How to Maintain Emotional Health Under Any Circumstances

The developer of rational-emotional-behavioral therapy (REBT), psychotherapist, author of the book “How to Maintain Emotional Health in Any Circumstances” Albert Ellis suggests that each of us first learn the rules of independence. It is they who will become a formula of resilience that you can rely on in turbulent times, which is especially important during a pandemic.

4 rules of independence

1. Circumstances do not cause us suffering, we do it ourselves with our attitude towards them. How to perceive events in troubled times and how to act is up to us.
2. If you do not want to suffer, stop demanding from life, others and yourself to meet your desires. Your desires do not rule the world.
3. If you do not like something in your own life or in the world and you want to change these circumstances – act. Things change the world, not demands.
4. In any circumstances, do what depends on you. This is your responsibility.

In ordinary life, according to the psychotherapist, we ourselves drive ourselves into a state of anxiety, which means that only we ourselves can restore calmness. Don’t expect outside help. Follow some effective practices that will help reduce anxiety and get rid of fears.

Do what you fear

Many things can really scare us. However, among our fears there are also unfounded – irrational or dysfunctional. For example, some of us are afraid to go to job interviews, don’t want to tell even close friends about ourselves, or can’t stay in the dark.

What to do if you become hostages of just such anxiety? Actively challenge your irrational beliefs about “dangerous” actions, and give reasons why it’s not scary. It is best to write down these arguments and refer to them from time to time. There will come a day when you feel that you are able to try to do what you are so afraid of.

You can work on your fears gradually and reduce your anxiety levels little by little. For example, quietly trying to go on dates and job interviews or start talking to friends. The more often you make these attempts, the better.

Break the flow of disturbing thoughts

In moments of intense anxiety, it is difficult to maintain a healthy emotional state. In these cases, Albert Ellis recommends using the “time out” technique. It will help us interrupt the flow of disturbing thoughts and emotions, rethink them and improve our condition.

This technique will be especially useful when you are experiencing aggression towards a loved one, and he is angry with you. Under the influence of emotions, you can say a lot of unpleasant words to each other or do something impulsively, and this usually leads to unpleasant consequences.

In such cases, it is better to take a break for 20 minutes or more, go to different rooms, be in silence, think about what is happening, and then return to the conversation.

These simple practices will help control destructive thoughts, make you worry and worry less about adverse events, and teach you how to solve practical problems on your own. With REBT, you will be able to consciously control your anxiety, increase your vigilance, and avoid panic. After a while, you will notice that it has become easier for you to open up to new things, you get more joy and pleasure from life.

This article is based on the book How to Maintain Emotional Health in Any Circumstance by Albert Ellis (Peter, 2022).