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Even adults have a hard time in a society where everyone is preoccupied with harmony. It is difficult to maintain a normal self-esteem when everyone inspires that your weight is not what it should be, which means that you are somehow “not like that”. It’s even harder for teenagers. Psychotherapist Alison Cohen on how to help her daughter not worry about her appearance.
Many of us in our teens, long before social media was flooded with retouched photos, dreamed of becoming slim. It seemed to us that then we would definitely be accepted, loved and we would become popular – perhaps, in fact, we wanted to be accepted and loved by ourselves.
The physical changes that were happening to us at that time did not make the task any easier. “At this age, hormone production peaks, which is why the body is constantly changing: enlarged breasts, the body retains more fluid, jumps in appetite, and increases the risk of depression and anxiety disorders,” explains psychotherapist Alison Cohen, specialist in working with children, teenagers and their families.
What should parents of teenage girls do? How can I help my daughter accept and love her body and herself in general? Here are some tips.
1. Focus on her inner beauty and passions
It doesn’t matter how much your daughter weighs and how she looks – if you notice and appreciate her inner beauty and personal qualities, you will help her realize that appearance is far from the most important thing in life.
Tell her regularly, “You have a good heart. You are a caring and loving person. You see the good in others and truly care about them.” Encourage and praise her hobbies—for example, if she loves to write, draw, or play the guitar.
2. Watch what you say
If your daughter believes that you have a negative attitude towards those whose figure does not meet the standards accepted in society, this may adversely affect her self-esteem. Therefore, it is very important to watch what you say about the appearance and weight of other people.
Do you ever joke about someone being too thin or overweight? For example: “Why is she wearing a bikini? Why is he eating dessert? It’s time for her to play sports! How much better he would look if he lost a few kilos!”
In our example, children learn to be eternally dissatisfied with their figure and feel not attractive enough.
Pay attention to what you say about yourself: “I’ve had enough of flour – have you ever seen my thighs? I can’t wear sleeveless dresses – with my arms! I need to get to the gym and burn the calories from this donut.”
If children hear this, they learn such attitudes and begin to be overly critical of themselves. They learn to be perpetually dissatisfied with the figure and size and constantly feel not attractive enough.
3. Teach her positive thinking and confidence
For example, a mother can share her experience with her daughter about how her body felt after giving birth. Perhaps the figure will no longer be the same as before, but this makes it possible to learn to perceive your body as something beautiful and capable of creating new life. Tell us how you yourself managed to cope with insecurity and dissatisfaction with your body when you were a teenager. It is worth mentioning that the body of any shape and size can be beautiful.
“Adolescence is very important for developing a healthy relationship with your body,” says Alison Cohen. You influence the formation of children’s ideas about themselves, which is why it is so important to show that you accept and love them and yourself, regardless of body shapes and sizes.
And finally, it is worth adding that all of the above applies to teenage boys, many of whom also experience a sense of insecurity due to their figure and appearance.
About the Expert: Alison Cohen is a psychotherapist who specializes in working with children, adolescents and their families.