How to know if your parents were good

1. Attunement

Loving parents try to be at the same level with the child – sometimes literally, for example, squatting down to explain something to him. This helps them to re-look at the world through the eyes of children. Such mothers and fathers understand that a very small child cannot yet adapt to certain conditions, and put him in a priority – not in order to “spoil”, but so that he can grow and develop normally.

2. The ability to pay attention to “trifles”

Good parents understand that the life of their offspring sometimes revolves around things that adults themselves seem insignificant. Toddlers get real pleasure jumping through puddles or dropping objects with a terrible roar. And they are terribly upset if the paw of their favorite plush hare comes off or the page of their favorite book is dirty. A really good parent will never convince a child that he is making a molehill out of a fly. He will rejoice with his son or daughter and sincerely empathize, realizing that it depends on how he or she will subsequently behave with others and experience real difficulties.

3. Ability to understand the child

A loving parent understands what is behind the “unacceptable” (from the point of view of others) behavior of the child. For example, he does not “do everything out of spite”, but tries to express his confusion and fears caused by the birth of a brother or sister. A good parent understands what the baby needs right now: to be hugged, left alone or put to bed – and thanks to this, the child learns to understand himself better, and at the same time forgive, without reproaching himself for mistakes.

4. Realization that “this too shall pass”

A loving parent allows a child to sometimes behave “weirdly”, realizing that this is the most “weird” – an integral part of growth and development. Such a parent is not afraid that the child pretends to be a wild animal, or eats only red foods, or suddenly has an imaginary friend. A wise adult understands that there is nothing wrong with the child, that he is exploring the world in this way, and tries to remain calm and patient, even when the son or teenage daughter is perpetually out of sorts. He does not hang labels (even positive ones like “our little philosopher”), realizing that the child is just trying himself in new roles.

5. Close bond with the child

A good parent does not seek to forcibly tear his child “from the hem”, by all means making him independent already at a young age. Being attached to a parent, walking behind him with a tail is normal. A healthy, secure attachment means that a child can and does get through a brief separation from their parents.

6. Admitting your shortcomings

A good parent does not seek to climb on a pedestal and seem to the child an unattainable ideal. He or she is just a person with his own flaws. He or she also tends to sometimes make mistakes, fool around, get irritated, forget about something important or overly lean on sweets. And it helps the child to understand that it is quite normal to be like that.

7. Predictability

A loving parent understands that the child with him most of all needs a sense of security and calmness, and not “fireworks” at all (there are already enough of them in the child’s head). The child needs a routine, which means that the parent must be predictable, react to similar events in the child’s life and his behavior in the same way. But to strictly scold for a misconduct today and turn a blind eye to it tomorrow is not the best option. Yes, this is not always possible, but if irritation has prevailed, then it is important to apologize.

8. “Unrequited” love

A good parent does not expect XNUMX% returns. He just loves his child and understands: if he takes this love for granted, this is normal. The “reward” for all efforts will come later – when the parent is convinced that he has raised a worthy person. And in order to grow up someone who is confident in himself, his strengths and that the world is friendly enough, able to find his place in it and be happy, you will need a lot of patience, attention, gentleness and love.