How to learn to listen to yourself?

A typical situation: you live and live, you think that you are on the right track, outwardly everything seems to be going quite well … and suddenly one day you realize that you are not happy. What went wrong and when? It is likely that the fact is that you have never really listened to yourself and have a poor idea of ​​uXNUMXbuXNUMXbthe true self.

When we embody other people’s ideas of success and happiness, when we do not hear our true voice, this leads to internal conflicts. It takes persistent effort to learn to differentiate between goals that are imposed from outside and those that are true for you personally.

These efforts will pay off. Because when you know how to listen to yourself, you make the right decisions for you personally and build the life you want. And this necessarily leads to a decrease in stress levels, raises self-esteem and brings satisfaction.

Steps that you can take towards your «I»:

1. Reflect on your values

If you do not know your true values, or if you take other people’s values ​​as your own, you will experience anxiety and dissatisfaction. Look back at your life and remember what has ever brought you unconditional joy and inspiration.

For example, if you value money, then why do you hate your job as a financial planner, but enjoy doing volunteer projects so much? Maybe it’s really valuable for you not to receive, but to give?

If you find it difficult to understand whether this is your value, imagine that your entire future life will be built exclusively around it. For example, you think that your value is power. Imagine that from now on you will only do what to give commands. Will you be happy? Or will you feel lonely? If the second option is correct, you may value leadership rather than power.

2. Become aware of your core beliefs

These are your deep ideas about the world, about other people, about yourself. It is possible that they were formed in childhood and inherited by you from other family members. For example, such as “the world is dangerous”, “no one can be trusted”, “money is evil”.

The problem with core beliefs is that until you become aware of them, they subtly control you and influence all your decisions. Getting to the bottom of them is not easy, it requires being extremely honest with yourself. Sometimes you need the help of a coach or a counseling psychologist. But if you take a look at the beliefs that drive you to make bad decisions and replace them with new ones that make life easier, it will lead to impressive changes.

3. Get to know your inner critic

Listen to the voice in your head telling you what to do. His tone makes you feel helpless and humiliated. This is not your true self, this is your inner critic. He speaks in the voice of a mother or a father, a mentor or teacher, someone who was strict and hard on you when you were growing up. Very often he uses the words «should», «must», «should». And he loves to compare you to others.

4. Break through the chaos

One of the reasons we can’t hear our true selves is because we’re bombarded with many voices. It’s like tuning into one radio station when there are hundreds of them on the air. In addition to the already mentioned inner critic, we can hear, for example, our inner child (“poor me, unhappy, no one loves me, no one appreciates what I do”).

How to hear yourself in this polyphony? Try this writing technique. Take a pen and try to throw out your anxieties, discontent, anger, sadness, self-criticism on paper as quickly as possible, without caring about how it is written. This is a good way to cut through the chaos to your true voice.

At first, it will be difficult to write even one or two sentences in which your real “I” will be felt, but with practice, you will be able to “summon” it as soon as the pen touches the paper. Someone else is more suitable for a different technique: not to write, but to say out loud everything that worries.

5. Practice daily

Another way to get over the word mixer in your head and hear yourself is mindfulness practice, which is best done daily. When you know how to be in the present moment, all anxieties and thoughts remain outside the brackets.

6. Turn on the imagination

If you listen only to your rational mind, you hear only a part of yourself. Give free rein to your imagination — «what will happen if I …» — and see what images and pictures your imagination will draw.

7. Constantly ask yourself good questions.

Good questions are those that start with «what» and «how» rather than «why.» The point is that the question «why» often leads us to self-blame, while «what» and «how» are aimed at the future and lead to new solutions.

Don’t be afraid to ask yourself crazy and big questions about the future, it will help you learn amazing things about yourself. Imagine what your ideal day would be like if you were a multimillionaire? If you were to spend a week with the partner of your dreams, what would you do? If you only had a week to live, how would you manage that time?

8. Try something new once a week.

Many of us believe that we know ourselves. But most often we do what we were told in childhood: it’s good, you have to love it. Or what our parents did, what “all” our friends do.

Resist life by inertia by doing something new, unusual for you once a week. Try unusual exercises at a sports club or order an exotic, new dish for you at a restaurant. Talk to someone you wouldn’t even think of talking to. You will not like some of these innovations, and from time to time you will discover some new facet in yourself.

9. Learn to let go

Holding on to what you have already outgrown means blocking access to the real «I». This also applies to relationships. If you are surrounded by people with whom you have nothing in common for a long time, and communicate with them only because you have known each other since childhood, you are preventing you from revealing your potential.

10. Take care of yourself

The better we feel about ourselves, the better we understand ourselves. What can you do for yourself this week? Maybe enjoy a fragrant bath instead of going to a boring event that is “uncomfortable” to refuse? Or will you finally sit down and sort out your finances so you can stop worrying about them?

But if you are experiencing severe anxiety and therefore it is too difficult for you to hear yourself, you can take care of yourself by going to a psychologist or psychotherapist. These experts know how to ask the right questions that will help you discover something in yourself that you did not even suspect.

Source: harleytherapy.co.uk