How to help our child develop his autonomy

Rituals are put in place to promote the autonomy of the child

Very early on, still a baby, our child learns that before going to the nanny or to school, he must eat, wash, dress …

To help him, from 2-3 years old, we can create a frieze with drawings of each action to be done in the morning before leaving the house. Scratches are placed on it, and he sticks the corresponding cards when he has completed the action.

The shrink’s advice: “To memorize what to do, a child needs detailed routines, to repeat the same gestures daily, in the same order”, explains Anne-Claire Kleindienst.

Baby, child … we teach him to do it alone

To become independent, children must first acquire skills, depending on their age and psychomotor development. For example, before asking him to hang out the laundry or fold it (possible with a certain skill and motor skills acquired around 7 years old). It’s up to us to show him the technique. Even if it takes longer at the start, and it’s not perfect right away, it’s a step! And if he is wrong, the psychologist recommends entering this error as a learning opportunity. We show, we adjust and we repeat!

Likewise, to let him go and buy bread, Charlotte Poussin, Montessori educator, also advises showing him how to do it, next to him. Then, the next time, he asks for bread in his turn. Then he will get the money back. Later, when he can, he will count the change. Then we will stay outside the bakery, etc.

The advice of the Montessori educator: “When he is given a mission, he learns to do it and at the same time he feels useful.” He sees that we need him, ”he says Charlotte Poussin.

Children learn by imitation a lot

As soon as we do something, we show him, according to his age, what he can do on his side. Thus, he will see us empty the dishwasher, put the cutlery … At the beginning, he will help us: for example, put away the teaspoons, bring the salt and pepper to the table … Little by little, he will be able to help us. undertake to do things on your own. We are going gradually so that it becomes natural, and even a reflex. Children learn a lot by imitation, so we take advantage of it!

How can you help your baby to be more and more independent?

“You can recognize a good worker by his tools”, the saying goes. If our child spilled his bowl of milk, he must know, from 4-5 years old, where to find the sponge to clean, and fend for yourself. And even if the result is not perfect, it’s the intention that counts! Did he dirty the mirror while brushing his teeth? Around 7-8 years old, he was made available with a rag and a sprayer, with a mixture of white vinegar and water in an easily accessible place, reminding him to be careful with it. For cooking, he may have his own utensils and recipe books suitable for his age.

We help him develop his self-confidence

In some schools, the teacher assigns the pupils a “job”: cleaning the blackboard, distributing documents… The same can be done at home. Anne-Claire Kleindienst thus suggests showing with the help of magnets or papers all the household chores that he is able to do. Then, he chooses those he thinks he can achieve. He sticks these activities (at most seven) on a pledge strip. It is up to us, benevolent adults, to accompany him to know when and how he can do them! A great tool to help him gain good self-confidence.

How to lead a child towards autonomy?

Around 9-10 years old, we can also encourage our child to write down things to do on a to-do list. Then he sorts out what he can do and what he needs the help of an adult for. “It’s a way of breaking down work. The tasks seem smaller, easier to carry out. It avoids procrastinating. And when he crosses off the task performed, it visually disappears and it feels good, ”adds the psychologist. He will derive satisfaction from it and will gain self-esteem. Finally, we supervise, without being intrusive, the preparation of the satchel for the next day.

The advice of the Montessori educator: “A child’s schedule is very directed. We can let him choose if he wants to do his homework after snack or if he wants to play a little before. To have a good representation of time, we can use a time-timer, a timer that shows the elapsed and remaining time. The child is thus more in control of his time and gains in autonomy, ”explains Charlotte Poussin.

Baby, child…: we give it time to grow up!

Difficult to ask your child, especially if he is very young, to dress alone overnight. In addition to psychomotor skills, learning new gestures takes time. We therefore plan to teach him when we are relaxed, on weekends, on vacation… We prepare our outfit the night before, favoring clothes that are easy to put on. For his coat, we show him that it is easier to put it on the ground and put it on like a cape… like Superman! And in the morning, we get up 5 minutes earlier to give him time to tie his buttons on his own, tie his laces… He will be less in a hurry, more relaxed and therefore more able to succeed!

We encourage our child every day

Your baby is growing… but at his own pace! Each time he does something, he is informed of his progress: “I appreciate when you contribute …”, “Thanks to your perseverance, you made your laces”, “I saw how you managed to do That, you are able to do that too ”… He will then be proud to grow up. And if he forgot a notebook while packing his satchel, we encourage him because he has already been penalized by this inattention. No need to add more. A fun and stimulating atmosphere will also encourage him to do more things: we can clean by singing, listening to music, talking to someone … Applications also allow a seductive approach. For example, Happy kids Timer helps to repeat morning and evening routines.

The shrink’s advice: “The psychiatrist Rudolf Dreikurs, disciple of Alfred Adler, said that“ encouragement is to the child what water is to the plant ”. It creates a motivating dynamic. The more capable and useful the child feels, the more satisfied he is with himself, ”explains Anne-Claire Kleindienst.

Let him choose and decide, from a very young age

Baby or child, we avoid doing everything and deciding for them. From 3 years old, he can choose between two outfits the one he wants to wear. Later, he selects his clothes on his own paying attention to the season and matching colors. We include it in the projects. We let him practice closing the buttons on his coat.

The advice of the Montessori educator:“From 6 years old, we ask him, for example, where he would like to go this afternoon, how to get there (public transport, car, bicycle…), how much it will cost… He can help himself to Google map, ask a passerby for the way. Children are often quite passive. There, he sees that his opinion is taken into account. It develops their ability to adapt, their self-esteem, their social qualities, and their resourcefulness. », Assures Charlotte Poussin.

We are inspired by the “Montessori” principles

We adopt the basic Montessoride principles to help them develop their autonomy. On a daily basis, we put in place furniture that will make it independent from adults to accomplish some simple activities. For example, in his room, from 2 years old, we stick photos on the bins so that he can store his toys. We put labels on his sweaters, his pants … We put a hook at his height so that he hangs his coat. So that he brushes his teeth above the sink, a step is installed. Around 8 years old, so that he can choose his clothes in the morning, they are put away at his height. In short, we promote anything that gives him independence in his daily life. And we are inspired by “Montessori” educational principles to help it grow.