PSYchology

We want children to be happy, but we realize that we cannot lay straws everywhere. We understand that they need to explore the world, but we are afraid that someone will offend them. How can I help my daughter grow up to be a strong and independent woman?

We dream that our daughters are happy, and we are working on it. We read aloud to them, prepare for school, they go in for sports and music, guests come to them. We try to support their self-esteem. We say that they can become whoever they want. But through this upbringing, they learn to live up to expectations. It is important for them what others think, they try to be considered good.

What’s bad about it? A good girl is being used and manipulated, writes life coach Ti-Ann Pierce. She tries her best, but she can’t please everyone. We are programming it to fail. She wants everyone to be happy. She tries to be nice, otherwise mom and dad will fight, or mom will have a heartache, or dad will beat her.

She pleases to feel her importance, thinks about the feelings of others and forgets about herself, devalues ​​her dreams and desires. How to stop raising «good girls» and raise strong independent women?

1. Praise her for doing household chores.

But do not say that you cannot live without her help, cultivate independence, do not bind to yourself.

2. Listen to her when she’s angry

Let her always talk about what she doesn’t like. To raise an independent woman, you have to live with a girl who has her own opinion. Do not force her to be silent and do not discount her point of view. So she can stand up to bullies, teachers, her partner, her boss, and the board of directors.

3. Discuss her ideas, praise her tenacity and problem-solving skills

Discuss looks, weight, or eating habits less. Your daughter needs to know that you love her no matter how she looks.

4. Learn to take risks

Girls who are capable of taking risks have higher self-esteem, they are more resilient.

5. Allow yourself to solve problems

Let her cope with difficulties without outside help, as much as possible. You can discuss strategies with her, but let her decide for herself. Let her feel in control of her life.

6. Learn to set boundaries

The girl has the right to personal space, things and feelings, it must be respected. Don’t make her share everything. Favorite clothes, toys and secrets should belong only to her.

7. Don’t force you to meet your expectations

The daughter may have problems communicating with peers and conflict with you. Talk to her about the prospects and discuss options for resolving conflicts, but do not try to force her to communicate and be friends with everyone and do not discount her feelings.

8. Don’t let her be nice and kind to everyone.

Give your daughter a voice and make sure she uses it.

9. Teach your daughter to be strong.

Explain that there are many people in the world who are less fortunate than her and her family, and the strong and fortunate should help the weak. Be an example for her: set healthy boundaries, work on self-esteem.

10. Be glad she’s not like you.

Do not project your fears and experiences onto her. It’s not enough for girls to be cute, they need to be taught how to live in a competitive world, they need tools to help them become strong.

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