Low self-esteem prevents us from building healthy relationships and careers, provokes neuroses and addictions. Here are some tips to help reduce relationship stress and boost confidence.
Council 1. The only way to realize who you are is to find what suits you.
Council 2. Talking about relationship problems reduces the fear of abandonment.
Council 3. Perhaps you are always trying to guess what the norm is. It is important for people with low self-esteem to know and understand that the concept of «normality» does not exist. It is more effective to ask yourself the question: what is really important to you? What is important to your family? The challenge isn’t to figure out what’s normal for you, but to figure out what works best for you and your loved ones.
Council 4. The first step in overcoming any bad habit is to become aware of it. To boost self-esteem and self-confidence, just watch yourself. Instead of engaging in self-judgment, try to get to know yourself by analyzing how you behave. When a person begins to look at himself honestly and without judgment, can separate himself from his behavior, he is able to change, develop and grow.
Council 5. Feelings cannot be right or wrong. If we consider our feeling to be wrong, then guilt is added to it, and this makes the situation even worse. The anger you feel is real. If you decide that it is wrong to feel angry and that you should be compassionate instead, it will not help you. You cannot substitute one feeling for another.
Council 6. It is impossible to completely overcome the feeling of loneliness, but there are ways to reduce it. First of all, you need to take the risk of opening up to others. The best way to get what you need is to start doing it yourself. If you want to be loved, first offer your love to others. This is the risk of being misunderstood, abandoned. But by avoiding risk, you doom yourself to loneliness. If you take risks, you get the opportunity to change. It’s not enough to try once. Make a promise to yourself that every day you will step out of your comfort zone a little.
When you choose to be yourself, you get a lot more options.
Council 7. There is a good group exercise that shows that self-criticism is always very subjective. Participants sit in a circle, the task is to free themselves, in whole or in part, from those qualities that they no longer want to possess. If someone likes the rejected qualities, he or she can appropriate them.
For example, one participant says that he wants to get rid of procrastination, and this quality does not have time to reach the center of the circle, as the other already says that he would like to take it, because, on the contrary, he is hyperactive. Someone else says, “I want to get rid of guilt,” and immediately gets the answer: “I need some of your guilt. I feel too selfish.»
The exercise demonstrates that our traits need to be studied. To what extent are they useful to us? How much do they interfere? Obviously, judging yourself and your shortcomings is not helpful. When you choose to be yourself, you have many more opportunities to improve your self-esteem.
Council 8. A sharp reaction to a minor event—for example, friends canceling a meeting at the last minute—usually has to do with our past. Something similar has happened before — once or many times, usually in childhood.
The first thing you need to do is to clearly define when you start to overreact. How appropriate is your response to the circumstances? Is it worth it to react so sharply? If these questions make you feel defensive, then you are indeed overreacting to the situation.
The first step towards overcoming such reactions is to understand their essence and understand what caused them in the past. The next step is to consciously change habits. Ask yourself how attached you are to your usual plans. Can you go home another way? Or go to the store on Wednesday instead of Thursday as usual? Can you change plans without disorienting yourself? This is a chance to become more flexible. Flexibility in one area makes it possible to develop flexibility in other areas.
Council 9. Analyze what kind of people are present in your life and what is the essence of your relationship with them. Do you receive from others as much as you give to them? To what extent are these people stronger or weaker than you? Perhaps if you objectively evaluate your surroundings, you will see that you are giving people more than you are receiving. Then you will have to change your social circle and maintain relationships only with those who are capable of symmetrical relationships.
Perhaps this is because you yourself do not allow others to do something for you. You consider yourself strong enough to take care of yourself, but allow others to participate in your life.
Pain, sadness or anger can only belong to the one who experiences it.
Council 10. If you say to yourself day after day, “Why am I staying with this person? Why can’t I give it all up?» — It is worth analyzing your relationships. People who do not deserve our loyalty are often very critical of us. They often criticize us. Be careful when you hear this — who is the person really talking about? Do his statements really apply to you, or is he projecting his own shortcomings onto you?
Pain, sadness or anger can only belong to the one who experiences it. These feelings should not become yours, you can only show empathy and compassion. You may have been dragged into an unhealthy relationship by playing on guilt. If you are easily manipulated based on this feeling, you begin to think that you owe something to someone else. “He was kind to me. He took care of me.»
Feeling guilty or indebted for these reasons is wrong. You don’t owe people anything for supporting you. You are self-worth. If you feel obligated to support them, you are admitting, «I’m worthless.»
Council 11. You will gain self-confidence if you can solve the tasks that you have set for yourself. Tasks can be simple or complex, but you need to be sure that they are achievable.
Not always everything works out. If something worked out, it’s great and it didn’t happen by accident, you deserve your success. Reward yourself for completed tasks. Always remember the things that you are good at. Don’t ignore them. Use them as a foundation to become a whole person. If you didn’t succeed, you need to get out of this situation and try something new. It shouldn’t devastate you.