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Conflict-free communication is not only civilized, but also very beneficial.
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One of the tricks on how to learn to communicate without conflicts.
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The ability to behave without conflict is worth learning. The following practices and exercises await you:
Write it down, learn it and forget it
Write out a list of the most popular conflictogens — to begin with, those that you use most often, for example, «No», «Nothing like that», «I explain …». Print out an A4 sheet with these conflictogens (or put them on your computer desktop, or as a screensaver on your phone — the main thing is to always be in sight!) — and learn them by heart. And then follow through the week.
For an admitted conflict phrase or turn, you cheerfully punish yourself: for example, squat 10 times. Or you click on yourself with a clerical rubber band, prudently put on your hand. Or pay someone some amount of money. Additionally, you can arrange with friends so that they also track conflictogens in your speech.
It is important that the fine follows immediately after the conflict generator — not delayed. To begin with, it is better to take no more than 3 conflictogens. When you learn to do without them, take new ones. The main thing to remember is that a seemingly syntonic phrase that is said out of place can also become a conflict generator. So be careful and get to work! And most importantly — don’t mess around!
Video
It is useful to watch videos with friends and analyze fragments for conflicts. Famous films that are interesting in this regard: «The Same Munchausen», «What Women Want».
Watch out for those around you
It is useful to monitor conflictogens in others. First of all — interruption, objections and categoricalness.
Practice empathy
It is not enough to learn conflictogens, one must learn to feel that in a given situation for a given person it may turn out to be a conflictogen. An emotion or facial expression that is inappropriate for the situation may turn out to be a conflict; even the most tactful phrase dropped at the wrong moment can become a conflict generator. Even internal text can lead to conflict.
Is the phrase “You are so good” superimposed on the internal text “Everything around you bastards!” Sounds syntonous?)
To be more accurate and less likely to make mistakes, work out the feeling and accustom yourself in any communication, before you say or express anything, try on how it will be perceived by the interlocutor, what he will feel at the same time. Training «Communication skills».
Write texts
Write letters to friends and acquaintances. Compose speeches for speeches (at the company or Speakers Club). Before talking with the boss, for example, about the current difficult situation in the department or, on the contrary, about raising salaries, it makes sense to prescribe your text first. And show colleagues with a request to check how understandable it is and whether there are any unnecessary conflictogens.
Over time, speech becomes more and more smooth and obedient, parasitic words disappear on their own.
Anti-conflict personality traits
Conflicts seem to “stick” to some people, while other people with conflicts are quite rare. Conflict prevention is facilitated by a complex of such personal qualities as status, strength, warmth and positive, the ability to manage one’s emotions, influence the partner’s emotions, create a businesslike and positive atmosphere, endurance, diplomacy and others. See →
Development direction
When you learn to be conflict-free, you can
- regain freedom and spontaneity (remember: a certain dose of conflictogens in personal relationships is entertainment and an indicator of trust) and
- learn the next steps of effective communication. In particular, reasonable behavior in conflict and leadership behavior. There you will have to learn what you have unlearned — the ability to confidently object, insist on whatever others want, demand attention to yourself, calmly interrupt, give assessments, be categorical …