How to maintain and improve relationships in a couple?

Among the many rules for two that can be carved on tablets – or at least written on a cheat sheet – coach Leonid Krol identifies 12 “points of value.”

1. Check how you see the future

This can be done either orally, to yourself, or out loud, with a partner. One option is to think something over, write it down on paper, and then discuss it with a partner. And the most ingenious solution is to make it in the form of a love letter. Even if it seems ridiculous and your current relationship does not imply this.

2. Don’t be afraid to be funny

More humor and smiles. These fish swim only in clean water. If you are too serious, demanding a lot, out loud and to yourself, check if it’s time to clear the pond of mud.

3. Talk to yourself

This is different from “repeat-mumble records”. Take breaks, cultivate a time when you have nothing to do and you can look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.

4. Play with each other

More common games with a partner, but in such a way that the emotions are real and the joy is new. Make up games! Do not be consumers, creativity is more than appropriate here. Make something together (saw firewood without getting tired), play table tennis, dance. Spend time together, thereby signing the importance of this “superfluous and random, but so necessary.”

5. Adhere to the principle of “be realistic – demand the impossible”

Imagination and desires are what revitalizes you and loved ones. Demand quietly, but in such a way that it can be heard. And if they don’t hear you, then maybe it’s you.

6. Share important things with each other

There are two buckets on the “yoke of life” that you carry: a bucket of imagination, your inner world, and a bucket of realism. It’s good when you can balance and carry them easily. Share both with your partner, but don’t forget to use your imagination, no matter which “bucket” you prefer right now.

If it seems to you that the other has lost the ability to love, check if you yourself know how to love, “here and now”

7. Don’t show your partner the bill

If you have begun to consider who and what gives and what is missing, know that this is just your anxiety turned on. Focus on it, not on what you think is content. When a person “sorts things out”, he is overwhelmed with them, and it seems to him that he is acting, but in fact he is walking in a circle.

8. Don’t be afraid to get old

Travel through the ages in your mind, watch how people transition into adulthood and age beautifully, don’t get stuck in glamorous youthful looks. If you are afraid of age, look into this fear as if into a mirror, do not turn away: a direct and long look is always better than shifty eyes.

9. Talk about feelings

Talk, choose words, be as sincere as possible, talk about what is interesting for you and your partner. Talk about boring details. Don’t be lazy to look for them. But most importantly, talk about feelings. If you are not being listened to, choose other words, be even more sincere. Feelings always hurt if they are genuine.

10. Work with annoyance

Where there is life, there will also be rubbish – it just needs to be cleaned up. The job of cleaning up the trash in a relationship is your job, not the housekeeper’s. You should not shift it to another, you should not be lazy to do it yourself.

11. Learn to Express Your Thoughts Directly

Be witty and don’t be afraid to hurt your partner. Sometimes it’s better to hurt, but to surprise a lot by unexpectedly opening a window. There may be blooming lilacs outside the open window.

12. Before asking a partner a question, ask yourself

Think more often about what you want, where you are, what you can give and what you will receive as a gift. If it seems to you that the other has lost the ability to love, check whether you yourself know how to love “here and now” or set special conditions.

About expert

Leonid Krol — psychologist, coach, trainer, business consultant, director and lead trainer of the Klass Personnel Training Center. His broker.

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