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How to learn to say “no” without feeling guilty
Psychology
Since others do not know where our limits are, it is essential to say no so that the people around us know what they can do or propose to us and what they cannot.
Learning to say “no” is necessary in order to prioritize and put what we most want or need first. However, it is not always easy. Many times a “yes” comes out of our mouth when our body shouts “no” out of fear, fear of not being loved and fear of what we may lose (FOMO- Fear of missing out). However, we rarely focus on what we gain by saying no (JOMO – Joy of missing out). That is, the enjoyment of losing you whatever it is for be faithful to your choice.
Every time we say “yes” out of commitment we are saying “no” to spending our time in another way. But saying “no” is also
learn, and the emotional intelligence coach, Ixi Ávila, knows the keys:
1. Know your priorities and values to be clear. If you do not know what you want, it is very difficult for you to communicate it … «The first step always has to do with ordering priorities based on our personal values without forgetting to take into account and prioritize both physical and mental health at the time to decide, “says the expert.
2. Consider your energy, not just your time. Ixi Ávila points out that we often make the mistake of simply thinking about whether we have physical time to do something or not and “we forget to take into account that different actions require different energy” and that our energy is limited.
3. Sometimes you don’t need to say no completely. You want what they propose but not at that moment, there you can propose an alternative. What is important is to avoid excuses and procrastinate the answer, because then it costs more to say no.
4. Communicate from vulnerability. If you think about it, you do someone a disservice by saying “yes” out of commitment or obligation. Honesty is the most generous option. A sincere “no” is better than a forced “yes.”
5. Finally, a golden rule that usually helps to decide in case of doubts is: If it is not a resounding “yes”, then it is no.
And, oddly enough, not knowing how to say “no” is often directly related to anxiety. Why? Because many times we put the needs of others before our own. And although this may occasionally be an act of generosity or empathy, if we act in this way very frequently we could suffer the following consequences such as: loss of self-esteem and not knowing our own limits.
But many times it costs us say no by our thoughts. It is very likely that in some situations we anticipate that the other person is going to get angry or think that I am selfish or that I shy away or do not want to help when they propose things. «If these thoughts appear they will create insecurity and anxiety and it is very likely that it will eventually give in, saying yes to something that was not wanted», Warns the expert.
As Laura Fuster, a psychologist in Valencia reveals, in consultation they propose to people that it is difficult for them to say no that start by doing it in simple situations and with trusted people: “As we mentioned, the first word should be no, make eye contact and with a safe and audible tone of voice.”
For example, if a friend asks us to go out and we don’t want to, we can say “no, today I prefer not to go out.” Other options would be “no, I’m not doing well” or “no, I don’t feel like it today.” We always have to express ourselves in a direct way and without doubts but also with education and respect for the other person.