It is naive to expect that a child will obediently do everything that adults tell him until a certain age, and then, one fine day, he will suddenly become independent, learn to set goals for himself and make meaningful decisions. If we want our children to grow up independent, then we need to teach them not only everyday independence, i.e. the ability to independently dress, eat, make a bed and do simple housework, and not only the ability to communicate independently, but also the ability to make decisions independently and be responsible for the consequences of their actions.
What needs to be done so that the child learns to make meaningful decisions and be responsible for the consequences of his actions?
First of all, we must show the child the possibilities that he has in this or that situation, and give him the right to choose how to act.
At the same time, it is definitely worth discussing with him the consequences that his actions may lead to. For example: “Do you want to disassemble the machine? Okay, she is yours, you can do whatever you want with her, but just keep in mind that later she may not get together and you will find yourself without a typewriter. Decide youself».
The child must have an area of life where he makes decisions himself and is responsible for the consequences of his actions.
For example, he can decide for himself when he will clean or study (but you must agree with him a deadline no later than which he needs to do this), how to distribute a delicious dessert for several days, what clothes to wear at home or where to go for a walk. Of course, his choice will not always be the best, and at times he will make mistakes. In such cases, it is necessary to discuss with him why his action led to disastrous results and what he should do in the future. Otherwise — if we always decide for the child and deprive him of the right to make a mistake — he will not learn to make meaningful decisions, but will either obey others or act impulsively.
It is very useful to plan the necessary things together with the child.
For example, if we want a child to learn a poem, we should not require him to put aside all his affairs and begin to learn it right now. It will be much better if we offer: «Masha, let’s decide when we will learn poetry with you.» Then the child himself will strive to fulfill the decision, because he will feel it as his own.
The child learns to make decisions independently not only in everyday life, but also during the game. First of all, this applies to role-playing games and games with rules, both board games (games with chips, cards, checkers, chess, backgammon) and mobile games. The game is a kind of space of free action, where you can try out a variety of options for your behavior. Therefore, the more often a child plays such games, the greater his experience of independent actions and the easier it will be for him to learn to act independently in real life.
An important role in teaching a child to be independent is also played by maintaining a daily routine. The habit of a certain regimen, which includes all the main activities of the day, structures the life of the baby and allows him to start learning to plan his time by the end of preschool age. If there is no daily routine, then the mother or grandmother has to constantly spend energy on “organizing” the child, constantly “standing over him” and demanding that he perform this or that action.