How can you monitor your child’s learning without giving the impression that he is being controlled?
The first question to ask yourself is: if I don’t want the child to feel like they’re being controlled, what impression do I want them to get? And further actions will depend on the answer to this question.
For example, a mother wants her son to think that he is interesting to his mother, that everything that happens to him is important to his mother. This is normal: parents are really interested in what is happening with their child, many parents really love their children.
Then the mother can begin to be interested in the child — always, and not just in matters of study. Look not only in the diary, but also in textbooks. Invite your child’s friends to visit, and sometimes play something with them. If it is not possible to invite them home, go out with them to the park, or take them to exhibitions or museums, or simply take a walk around the city. Be interested in what he had today, what events, what they said to him, and what he answered. And also call him to her more often, no matter what she does, include him in her affairs.
And if he asks: “What are you asking?” or “Why me?”, then mom can honestly answer him: “Because I’m interested.” “Because with you it’s more interesting and better!”
And if it is important for a mother that her son can find solutions to complex problems, then, having seen a not very happy assessment in the diary, you can ask how he is going to solve this life task called “bad assessment”. Maybe you need to come up with a plan to correct the score. If a bad grade is not an accident, but an indicator of ignorance of the subject, you need to understand the subject.
Or maybe the child will say in general: “Mom, I don’t need this item at all in my life, and I will pull it somehow to free myself up time for more important things.” Nowadays, being able to plan time is a very important skill, and it’s good if a child has it. Another thing is that in the latter case there is a good reason to talk about priorities, and whether these more important things really exist, or is it just an excuse?
One might ask what plan he came up with to fix it. But then, having obtained a clear answer from him, do not interfere with him then to put this plan into practice, so that he himself sees the consequences of his decisions and actions. If it is important for a mother that her son grows up not only as a scientist, but also as a responsible person, this is right and necessary.
Or maybe mom wants to instill in her son a serious attitude to study, “like work”. Then she can talk more about her work, about the difficulties and joys associated with work, about what actions she takes on this or that occasion. Necessarily — about mistakes, failures, and conclusions drawn in connection with them. Show respect for your son’s studies as his work. Remember that processing a lot of information, most of which is not directly related to your own life, and therefore it is not clear why you need it, is a difficult task in its senselessness. Therefore, parents can think together with the child whether it is necessary to work efficiently if you don’t know why.
Note that children read our attitude to work, so take care to set the right example for them.
Plan your child’s career options so that he can see the direct benefits of education as early as possible. Celebrate his successes and be able to see even the smallest of them. Analyze what motivates you to work well, and by analogy, come up with motivation for your child.
So, ask yourself what you want, and having answered this question for yourself, make a plan of action. And then do it consistently. I wish you success!