Friends, when I hear complaints about low self-esteem, I have a question: how do people understand that the problem is self-esteem? Well, you told yourself what you are … And where did the idea that you evaluated yourself inadequately come from?
The only inadequacy is that for some of our obviously inept actions, instead of training them, we sculpt the label «I have low self-esteem.»
And this hackneyed term, in the end, does not explain anything to us, but only fools our heads: if I work with my self-esteem, it will rise, become adequate, and then I will be able to do something important for me.
And how to work with this beast — self-esteem?
To do this, you need to explain what it is!
Self-esteem is the ability to evaluate yourself. So far nothing is clear!
How do you rate yourself? This is to evaluate your ability to achieve certain results that are important to me, in certain circumstances! The ability to skillfully act!
Can you act effectively and ultimately achieve? You will appreciate yourself!
Can not? You will study if you are a smart person.
Or — you will think about low self-esteem if you want to occupy yourself with empty thoughts.
Friends, let’s look at a smart approach to business using examples:
A girl can go to the mirror and look at herself: «I’m smart, beautiful.» After that, come somewhere and behave in a company quieter than water below the grass …
Inwardly, she understands that she is beautiful, while behaving like a downtrodden ugly lady.
Is it a matter of self-esteem, which fell on her from somewhere? The point is in her behavior, as a result of which she hangs a label on herself, which presses her to the ground even more, therefore diverting attention from the main thing. The main thing is that she just doesn’t know how to do some things: keep up the conversation, ask for help, attract attention with an interesting topic of conversation, boldly look into the eyes, smile incendiary. In other words, the girl does not know how to communicate. ⠀
Another example: very smart people may well not be able to speak in public, to keep the attention of the audience. And their fear of going to the gym is not due to low self-esteem, but due to a lack of skill. Do you understand the difference?
There is an opinion that if there is adequate self-esteem, there will be no fear. Alas, it is not.
All people experience fear. It’s just that someone knows how to manage their fears and master, on trembling legs)), new actions. Someone doesn’t know how. Because I decided — what can be done, only not being afraid.
All the cowards should know — everyone is afraid! Everyone shakes! This will pass after you start training the skill. Basically, you shake in advance, but in the process of training there is no time to shake))) The brain has already understood — there is nowhere to go, you need to master it))
Conclusion: Friends, there is no need to worry about self-esteem, moreover, it is generally better not to use this word in a conversation with yourself, because it distracts from the essence. And the essence is the following. You need to work with your ability to lower your anxiety — this time. Determining which communication skills are lacking is two. And step by step to develop new skills and abilities. Choose to start with simpler, less significant circumstances for their training. We do not immediately jump from a height of ten thousand meters))) And then — and into battle. In the most difficult circumstances for which a new skill was trained.
Let’s say you were appointed the head of a large team. Daily meetings are a must. You don’t have any public speaking experience. Is it scary to talk, catching dozens of other people’s views on yourself? Yes? What should be done?
Work out in an environment of little importance to you, when your knees are not so trembling.
For example, make a speech in the company of friends or gather strength and show off in front of those whom you see for the first and last time, for example, somewhere in an unfamiliar company on vacation. Look for these primary training situations for yourself. Don’t be lazy.
Friends, check your skills. Think about what skills you need to develop so that you think you have good self-esteem? Write it down! Sketch a list)) And — act, train!