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If you want a conversation to be interesting, it’s not just the narrator who has to put in the effort. After all, listening is an art. And his techniques can be learned.
A good conversation leaves behind a pleasant feeling of satisfaction and mutual understanding. Do you want to be considered a great conversationalist? Learn to listen to who you are talking to. To do this, consider five basic rules.
1. Create an atmosphere of safety
A good listener creates a safe environment around him. With him, we are sure that they will not harm us – they will not condemn, they will not accuse, they will not step on the “sore spot”. This does not mean that we have to agree with everything that the other says, that we cannot express our opinion. But when we have a desire to object, interrupting the interlocutor, or to speak sharply, we should remember the words of Hippocrates: “Do no harm.”
2. Use affirmation words: “of course”, “yes, exactly”, “I understand”
This is how you show the person that you accept and understand him. This does not mean that you completely agree with everything, but such simple words make the narrator feel safe.
3. Be curious
This is the most enjoyable part of “active listening”. Instead of just nodding and waiting for our turn to speak, you can listen very carefully, catch bits of interesting information and, of course, ask questions.
Imagine that you are a journalist. Specify what happened, when, how, where, why. Ask for examples and details. By following our own natural curiosity, by asking questions, we will not only show that we actually hear the interlocutor, but also make his story really interesting for us.
4. Listen with your whole body
While listening to another person, we often try to complete a few more tasks. We look at the TV screen, scroll through the social media feed. And thus we are distracted from communication. This is at least impolite, because this is how we let the interlocutor understand that peeling potatoes or writing in a chat is more important than listening carefully to him at that moment.
Yes, it is difficult to stop doing at least something in the course of a conversation. Why? Because “listening” is usually a passive process. You have to sit and listen. We don’t seem to be doing anything. However, “including” the whole body in the conversation, we show interest. And the interlocutor will certainly see and feel that our attention right now belongs only to him.
5. Look for information between the lines
This is already an advanced level – to observe the non-verbal signals of the speaker’s body. Notice when the facial expression of the interlocutor “argues” with his words. Perhaps he smiles while he says something sad. Perhaps his breathing or intonation suddenly changes in the middle of a conversation. Or he crosses his arms over his chest and looks away.
What to do? We already have the tools to deal with this situation and the information we have received. Ask questions, listen with your whole body, and avoid judgment and criticism. And you will become a true master of communication.