It is believed that the left hemisphere is responsible for logical thinking, and the right helps us understand other people’s emotions. But what to do if “reason” prevails, and not “feelings”? How to learn to read the mood of others and communicate more productively? Answers to these and other questions – at the training on the development of emotional intelligence.
In a new team, it is customary to immediately declare oneself, — noticing me, a confused beginner, an experienced participant in the Emotional Intelligence Development (EQ) training, Ksenia, holds out a marker and a sign so that I can write my name.
Developing the ability to read and accurately express emotions is not an easy task. The training opens the door to those who have ever wondered if they express their emotions correctly and really understand others.
There are 18 people in the group, both ordinary office workers and middle and top managers. The deputy head of the technological control department, the secretary for youth affairs, the manager of a chain of household appliances stores – everyone came here to deal with not only a personal, but also a business problem.
Are you in a depressed mood? You need to use the technique of “mental slide”
— What would you do if… — Irina Lyalina, the leader of the training on managing emotions, began the lesson by checking the material covered (I got to the final lesson out of four). “…are you in a depressed mood?”
– You need to use the technique of “mental slide”! the participants answer almost in unison.
– Right. Let me remind you of the essence of the technique: you remember a movie that awakens warm feelings in you, or a pleasant moment from your life that you can imagine well. Concentrate on the emotions that you experienced at that moment, and your mood improves. And what do we do when anger flares up?
– Then the technique of “mental gesture” will help!
As it turns out, anger and depressed mood are examples of the last stages of affect. The reason for their appearance may be the same lack of money or a two-hour traffic jam. In such unforeseen circumstances, a person instantly becomes nervous, gives himself up to a negative mood and turns off his ability to work. Five minutes is the time during which the training teaches how to cope with any emotional situation.
Average managers who can speak well are a priori successful in their companies
A mandatory procedure for those who are tired after work is to warm up the mood to the level of “joy”. This is where the word game helps. Just not the one we’re used to. The task is to pronounce the same word with different emotions.
“At work, colleagues sometimes broadcast and read each other’s emotions incorrectly,” Irina explains. This exercise will reveal your strengths and weaknesses. Many do not have congruence of facial expressions and intonation, that is, facial expressions and voice are in imbalance. The voice can be angry, but the face does not express anything, and vice versa.
To get rid of the imbalance, you need to say any neutral phrases with different emotional coloring in front of the mirror every day and be sure to monitor facial expressions and voice. The ability to put the right emotion into words is a valuable skill for leaders.
Intonation, voice, timbre – when setting a task or talking with a subordinate, the emotionally correct presentation of information increases the efficiency of the entire company by several dozen times. If you do not develop emotional intelligence, the message will be misinterpreted.
The host invites the audience to discuss the authorities – to name the features of their leaders. An uproar erupts in the office. “Greedy”, “nervous”, “eternally dissatisfied” – the participants are not shy in expressions.
— But some have charisma! – interrupts the red-haired Olga.
Participants begin to whisper to each other. From thoughtful glances, it is clear that the girl is right.
– Charisma! – Irina again focuses on the word. — For example, average managers who can speak well are a priori successful in their companies. They confidently speak in public and conferences, and negotiate without a drop of excitement. Such people quickly climb the career ladder and become leaders of companies.
The source of fear at work is personal ambition, the desire to be realized in the chosen position. It `s naturally
But leadership at work can be tricky. Yesterday’s colleague, an office clerk who has become a leader, is often unrecognizable.
“Many bosses turn into workaholics,” says Irina. – At work, they do not manage people, but give commands. They have everything structured, and any shortcoming of an employee in the plans can lead to a conflict. The leader is angry, and the culprit is stressed.
“Yes, yes, I have! For the first six months after the promotion, I was terribly afraid that I did not deserve this position, and tried to work more: I sat at work for days, got angry at my subordinates that they did not do the same, – Igor lowers his eyes.
“I do this too, but I’m worried that I won’t be able to cope with the task at hand – managing people,” admits Vladimir, the oldest participant in the course.
But, according to Irina Lyalina, fear at work is normal.
“The source of this fear is personal ambition, the desire to be realized in the chosen position,” the host explains. — And it is natural for anyone who wants to succeed. Therefore, bosses spend most of their time at work, focusing on tasks and sometimes forgetting about people. And as we can see, some of you have gone through this too.
You are controlled by the reptilian part of the brain. It generates negative mobilization of the body
Imagine yourself in the place of the leader. What if you were suddenly promoted? What would you experience, how would you behave? Do not forget that any leader has his own leader, to whom he answers.
To determine how well the participants have developed leadership qualities, what position they usually occupy in the team and what mistakes they make in communicating with colleagues, it is proposed to split into two teams of nine people. Everyone receives a card with a description of the character. “Ivan, 17 years old. Recently graduated from vocational school”, “Irina, 55 years old. Six children died in the accident. Nurse”, etc. Task: to prove that the indicated character can be useful on an uncharted planet.
– Must stay: Miss World, doctor and military! All others are unnecessary! Elizabeth called out loudly, standing on a chair.
— Yeah, I see the leader! Irina comments.
– You don’t need them! My worker will build houses,” Victoria fiercely convinces her colleagues, flushed with excitement.
“Vika, you are controlled by the reptilian part of the brain,” the coach continues.
– It generates a negative mobilization of the body, anger is a means of self-defense.
– I will not be on the team with her, she screams like crazy! – Natalya tears up the card.
– Natasha, you are avoiding the problem! Listen and then give your opinion.
One of the final tasks of the course is a discussion of a business problem. Participants must learn how to properly resolve work situations.
My colleague is an idiot! I’m tired of redoing her work! – the most daring participant Ekaterina models the situation.
“Calmly point out mistakes to a colleague and don’t be too lazy to help correct them,” Irina explains. – To smooth out discontent, it is necessary to identify the cause. You need to calm down, exhale and imagine yourself in the place of a colleague: how would you behave in this situation. Once you understand the motives of people’s actions, it will be easier for you to establish contact with them. And this is the most important quality of a leader.
Emotional intelligence is a part of reality that helps you interpret facts without coloring them black. If a person wants to develop a positive attitude towards life and improve its quality, he must understand that joy and happiness are work on oneself. No one will give it, except ourselves.
Detailed course information is available training center “Specialist” and tel. +7 (495) 232 3216.
About expert
Irina Lyalina – team and career coach, leading teacher of the training center “Specialist” at the Moscow State Technical University. N.E. Bauman. For more than 20 years he has been conducting trainings on successful negotiations, motivation management, time management, managerial decision making, leadership, etc. He has an MBA degree in personnel management.