How to love yourself by accepting your body

Mental state is a part of our health, no less important than physical state. Anxiety, fears, a constant desire to prove something to ourselves and others – this is a false facade behind which we cover up problems.

These problems can and should be solved in order to eventually give yourself the opportunity to simply live without envy and worry in vain, feeling joy inside as an endless source of energy.

The search for the meaning of life is one of the signs that not everything is in order. For a harmonious person, meaning appears by itself – from feelings, sensations and experiences. But inner harmony will not arise by itself. The basis for it can either be laid down in childhood or developed already in adulthood. The second option will require conscious effort.

In childhood, our emotions, desires and feelings are most vivid and pure. During this period, the foundation of all future life is formed. However, during these years we are not independent: we depend on parents, relatives, educators and older comrades.

If a child was denied support and love, if he did not have an outlet, there was no way out for negative emotions – and in childhood everything is very bright, even pain – then such an onslaught on the child’s “I” will lead to the appearance of protective mechanisms of the psyche. A strong but unreal “I” is formed, with which the child hides from the world.

Having lost his “I” behind a pile of masks, a person begins to prove to himself and others the significance of a false, unreal self by all possible means.

At the same time, the real “I” remains lonely and unappreciated by anyone, which gives rise to many internal conflicts. Therefore, external success is often associated with severe internal pain.

The problem is aggravated by the fact that even having subjugated those around him, having created a seemingly favorable environment around him, a person with a true “I” driven inside will not be able to receive true love from others until he loves himself.

The ability to feel, love and accept yourself is the basis that allows you to subsequently love someone else and accept love from others.

Without accepting ourselves, we block the source of our own feelings, replacing them with gray fakes. As a result, we destroy both our own personality and the personality of those around us.

At the same time, we feel pain all the time, but it is driven inside, and then makes us hurt others.

This circle is endless, and there is only one way out of it – love.

To love is to allow yourself to be yourself. Remove false identities, abandon the protection built up over the years, accept your loved ones, find those who value you, and not your masks. Reclaiming love is no easy task. But the result is worth any effort. I propose to do an exercise from bodily therapy, which will help you learn to respect and love yourself and your body. This is a practice based on the exercises of Alexander Lowen.

1. Start appreciating your body

Divide a sheet of paper in half to make two columns. On one side, list 20 things you value about your body: long neck, strong shoulders, thick hair, good digestion, strong arms, large breasts, good eyesight, great coordination, dainty fingers, etc.

If you can’t list 20, write ten. If this is a lot, then write five. And if it is difficult to list at least five, find at least two features (but no less).

Once you’ve done that, put in the other column just one thing you don’t like about your body. Take a look at your list. And allow yourself to appreciate the body more than to condemn.

2. Drain negative thoughts

If you find it difficult to create such a list, make a positive statement about your body, even if it seems strange: for example, “I love my stomach.” Then write down each critical statement to the contrary until you exhaust all negative thoughts.

Once you’ve done that, repeat the positive statement and try adding another one to it.

3. Rediscover your body

Close your eyes and carefully move your thoughts through the body from top to bottom and from bottom to top. Is there a part you skipped too fast? Is there anything you have rejected and not included in your body image? Is there an area that you don’t feel, perhaps not even knowing that you have rejected it?

Is there anything that you don’t like and call disgusting or unpleasant? Pay attention to this area. Does it have a distinctive feature: color, sound, sight, temperature, structure, density, tension, or any other sensations?

4. Fill yourself with love

Now, with each breath, fill your heart with energy from whatever sacred source you believe in. With each exhalation, direct love from the heart into the rejected or insensitive area. Breathe until you notice a change.

Do you feel like you have softened? Do you have compassion for yourself? Has the color, quality, image, or feel of the rejected area changed?

Try to repeat the exercise every day for a week. To consolidate the result, it is desirable to do the exercise for 40 days without interruption.