How to grow a winner

Fighters and non-fighters

During the Korean War, military observers found that infantry soldiers varied in how often they used weapons on a combat mission when clearly needed and even when their own lives were in immediate danger. Some did it confidently and efficiently, and never went beyond the necessary, others could not bring themselves to shoot if necessary, but could open unnecessary fire due to the fact that their nerves had failed.

The shocked command funded a large-scale study of the phenomenon of «fighters and non-fighters.» The research lasted for several years, and as a result, two groups of soldiers were identified that were radically different from each other.

The fighters were self-confident, adequate, they acted in accordance with the situation, they never sat behind the backs of others, they always helped their comrades. They usually say about such people in good old films: “I wish I went on intelligence with him.”

In contrast to the fighters, non-fighters were often cowardly, behaved inappropriately, could drop their weapons, run away from the battlefield, sit out in a trench or behind the backs of their comrades. They did not help others, they were nervous, they were called «weaklings», «squishy».

​​​​​​​Psychologists have posed a logical question: why are they so different? What has shaped such different characters and behaviors?

It turned out that most of the winners were brought up in complete families. Moreover, the father was the real head of the family. He was responsible for the family, made decisions, maintained order. Father’s authority was unshakable. At the same time, the boy, who was destined to become a fighter, always maintained a warm, trusting relationship with his father. The father spared no time for his family and sons, and, as the study showed, this time paid off in full — the sons of such a father were simply doomed to success in life.

In the family of a fighter, the mother was always perceived by the son as soft, gentle, caring, feminine, even if sometimes too troublesome and somewhat zanosloshnaya. In a word, family roles were distributed traditionally, and this structure was clear to the children.

The family of the fighter was distinguished by the fact that the authority of the parents was indisputable for the children, the children were placed in a clear disciplinary framework, always had certain duties and were controlled by the elders. At the same time, the atmosphere was not militarized, but, on the contrary, warm, children were loved, they were listened to, they were given a wide field of activity. Children were encouraged to try their hand at different fields. At the same time, parents achieved the highest quality in the performance of all the tasks that their children undertook.

On the contrary, in families from which non-fighters, losers came out, carelessness, “bohemianism” flourished; children, and often adults, did not have permanent duties and obligations to the family and others. Often, though not always (about 40% of the time), losers were raised by the same mother. But even if the father was present in such a family, he either occupied a subordinate position, was henpecked, or had little interest in his family and children, being engaged exclusively in earning money or any of his own affairs.

Thus, the study established two main factors due to which a fighter grows out of a boy, a winner: a strong loving father and a combination of strict discipline with a wide field of diverse activities for a child.

So who is he, the winner?

What is considered a victory, success in life? Someone believes that life is not lived in vain if you have amassed wealth or acquired titles and honor, or reached the heights of power. For some, success is to emigrate to America, to marry a prince. Someone will be happy to bypass all competitors and get a high-paying job. Victory? For some, definitely. See →

Competence of the winner

There are four classes in which losers are more competent than winners. This is going to the cinema, drawing, cooking and writing (although most often their competence is obvious only to themselves). In all other areas of life, the winners show much greater competence. See →

Discipline in different periods of a child’s life

Children cannot love and respect their parents if they are weak and indecisive. In this case, they simply sit on their neck and begin to manipulate them without a twinge of conscience. And do not count on the fact that their conscience will wake up! Won’t wake up. If you offer them your neck, they will sit on it and their legs will hang down.

But that’s not even the worst. Much more dangerous is that such a pattern of relationships will become habitual for your children, and they will try to sit on the neck and manipulate everyone with whom they will intersect in their lives. Undisciplined, irresponsible, gee, ill-mannered… Do you personally feel sympathy for such people? That’s what other people don’t experience. Let’s not doom our children to the dislike of others, but teach them to discipline.

The most important thing in a child’s life is love.

Everything said here is true under one indispensable condition: if the child lives in a loving family. That is, in a family where they love him and everyone else. That parents love their child is natural. Much has been written about how to show love to him. But what I want to emphasize especially is the need for mutual love of parents, which their children should see, in which they should not have a shadow of a doubt. See →