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How to identify people who seem strong but are not really strong
Psychology
It is difficult for them to show their feelings, they never ask for help and give an image of strength and security in the professional environment, but they are hesitant and manipulable in the affective field
Their life may be falling apart but they are capable of making jokes. And that, contrary to what it might seem, is a clearer sign of vulnerability that of strength because many of the people who “go strong through life” (without being so) avoid showing concern or referring to what they are feeling. Their favorite phrase is “everything is fine” and it is difficult for them to connect with the emotions that often have “bad press” such as fear sadness or the hopelessness. In fact, as Verónica Rodríguez-Orellana, a psychotherapist and director of the Coaching Club, explains, it is usual for them to put a lot of energy into hiding their difficulties and that it is very difficult for them to share a conversation with a certain
grade of depth.
Another of the identifying traits of people who display a “False self-esteem” It is, according to the expert, a dissociation between her private life and her professional life. Thus, some of them may seem very “tough” and assertive at work, even assuming great responsibility, while in their private environment they are victims of the impositions of their children, their partner or the rest of their family.
That apparent security In the work environment it seems to be dismantled in the affective plane or in the day-to-day as the psychotherapist indicates that this type of people also usually has difficulty making apparently simple decisions on basic and everyday issues. It could be said, therefore, that in the most mundane aspects they manifest a constant doubt and they question themselves assiduously.
Consequences of this “false self-esteem”
Although these people feel overwhelmed, they will never ask for help because it is very difficult for them to recognize that they need it and that is something that, according to Rodríguez-Orellana, can take its toll on both them and their environment at some point if it manifests itself in the form of “Claims”.
The usual thing is that, as the expert describes, the person who lives with another who “is going strong” feels excluded or even impotent when trying to help, collaborate or show solidarity with the needs of the other.
When is self-esteem built?
We build self-esteem from the most tender childhood with the support of the «primary family» and the sociocultural environment. Thus, people who enjoy good self-esteem are characterized by being fully aware of what they are good at, but also of their difficulties, which also infuses them with a certain value and ability to overcoming. “They are individuals who feel comfortable with themselves and can express their opinion without feeling ashamed because they are not afraid to identify emotions and express them to others,” says the psychotherapist.
On the other side of the scale would be those people who did not live a quality link with the most significant people in their environment who, in general, are usually parents and teachers. Thus, the expert explains that the usual thing for them is that during childhood they have not had the possibility to experience their difficulties freely or that the adults in their environment have not legitimized the most vulnerable aspects that we all possess.
What strengthens self-esteem
Feed that inner dialogue that leads us to autoexigirnos above our real possibilities, to victimize us in silence, to disability, to disqualify our opinions or compare us with others it can destroy our self-esteem.
Therefore, to enhance this value, the expert recommends acting on this negative self-talk neutralizing it with actions such as assessing skills, recognizing that mistakes are learning, setting goals at the level of our capabilities, accepting and forgiving ourselves if we fail.
For her part, Anna Jordà, psychologist at mediQuo, proposes «forgetting to have absolute control and filling our mouths with empty objectives, understanding that there are many things that are beyond our control, since we cannot always be responsible for everything we do. happens to us”.
Regarding our relationship with others, Jordà explains that it is important to be surrounded by our loved ones to ask for their help and to contrast with them our own emotions and opinions. To achieve this, the mediQuo psychologist explains that it is necessary to try to transcend the superficiality in contact with others, dependence on external love and predisposition to rational thought. It also invites you to lose your fear of giving yourself emotionally to advance in personal growth because, as he explains, when you show yourself with sincerity, you express what affects you and things come from your heart, relationships that matter are created. “That is why it is convenient to share feelings,” he reveals.
The «8-8-8» technique to increase self-esteem
Something as simple as dedicating 8 hours a day to sleep, 8 hours to work and 8 hours to leisure can change a life. At least that is what the psychologist Sara Navarrete defends in her book «Increase your self-esteem. The 10 keys you need to change your life ». The author, who also directs the Center for Clinical and Health Psychology in Valencia, is convinced that one of the keys to achieving goals is to rest well.
The 8-8-8 technique, therefore, is based on dedicating 8 hours to work and that, as he explains, requires being focused on the moment of maximum energy (or workday), but he also affirms that it is important to learn to disconnect while finish each day. Only then will the remaining 8 hours be approached from the “joy perspective” because, as the expert reveals, it is essential to enjoy everything we do, whether it is housework or reading a book.