Many of us would like to better understand what those with whom we communicate think and feel. This ability, which psychologists call empathy, can be developed independently.
“I can’t imagine why he did this” … “I don’t understand your feelings!” Many of us, even if we didn’t say those words out loud, felt something similar. Sometimes we really lack the ability to read the thoughts and feelings of other people. Some are lucky enough to be gifted with empathy almost from birth. And what about the rest? Are they doomed to remain ignorant? Not at all.
The ability to understand other people can be developed. This will help two simple and exciting exercises. Both of these are variations on a basic technique called «Duplication» in psychodrama. When there is a desire or need to better understand the state of a person, you enter the role of an interlocutor for a while, trying to think with his head, feel with his body, pronounce his state.
Method 1. With strangers
You can, for example, in public transport choose one of the passengers to train. Now mentally imagine that you are him. Become him. What do you think about when you are him? What do you feel? What emotions are you experiencing? Be sure to speak in the first person (not “he rejoices,” but “I rejoice”), as if putting yourself in his place.
Not the fact that you will guess the parameters of the passenger’s state. And even if you guess, it’s not always possible to check it. But the task here is different — to get used to entering the role of another person, trying on his condition for yourself. You can also train in the park or in a cafe. At the end of the exercise, do not forget to «come to yourself», that is, to remind yourself who you are.
Method 2. With friends
Play Guess with a friend.
1. Invite a friend to participate in an experiment.
2. Place a chair next to his chair so that you are facing the same direction. A bench or sofa is also suitable.
3. Ask a friend to sit quietly for a while (15-20 seconds is enough).
4. Imagine that you are him. You can reproduce his posture, try to synchronize the rhythm of your breathing.
5. Now, as if from his role, pronounce the state in the first person. For example: «I’m calm and I like this game» or «I feel a little annoyed because you stuck with this game, but I didn’t finish my coffee.»
6. The task of the person being duplicated is to repeat only that part of the message that was guessed. You can’t say «no», «wrong». If not a single word of «understudy» is suitable, then his interlocutor simply describes his condition in his own words.
The dialog might look like this:
Understudy (D): I’m a little tired, so much work has accumulated.
Subject (I): I’m tired because I didn’t get enough sleep today.
D: If I got more sleep, I felt more alert.
And: I would feel more energized if this exhausting renovation were over.
D: I don’t like it when something is left unfinished, it creates constant tension.
And: I don’t like it when something is not done, it creates constant tension
The exercise lasts an average of 2-3 minutes. You can switch roles if you wish.
How to use?
In its pure form, technology is not used in communication. But if you practice it regularly, you will be much better than before, closer to understanding the feelings and thoughts of other people. This will help you build good relationships and resolve conflicts more easily.