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I am glad to see you, inquisitive guests of the blog. Today I decided to share with you my experience on learning body language and gestures and tell you how to use it to understand yourself and loved ones. After all, you must admit that many of us want to understand what a person thinks about and what is behind his behavior. These methods do not give us the ability to read a person’s thoughts, but with the help of them we get a clear advantage over a person who does not know them.
How love and trust are born
You have probably heard that 70% of the information in personal communication, we read non-verbally. We trust, and therefore we fall in love, we buy, we hire, not because we heard what we wanted, but because we saw it. Of these 70%, the first half falls on external attributes under the motto «You deserve it!». And the second — on what we do: facial expressions, postures, gaze and plasticity, that is, non-verbal communication tools.
Even if we speak in phrases of a finished script and are dressed in uniform, they will unmistakably distinguish among us happy and unhappy, angry and contented, confident and lost ourselves … The image of a movie character comes to life and inspires confidence if it is initially molded not from words and things, but from the most important — the character’s manners of sitting, standing, raising an eyebrow, lighting a cigarette.
The psychological self-portrait that we draw in the eyes of the interlocutor also begins with it. If it is not brought into harmony with what we say and how we look, people’s faith will not be achieved. And rightly so: if words and appearance diverge from non-verbal signals, the latter are more truthful than the image.
How to understand what the human body is saying
So let’s start with ourselves. As you know, practice is the best way to learn theory. So it’s time to stretch a little:
- Cross your arms over your chest or wrap your arms around your shoulders. If you are sitting, put your knee on your knee. Or standing up, cross your legs tighter. The gaze is directed to the side or does not move. Do you want to isolate yourself from the world, withdraw into yourself? Tighten your muscles — and get a feeling of loneliness and isolation.
- Stand up straight, take up more space, arms at your sides, tilt your head back a little. How does it feel? Even if now you are not having the best of times, you will be temporarily visited by self-confidence and indifference.
- Hunch over, look under your feet, tighten your muscles and trudge forward with small steps, breathe shallowly, but rather hold your breath … Anxious, right? Fear and depressive thoughts are already on their way to you.
- Squeeze your whole body, cover your face with your hands. Breathe unevenly, as if you are trying to swallow a non-existent lump in your throat, shudder. You yourself will not notice how you remember despair, grief, betrayal …
- Take a deep breath, stand up heavily, hunched over, and lean on the table. Focus, look ahead. Expect feelings of powerlessness and a load of responsibility, this will help you take pity on your boss.
- Sit or stand comfortably, feet shoulder-width apart, relax your neck and back, breathe evenly and deeply. Smile and open your arms as if you want to hug someone … already know who? And the mood has risen?
And now let’s move on to the interlocutor. To find out how a counterpart actually feels, copy the position of his body and listen to yourself. Understanding requires practice. Develop observation and accuracy in yourself, do not build conclusions based on one pose or sign, consider the context of the situation: a person with crossed arms and legs is not necessarily a secretive bore. And if he is uncomfortable because his stomach hurts? Or is it time to turn on the heater in the room?
How to understand that a person is bad
From the examples you have already noticed: negative states are accompanied by muscle tension. When we smile, we use 17 muscles, and when we focus — 41. Therefore, it is so important to cry out grief in time: this mechanism is provided by nature as a fuse.
But what if everyday difficulties are not so big to cry, and not so small as to be neglected? Tension is growing, and the body is sure to let it slip, even if the mind heroically holds the blow. If you are attentive to yourself and others, it is easy to notice the trembling of hands, the petrified oval of the face, the drooping corners of the mouth. To fully understand what is happening, it remains only to substitute the discovered facts into the situation.
Be healthy and successful!
Do not wait for the moment when stress will first enter the room imposingly, and you will timidly squeeze in after it. Relax your muscles and even out your breathing. Easier and cheaper than physical activity, mankind has not yet come up with anything for this. Otherwise, a mask of tension and anxiety can literally grow on your face, and the interlocutor will not believe that you are confident in yourself, pleasant in communication and have achieved success. And he will be right.
If people around you feel bad, a headache pill offered in time, stroking your back and words of support strengthen relationships no worse than gifts and Sabantuys. Copy the pose of the unfortunate. Feel and remember what you yourself want to hear at this moment. Few words, right?
How to be loved and stop guessing
When butterflies flutter in the stomach, and rainbow bombs explode in the head, people are not up to logic. But what if this state is inherent in only one partner, and the second one manipulates because he is in love with the benefits associated with him? Is it worth it to approach the girl you like, the woman, or make eyes at the man? How about a rejection?
The answer is simple: words, the meaning of which is at odds with facial expressions, posture and gaze — only words. A loving man will not look with steely eyes as a business competitor, even if he is sure that you are wrong. A caring woman will stay nearby in a closed position no longer than a couple of hours after a quarrel. The girl will not forget to take the cat pose before the jump if she likes the guy, although in words she is indifferent to him.
The nature of sympathy in people differs due to their temperament and upbringing, but the main thing is the same: lovers copy each other’s movements. Doubt? Try on the candidate’s mask on your hand and heart, and don’t torture the daisies.
Conclusion
You may also be interested in reading a previously published article. Here is the link: “How an attentive person learns to read the thoughts of the interlocutor in the eyes.”
The topic of observation in human psychology is inexhaustible, so I suggest you subscribe to blog updates and recommend the article to friends on social networks. And I say goodbye to you and wish you success in your personal practice.