How to help your child make friends
In kindergarten, I remember, I often sat alone – apart from the rest. She quietly fingered the toys, looked out the window. I read it – I learned it early. It was a little sad that the others did not accept me in their game. I didn’t really try. I was somehow embarrassed to approach. The situation at school has not changed. I started making friends as an adult. And even then I will not say that I suddenly became the soul of the company and my notebook burst from the phones of my acquaintances.
Psychologists say that making contact with ease is a talent. Well, or work. Which needs to be dealt with from childhood. Of course, the child will not work on himself: he simply does not understand why no one wants to be friends with him and what to do about it. Your task is to help him cope with such a situation. Teach to be friends.
Do you often sigh that you yourself were very shy and withdrawn in childhood? Yes, it is possible that these traits of yours were passed along with your genes. After all, temperament plays an important role – and this is an innate thing, due to the characteristics of the nervous system. But any temperament can be “tuned” to shape the character.
Take the child along with his shyness by the hand, walk up to other kids, help him get to know each other. Suggest a simple game, start playing together. Have a contact? Now quietly step aside – let it be on your own. They’ll figure it out. And all will be well.
If you are wondering whether it is worth getting into a child’s relationship with peers at all, do not hesitate. Costs. But interference is not the same.
For example, if your son is not accepted to play on the basketball court, you should not come up and tell him to be accepted into the team. This will further undermine the authority of the child (“What, will you run to mommy?”).
And how to help, so as not to harm, the editorial staff of Woman’s Day was told by medical psychologist Elena Nikolaeva.
– It is better to start teaching children communication skills from a very early age. Teach your child to get acquainted. Simple formulas: “Hi, I’m Sasha. What is your name? Let’s play together ”or“ I’m Olya. Can I play with you? ” help the child overcome embarrassment and join the game together. Then it will be much easier for him to establish contacts with peers in kindergarten and school.
The next step is to teach your child to compliment. This is the easiest way to keep a conversation going. “Katya, you have such a beautiful dress” or “You draw so beautifully!” – anything, just sincere.
To have many friends, you need to have, no matter how cynical it sounds, a good choice. The child should be more often in the circle of peers. And it depends only on you whether he will have this opportunity. What can be done?
– allow him to invite peers to his home and visit him himself;
– organize a fun children’s party or gather everyone at a child’s birthday;
– more often invite your friends with children (those who have children of the same age as your child);
– enroll the child in the sports section or any other circle according to his interests.
In addition, it is important to teach your baby not only to speak, but also to listen.
– He must be able to listen to what the other person says, ask leading questions, make a connection between what he said before and what he says now. Do not forget to praise your child if you see his progress. “I see that you and Sasha were building the castle together. You had fun! “
Yes, playing in the yard is important. There is such a “sand” observation, which shows how children are included in the general game. It turns out that the kids, who immediately climbed into the very center of the sandbox and tried to take the lead, met with resistance from other children. The result was a conflict. The children who stood at the edge of the sandbox remained unnoticed. Success was achieved by those guys who first looked closely, settled at the edge, repeated what others did, and gradually moved towards the middle of the group. Gradually they found themselves in the center and felt great there.
It turns out that the child must be careful and be able to adapt to the situation, on the one hand, and be persistent enough, to be able to cope with the difficulties that arise, on the other.
– Teach your child to control their emotions. Explain that we all have a variety of feelings from time to time, and that it’s okay to have them against our will. But we can control their manifestations. Therefore, if someone took your toy, there is no need to fight and shout, it is enough to say: “This is my toy, and I play with it, if you want it too, you can ask. I get angry when they take a toy from me without permission. “
And no matter how strong your desire to find your child a friend, remember: the ability to be friends, and just to make contact, does not come immediately. So don’t rush your child, allow him to build up social skills at his own pace. Share your positive thoughts and feelings with your child. By your own example, show how to find good in any situation, and joy in mere trifles.