To paraphrase a well-known saying, only those who do nothing have no doubts — everyone else is well aware of this unpleasant feeling of unsteadiness, uncertainty, anxiety. How can we keep him from throwing us off course? Blogger and business consultant Tim Denning shares his experience.
Starting over is always difficult. I already know what I’m talking about. I rebuilt my career from scratch — in a new field, industry, team. A few weeks passed, and doubts gradually took hold of me. Will I be able to achieve something and justify the hopes of those who believed in me, even when everyone else turned their backs? Will I keep moving or will I finally give up?
Doubt arises when we are unsure of ourselves. By their grace, the brain whispers one lie after another to us, and we begin to believe them all. But doubts are not based on facts. This is a story whose ending is yet to be decided. We do not know what will happen next, there, behind a new turn, but doubts make us put an end to the path itself.
I didn’t give up and keep moving forward. I managed to get rid of the doubts that were trying to take root in my mind. And that’s what helped me uproot them.
“No matter how painful it is, we must keep moving forward”
When I was in my early 20s, I believed that all these successful big shots who tell us how to live, never doubt anything. Plus, they look so confident. But that’s just how it seemed.
How do I know? Years later, I began to move in certain circles and met many of my former idols there. It turned out that they were all overcome with doubts, which I never dreamed of.
So, one guy became famous because he worked hard on himself and coped with the disease on his own. Once, when a documentary was being shot about him, during a break, he went to the bathroom and screamed in incredible pain. He had just had surgery on his shoulder and the painkillers had stopped working. My friend happened to be passing by and heard a noise. He looked inside and asked the self-help guru if he was okay, and got the answer, «No matter how painful it is, you have to keep going.»
In my opinion, the perfect metaphor for our life. And yes — because of health problems, that guy doubted himself, and how. But when you look at the footage taken before and immediately after that episode in the bathroom, you can’t even imagine that something is wrong: the hero looks so calm and relaxed, actually experiencing hellish torments. Moreover, immediately after filming, he went on stage and addressed thousands of people with a motivational speech. Incredible.
Doubt does not make us weak
We are afraid to admit our feelings so as not to look weak. And in vain: doubt is normal, it is not a sign of vulnerability at all. Moreover, by recognizing our right to these emotions, we take them under control, which means we become stronger and more resilient, able to endure any blows of fate.
How to deal with doubts and keep moving?
1. Gather evidence that you are capable of something.
Facts, facts and nothing but facts. This is how I collect confirmations. For example, when I’m not sure I can do anything, I look at my company’s account balance and think, “Well, it looks like my clients have faith in me. It seems that I really am worth something, since they are ready to pay so much for my services.
2. Keep going
Doubt makes us stop, give up, but the opposite is also true: every step we take forward is a blow to doubt in the stomach. By moving, you can discover new ways to solve problems and achieve goals, and this, in turn, will give you self-confidence.
The worst thing you can do is to let doubt stop you and get bogged down in thinking about the darkest scenarios of the future.
3. Remind yourself how much you have already completed
Look around — but only to understand how much you have already done. My path was not easy: the threat of cancer, mental illness, failed relationships, fear of public speaking. But none of this put me out of action, but, on the contrary, helped me achieve my goals.
You, too, have certainly made a difficult journey, despite all the obstacles — so what prevents you from doing it again?
4. Be a little kinder to yourself
I’m sure you’re doing everything you can. Yes, sometimes things don’t work out, often it’s not easy, but you try. Try not to interfere with yourself, do not shower yourself with reproaches, do not blame yourself for all the sins. Show yourself patience and compassion.
5. Don’t try to predict the future
Doubting ourselves, we begin to make predictions and try to predict the future. We scroll through negative scenarios in our heads: we failed, we didn’t reach our financial goal, we wrote a mediocre text, we lost everything … But, no matter how terrible the picture is, it is not reality. The answers to the questions are sure to be found in the future — so what’s the point of worrying that we don’t have them right now?
6. Whatever happens will make you stronger and wiser
Even if your worst fears come true, this experience can teach you a lot and allow you to grow. By understanding what exactly worries and scares us, we can get to know and understand ourselves a little better. Anxiety is a signal of an obstacle that we have to overcome in order to look back and be proud of ourselves later. This is a kind of compass that tells us the right direction. If you’re not sure what to do next, think about your worries and how you can build on them and take concrete action.
Anxiety and doubt are nothing more than items on the list of steps we must take to change our lives. Keep moving forward and stop doubting yourself and you will succeed.
About the author: Tim Denning is a blogger and business consultant.