especially? Does she lose her head at the sight of you in a dress shirt? Why not make your partner happy and wear exactly what he likes today? This will let your loved one know that you value his opinion and want to please him.
4. Aim for simplicity
How many times have you tried to talk about something, but lost the thread of the story? Before you start talking, build a rough outline of the story in your head. So you can tell your partner all the most important things. Don’t worry that he won’t understand. If you have known each other for more than a year, then the power of mutual understanding is so strong that you can easily understand each other at a glance.
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- Learn to love
5. Date each other
When you first met, you talked non-stop on dates, trying to get to know each other better. Now that you’ve known your partner for many years, it may seem like there’s no need for dating anymore. In fact, you live together, why go on dates? However, it is this scheduled time just for the two of you that keeps the spark going in the relationship. Try to get out for dinner at a restaurant at least once a month, dress up, plan the date in advance. Oh yes, and it is on this evening that you allow yourself to eat anything, for the sake of such an occasion, you can forget about the diet.
Children, careers, bills, credit, mortgages, and all other chores take a lot of energy and sometimes become the main topic of conversation at dinner. Sometimes it seems to us that the greater the burden of responsibility and everyday worries, the more difficult it is to go towards your dream. But believe me, nothing relaxes like talking about desires and what we would like to do. Let this be the final theme of your evening conversations. But remember that you are not the only one to share your dreams. Let your partner talk first, so you won’t be tempted to monologue all evening.
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- Keep the fire of desire
7. Little things mean a lot
To surprise a loved one and remind him of your feelings, it is not necessary to make expensive gifts. A bathtub carefully filled by the time he came home from work. A declaration of love on a sticker, nested between the pages of the diary. Breakfast in bed. Take the kids to their parents for a romantic weekend getaway.
8. Go to bed reconciled
Everyone has bad days. We all take it out on a loved one sometimes. But no matter how angry you are and no matter how much you want to wait for an apology from your partner, do not go to bed in a quarrel. Go to a truce yourself, look for compromises, respect the opinions and feelings of the other. Find your own way to calm down and postpone a serious conversation until another time.
See more at PsychCentral publications.