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Greetings, dear readers of my blog. How often have you asked yourself the question: how to increase your self-esteem? Let’s examine this issue in detail. What is self-esteem? This is our opinion about ourselves, which, due to the subjectivity of perception, is rarely absolutely accurate. With a slight error, this will not affect the quality of human life. Also, it is self-esteem that is responsible for the actions that we decide on, or do not decide on, because we are simply not sure of ourselves. But what if we are not sure of ourselves or our actions? In this article I will talk about the methods of raising self-esteem.
The Secret of Self-Esteem
The reasons for low self-esteem are varied. And I think it makes no sense to delve into their origin, because everything is much simpler. All our fears, complexes and self-doubt, absolutely all of this is located in our head. And before resorting to radical methods of dealing with our, in our opinion, shortcomings, let’s put our thoughts in order. Imagine how many people think about your nose shape? What about eye color?
I vaguely imagine a situation where successful people discuss the details of your appearance. Often we ourselves come up with certain weak points for ourselves, completely immerse ourselves in this fantasy and think that others will also focus on it. But in fact, people are somewhat more selfish than we used to imagine, and the likelihood that they care about our moles or sharp shoulders is negligible.
The first conclusion: we are prone to fantasies and the projection of these fantasies on others. Repeat this sentence often.
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Also, our self-esteem can be the result of feedback from the people around us. Feedback can both improve our self-esteem and lower it. What do I recommend to pay attention to here? First, on the person who gives us a response. It is unlikely that people close to us want to harm us. Also, pay attention to what the responses are directed to and in what form they are given.
If they tell you that you have an ugly nose, you are fat or a loser — feel free to ignore it. But if you are told — look at this hairstyle, it will emphasize your cheekbones and eyes, so the focus will be on the merits of your face. Listen to what they tell you, but learn to separate negative feedback that is not able to influence constructively, and adequate feedback that will benefit you.
But remember the meaning of feedback is not to increase your self-esteem, but to give you feedback on your actions, to help you understand whether you are moving in the right direction.
Where to start?
A very good step towards changing the direction of thoughts is sport. Running around the house, squatting or pulling up on the horizontal bar will help to throw out negative energy, remove nervousness and relieve tension. Make friends with your body, and your thoughts will flow in a completely different direction.
By the way, if you do not know what level your self-esteem is, then take this test.
fool yourself
If we are used to deluding ourselves about our shortcomings, why not use this habit in a different direction? I was very afraid of public speaking. When I got promoted and realized that I had to hold a meeting for my colleagues, the thought numbed me. But one day I just decided not to dwell on my feelings, but simply to do what was required of me.
One thought occupied my head: to provide information and coordinate my department regarding the actions for the current day. The conclusion that we can draw is: come up with a goal for this or that action and, instead of doubting, stick only to it. And if this does not help, then remember an even simpler thing:
You won’t die
How many fatal cases are recorded from a poorly conducted meeting? What about not being able to dance? How many people died at a party because of an imperfect figure? Can’t you raise your hand in a meeting and speak your mind? What are you afraid of? Layoffs? It’s unlikely to happen. Will they laugh at you? Yes, they probably will. But you won’t die because of it. What is more important, to share your vision on situations, to make adjustments and influence what is happening, or not to become an object of ridicule?
Deckard square
A very powerful tool that psychologists recommend using when making a decision. You and I will use to increase self-esteem. You can ask absolutely any situation, but the answer will be given in four planes:
What happens if I raise my hand in a meeting? They will laugh at me, but everyone will understand that I also have thoughts about this issue, I can influence the situation.
What happens if I don’t get active in the meeting: I stay in my comfort zone.
What will not happen if this happens: I will not have experience in making proposals in meetings, they will not listen to me.
What will not happen if this does not happen: there will be no positive changes, my self-esteem will not change.
And then, we analyze and choose what is more important for us, not to be ridiculed or to develop, influence and be a participant in our lives.
Learn from the lessons
A critical mass of resources invites us to comprehend the secrets of high self-esteem and become self-confident like Alexander the Great in one or two days. From the bookshelves, spines with loud and juicy titles look at us. We buy them, we carry them to our homes, we read them, or we don’t read them, but we just look. I have a friend who got some really good self-development books for his birthday.
Six months later, I asked him if he had read them and if he could lend me two to read. He agreed, and when I got acquainted with the material and offered him a discussion in order to exchange views, he said that for this he needed to re-read them again.
And one more piece of advice: learn from the lessons and use them for your own good, and not as luggage that you have, we will overpay for it, but in the end we will get by with one shorts and two T-shirts. If you belong to the category of people who prefer to draw experience from books or articles, then use this. Be practitioners, not theorists, otherwise what’s the point? Discuss what you read, share it on special resources where you can leave a review.
You form one opinion, it collides with another opinion and forms a third. DO NOT accumulate knowledge, but use it, share and speak. More than a dozen books on driving theory will not replace one trip on the highway. So why are we so sure that simply reading books will increase our self-esteem?
Principle of be-do-have
Often we say to ourselves that when I have a good car, I will be able to attract more potential partners in meetings and I will have more money. There is logic here. If we have a lot of resources, we can do more and become better accordingly. What if I told you that the formula works in a completely different way?
While we are making plans for a better life, when we have the means and sources for the path to a new life, our most ordinary and real life is passing by. What is more likely, a machine that will fall on us out of nowhere, or will we find the strength to become the person who decides to ask the manager for more tasks for promotion or even change jobs? I think it’s the second one.
No matter how thorny the path is, be aware. To cook soup, we first buy products, and not vice versa. Why should everything in life work differently?
The myth of certainty
No one can be sure 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We all have bad moments. And the difference between self-confident people and people with low self-esteem is precisely that the first group of women and men understand that most difficulties and failures are temporary. Remember, the darkest night is before dawn and you should not give up, especially when you are just starting to get something.
New habits
Everything is very simple here. You write a list of things that make you feel low on self-esteem. Do not limit yourself, write whatever you see fit. After that, we divide and group the results. That is, flaws in appearance in one column, character in another, habits in a third, and so on. Next, we take one column, I always recommend starting with a character and opposite each negative statement we write a positive statement, the one that you want to develop in yourself.
For example:
We are not so much important as the meaning. The main thing is that it would be clear to you and most importantly, that it would be exactly your desire. Next, we take one pair and within a few weeks we reconfigure ourselves in the opposite way.
It is difficult only with the first beliefs, then everything will go easier. The main thing is to do it regularly.
Try new
We can all talk and walk, but these are learned skills. When we were born, we only crawled and gurgled, and adults patiently taught us. Why then do we just give up and say to ourselves: we will not succeed? Fear of the new is normal, the main thing is not to let it take over you.
Try new things once, twice, ten times. At first, you won’t succeed. But children do not start walking and talking right away. They also need not one or ten attempts. And what is the result. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to tell yourself, I can’t do it, I can’t do it.
I also recommend reading the article: “How to deal with shyness with methods accessible to everyone.”
And to the last
Most importantly, remember, life is really not so long that it would be spent on eternal doubts. Be who you want to be. Listen to constructive criticism, ignore the negative, form new habits, and move towards your goal.
See you on my blog pages