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When the relationship gets serious enough, the partners decide to start living together. At first, the idea seems great, because it will allow you to spend more time with each other and reduce costs, in practice, living under the same roof can cause quarrels. The advice of psychologists will help you survive the new stage and keep your feelings.
When people in love move in together, they don’t realize how many conflicts can surface due to stress. They are sure that living together will strengthen the bond, and they themselves do not notice how they begin to quarrel on various occasions. Unable to cope with stress, they take out their discontent on each other, swear, criticize and worry about the lack of personal space. Disputes arise over how to furnish the house.
And although now partners are seen much more often, there is less mutual tenderness in the relationship. They begin to feel more like neighbors than lovers, they are annoyed by each other’s habits. 3 tips on how to save feelings.
1. Don’t criticize, be open and available
Healthy relationships differ from unhealthy ones not in how often fights happen, but in how they go. Psychologists John Gottman and Sybil Carrere have learned to predict the chance of divorce of newlyweds. To do this, they only need three minutes to watch how the couple finds out the relationship. When conflict arises, partners need to be able to find an emotional connection on a deeper level, deeper than superficial disagreements. The conflict isn’t really about whether you close the tube of toothpaste, it’s about how responsive you are to your partner’s needs, whether you listen to him, and whether you take him seriously.
If disagreements arise, as you usually talk about them, are you ready to open up and share intimate experiences and spiritual needs, or do you immediately begin to criticize and demand? Does it happen that in a quarrel you get personal? You are most likely throwing hurtful words because you want to show how hurt you are. You may not know how to create an atmosphere of sympathy and say, «You hurt me.» As a result, you just exchange insults and accusations. When you can feel empathy for the pain you are experiencing, the desire to hurt each other more will disappear, love will return.
2. Keep track of what’s going on between you
The rhythm of life requires a creative approach to spending time together in order to maintain a deep emotional connection. It is not enough to hug each other in the evening and tell how the day went.
Couples who know how to have fun together stay together for a long time
You have to ask yourself, “What am I going to do to keep our relationship alive? How can we keep the passion, attraction and mutual interest that we had at the very beginning? It is easy to talk only about paying bills and immediate vacation plans, it is more difficult to discuss what worries you deep down.
3. Make time for fun
It seems to many that it is better to have fun spontaneously, and not according to a schedule. But when partners are constantly busy, then, if you don’t specifically carve out time, everything will probably be limited to watching TV shows and quick sex from time to time. To come up with something more interesting, you have to show imagination. Those couples who know how to have fun together stay together for a long time. Throw your partner a special evening from time to time.
Source: yourtango.com