How to help your child cope with severe stress

Life is full of stress. To grow and develop, you need to constantly try something new. Struggle, overcoming difficulties and failures instill self-confidence in the child, the conviction that he will cope with everything. But all the benefits of dealing with difficulties fade if the stress is too strong or prolonged. Constant overload of the nervous system leads to traumatic stress. The emotional centers of the brain are always in the “danger” state, and the body is in the “fight, flight or freeze” mode.

Constant stress can cause a host of problems, from headaches to indigestion. In addition, emotional overload prevents children from enjoying learning new things, because curiosity for the outside world usually arises with an even emotional background.

Imagine that you are very scared. How do you feel in this state? Are you ready to learn, try new things, actively communicate? Not! When we, children and adults alike, are frightened, we want to run, hide, and stay hidden until we feel safe and better again. We feel vulnerable and insecure, and if this continues for a long time, there is a feeling of hopelessness, inner numbness or even dead feelings. Traumatic stress can lead to depression, chronic anxiety, alcohol and drug addiction, isolation, or aggression.

How to help a child suffering from severe stress? Here are some ways.

1. Be close – the presence of a loved one calms

The creator of attachment theory, John Bowlby, proved that it is very important for children to feel secure for their full development. A child suffering from traumatic stress is frightened, even if outsiders do not see it (his fear may take the form of aggression). Your very presence will alleviate the condition of the child, even if it seems that he is not happy with you. Loneliness exacerbates fear.

2. Be gentle and sensitive

A child suffering from traumatic stress is very fragile and vulnerable due to an overexcited nervous system. Unfortunately, our culture places much more value on what the left side of the brain is responsible for, and we don’t talk much about the emotional security associated with right-brain work. It is responsible for non-verbal communication that we unconsciously perceive when communicating: tone of voice, eye contact, body language.

When communicating with a frightened child, try to speak softly and affectionately, avoid sudden movements so as not to frighten him even more.

3. Play to bond and soothe your baby

According to the polyvagal theory, games stimulate the social interaction system associated with the vagus nerve (the largest nerve in our body), which helps to relax. The game improves the well-being of the child, helps him calm down through interaction with others, the exchange of positive emotions, and activity.

It may seem wrong to offer a child in a state of great stress to play, but if he himself does not mind, it will do him good.

4. Help your child articulate his feelings

Describing emotions in words, we reduce stress and tension. To help your child do this, share your experience. For example, if he was traumatized by stress, you could tell him, “When I was little, my mother had to go away for a long time. She was sick and went to where the doctors could help her. Although I knew that it was necessary, I was still very sad and scared. Sometimes I was angry at my mother for not being around. Such feelings are normal and natural.

There are many ways to help your child express their feelings in words. For example, you could show him pictures of faces expressing different emotions and suggest pointing to the ones that best represent his own feelings. Various games, drawing, dolls can also help.

5. Give the child the opportunity to throw out energy

Our emotions contain impulses that generate energy in us, and it is important to splash it out, not to let it accumulate inside. For example, when a child is in danger, the brain creates a feeling of fear. Fear sends signals to the entire body, prompting to flee. But if the child for some reason cannot escape to safety, the energy remains trapped in the body and eventually leads to symptoms of traumatic stress.

Help your child express feelings, for example, through creativity: storytelling, fantasizing, playing with dolls. Don’t be afraid to experiment and listen carefully to the reactions to see what works best for him. Pay attention to when he clearly feels a sense of relief, looks calm and happy, ready to actively play and communicate.

6. Give your child more hugs if they don’t mind.

Hugging a child, rocking him on his knees, stroking his head, we help his nervous system, exhausted by chronic stress, calm down. It is important to carefully monitor the reaction – if the child is tense, your hugs are clearly unpleasant for him. If, on the contrary, he is calm and relaxed, you are doing everything right.

7. Encourage the child, help him understand what is happening to him.

Don’t lie to your child. Find a way to honestly explain what happened or is happening at the moment. For example, if he is going through a forced separation from his parents and is temporarily with you, you can say: “Mom and dad are fine, you will see them again soon. Until then, I’ll be by your side and take care of you.” It is necessary to explain to the child that he is not to blame for anything, that he is important and needed. Otherwise, he may begin to consider himself “bad” and insignificant due to the fact that it is hard and bad for him. It is important to speak clearly and clearly: “You will be all right”, “These feelings will pass”, “You are not alone”, “You are not to blame for anything”, “You did not deserve this”.

We all have a natural need to communicate and connect with others, and feeling safe is essential to our well-being. If for some reason the child has lost this feeling, everything possible must be done to return it to him as soon as possible.

Source: PsychoCentral.