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What techniques will help win over the interlocutor? Communication is an art, having mastered it, you can get what you want from a person, reach agreements or strengthen relationships by becoming closer. Active listening is available to everyone – these simple guidelines will help them master it.
“The surest way to a person’s heart is to talk to him about what he values above all,” wrote Dale Carnegie, educator, psychologist and creator of the theory of conflict-free communication.
As a rule, we are all busy with ourselves and talk more than we listen. But in order for communication to be successful, it is necessary to show interest in the opinion, in the life of another. Psychologists talk about active listening skills, especially important for those who are raising children and adolescents.
Our friends, spouses, and parents want attention too—giving them a chance to speak out makes the connection with each one deeper and more meaningful.
In business, the ability to listen to an interlocutor is a skill necessary for achieving personal success. But at the right moment, switching to listener mode is not always easy.
These 8 tips will help you tune in to the right wave.
1. Show sincere attention
Each person is a whole world. And if the interlocutor is your spouse or child, then a sincere interest in each other really brings you closer. Try to imagine that at this moment you are making a discovery, awaken your curiosity about how a person lives. If you have a business partner in front of you, then it is in your interest to better understand him, so that it will be easier to negotiate in the future.
2. Don’t Interrupt With Leading Lines
When a child talks about a conflict with classmates, do not interrupt him with a sudden question, “By the way, what is your algebra test?”. Treat his frankness with respect and care and let him finish the story. You will ask about the assessment later, but this way you will not lose the trust of the interlocutor and will be able to find out what worries him.
3. Don’t switch the conversation to yourself
It is not worth interfering in a lively story of a colleague who has returned from vacation with the words “and I also went to the sea last year”, shifting the focus to yourself. You will still not capture his attention and demonstrate that you are not interested in the end of his story. An unfinished action is remembered for a long time (this is called the Zeigarnik effect), so there are high chances that he will remain resentful or angry.
4. Think about what you hear before answering.
The topic of conversation can be neutral or hot. In this case, it will be difficult to remain a calm listener. There may be a trigger in the words of the interlocutor that will cause you a strong reaction and even distort perception.
For example, if your husband tells you how he was cut off on the road, you don’t need to immediately boil up at the mention that a woman was driving: “Do you think I’m a bad driver too ?!” and attack him: “But we are less likely to exceed the speed limit.” Try to track your reactions and think: he did not want to hurt you, but just to share. Perhaps then you can not provoke a quarrel and calmly summarize: “So you noticed that this woman rearranged late because she was typing a message on her smartphone?”
5. Ask leading questions
If the interlocutor is not too talkative or finds it difficult to choose words to express emotions, ask leading questions. This is a particularly useful skill in communicating with children, for example: “So, Serezha came today with a new typewriter? Did you play with him?
6. Give feedback by paraphrasing the interlocutor
It is important for the person who shared with you to understand that he was understood correctly. You can let him know that you have listened carefully and heard him. Try to start your “feedback” by paraphrasing in your own words what you heard: “It turns out that the new colleague immediately showed character and caused your irritation?”
7. Connect non-verbal communication
Looking at the interlocutor, nodding your head, your whole posture can show him that you are listening with great interest.
8. Summarize
When the story is finished, you can pause and summarize what you heard. This will include feedback: you will show how you understood the interlocutor, and manifestations of empathy, empathy with his feelings. By voicing a summary of the conversation, you correctly take the initiative in your own hands and gain control over the situation – bring the conversation to an end, delve into the topic or change it.
“You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than you could make in two years by trying to get other people interested in your specialty,” said Dale Carnegie, and the success of many confirms his words.