Many children are afraid of something. Sometimes ordinary fear develops into a phobia that prevents the child from fully functioning, and in severe cases, does not allow a normal life. How can parents help children deal with this?
My daughter has been afraid of spiders for a long time. Driving a car turned into a problem when a spider settled on one of the side mirrors. Every morning, a web appeared on the mirror, clearly demonstrating his presence, and he himself was hiding somewhere inside, and it was impossible to get him.
The debate about whether phobias can be congenital has been going on for a long time. None of the adults in our family are afraid of spiders, so such a strong fear in a child surprised me. Any spider found at home was either calmly eliminated, or left alone if it did not threaten anyone. Recent research suggests that some of these fears may indeed be innate. For example, scientists from the Max Planck Institute have shown that even very young children dilate pupils when they see snakes and spiders in pictures and photographs.
These results are very important, because at this age, babies are not even able to move independently and have not yet learned that snakes and spiders can be dangerous.
We need to try to ease the fear and not let it prevent the child from living a normal life.
Apparently, some fears are present in us from birth. This helps explain the problem our family faced.
What should parents do if the child is tormented by fear?
Although the results of the study show that children’s stress reactions to certain stimuli are innate, not all kids react so violently to spiders and snakes. It is likely that some children are able to control fear by reassuring themselves or by knowing certain facts about potential danger.
Whether it is an innate fear or acquired, in any case, it is important to help the child cope with it so that it does not turn into a phobia. If this has already happened, you need to try to ease the fear and not let it prevent the child from living a normal life.
1. Do not completely isolate the child from what causes fear. As a clinical psychologist, in my practice I have met parents who spent a lot of time trying to help their child — checking to see if a spider was hiding somewhere in the room or in the toilet. It is hard for any parent to see the suffering of a child. He is ready for almost anything to avoid this. By isolating the baby from any sources of fear, we give him temporary relief.
But in the long run, we exacerbate the problem even more by depriving the child of the opportunity to learn from experience that the danger is not so great.
2. Gently and gradually help the child to get acquainted with the object of fear. To begin with, you can simply offer him to look at pictures or photographs that depict what he is afraid of. Invite him to learn more about it — as if he were a scientist or researcher.
Buy “scary” toys and play them with your child.
If he is afraid of some animal, go to the zoo to see him in a cage. If we are talking about pets, such as dogs, regularly organize a meeting for the child with some good-natured dog, gradually increasing the duration and proximity of contact with the animal.
This process can be carried out under the supervision of a psychologist, if you feel the need. The psychologist will help you draw up an individual plan for gradually getting used to the object of the phobia and help you stick to it.
3. If you yourself suffer from the same fear as the child, do not show him your fear. In a scary situation, remain calm and explain to your child how real the threat is — if it exists at all — and how you are going to respond to it.
This situation may be unpleasant for you, you may have a desire to run away, but by doing so you will convince the child even more that the danger is real and there is a threat to his life and health. If you are unable to control your fear, consider seeking professional help as well.
The method of gradually getting used to the object of fear gives real results
Some fears are completely normal and are inherent in us from birth, while others can make life very difficult for a child if they develop into a phobia. By following the tips above, you will surely notice improvement over time.
The method of gradually getting used to the object of fear gives real results. I have seen children who were terrified by dogs, but over time, thanks to treatment, they were able to fall in love with four-legged pets. I have seen people turn their fear of insects or hurricanes into interest and curiosity during treatment.
Gradually accustomed to contact with spiders, my daughter did not like them, but her fear decreased so much that it stopped causing her discomfort or somehow interfere with her daily life.