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We all want to be respected. But it’s hard to earn the respect of others if you don’t respect yourself. Radio personality and motivational speaker Dawson McAlister offers seven principles to help build healthy self-esteem.
Agree: if we do not love and do not value ourselves, then, willy-nilly, we begin to blame others for the pain that we experience, and as a result, we are overcome by anger, frustration and depression.
But what does it mean to respect yourself? I love the definition that young Katie gave: “It means accepting yourself for who you are and forgiving yourself for the mistakes you made. It’s not easy to come to this. But if you can eventually walk up to the mirror, look at yourself, smile and say, «I’m a good person!» “It’s such a wonderful feeling!”
She’s right: healthy self-esteem is based on the ability to see yourself in a positive way. Here are seven principles to help you feel better about yourself.
1. Your self-image should not depend on other people’s assessments
Many of us form our self-image based on what others say. This leads to the development of real dependence — a person cannot feel normal without approving assessments.
Such people seem to be saying, “Please love me, and then I can love myself. Accept me, and then I can accept myself.» They will always lack self-respect, as they cannot free themselves from the influence of other people.
2. Don’t talk bad about yourself
Your mistakes and weaknesses do not define you as a person. The more you say to yourself: «I’m a loser, no one loves me, I hate myself!» — the more you believe these words. Conversely, the more often you say: “I deserve love and respect,” the more you begin to feel worthy of this person.
Try to think more often about your strengths, about what you can give to others.
3. Don’t let others tell you what to do and be.
It’s not about the arrogant «my interests above all», but about not letting others tell you how to think and what to do. To do this, you need to know yourself well: your strengths and weaknesses, emotions and aspirations.
Do not adapt to the desires and requirements of others, do not try to change just to please someone. This behavior has nothing to do with self-respect.
4. Be true to your moral principles
Many do not respect themselves because they once committed unseemly acts and compromised moral principles. There is a good saying about this: “If you start thinking better about yourself, then you will act better. And the better you act, the better you will think of yourself.” And this is true.
Similarly, the converse is also true. Think badly about yourself — and behave accordingly.
5. Learn to control emotions
Self-respect implies that we know how to manage emotions so as not to harm ourselves and others. If you uncontrollably show anger or resentment, then you put yourself in an awkward position, and possibly destroy relationships with others, and this inevitably reduces your self-esteem.
6. Broaden your horizons
Look around: many people live in their little world, believing that no one needs their thoughts and knowledge. They consider themselves narrow-minded and prefer to keep quiet. How you think you are is how you act. This rule always works.
Try to diversify your interests, learn new things. By deepening your knowledge of the world, you develop your thinking abilities and become an interesting conversationalist for a variety of people.
Life is full of possibilities — explore them!
7. Take responsibility for your life
Each of us has our own ideas about what is right for us, but we do not always follow this. Start small: stop overeating, switch to healthy food, drink more water. I guarantee that even these small efforts will definitely increase your self-esteem.