For most women, difficulties in their personal lives arise not at the stage of acquaintance and the formation of mutual sympathy, but later: it is not easy to translate relationships without obligations into serious and long-term ones, and affection into true love.
You need to understand what factors make a man fall in love. Many women suffer because their relationship remains in the “no commitment” stage and they don’t understand what’s wrong. The reason is not that men are «afraid of commitment.» It’s just that these women fail to arouse affection in a partner on an emotional level.
A purely physical attraction to a partner weakens over time, and a deep emotional connection is more important for the future of relationships. Here are 5 tips to help you fall in love with a man without resorting to unethical manipulation.
1. Appreciate its current strengths, not its potential. Everyone wants to be accepted and loved for who they are, but many start dating a man thinking first of all about his potential — about what he might become in five years with their help.
But the man is not your project. If you expect him to change, he will feel that you do not appreciate him for who he is now. Some may become ashamed of themselves: it turns out that they are not good enough. If a man feels this attitude at the beginning of the novel, he will run away.
When a man mentions that a woman is easy to communicate with, it means that he is ready to tell her something that he will not tell another.
When I asked happy married men how they realized that it was with this woman that they should link their fate, they often answered something like: “She never tried to change me.” Decide what qualities are important to you in a man, and look for a partner who already meets your requirements right now.
2. Make him feel emotionally secure. What it is? This means that a man knows that he can freely share his thoughts, feelings and desires with you without fear of judgment. When a man mentions that a woman is “easy to talk to”, it means that he is ready to tell her something that he will not tell anyone else, because he is sure that she will not judge or criticize.
The next time your partner is having a hard day and wants to complain about colleagues or share something personal with you, try to listen without judging or criticizing. You need to understand when to solve a problem, offer help, and when to listen. Sometimes a person does not want to deal with problems now, he needs to speak out.
3. Keep the relationship light and fun.Memories of others are linked to what we have experienced together. If you are constantly interesting and having fun, you will be associated with this person with these pleasant feelings.
Men and women would often prefer to develop relationships at a different pace. Status is usually important for women, so they are in a hurry to move into the “serious relationship” phase, skipping the first period of dating — the most cheerful and positive. Men, on the other hand, most often prefer to take their time and give themselves time to decide if they want to develop the relationship further. Therefore, it is important to maintain a light, playful and positive atmosphere at the beginning of the acquaintance. Remember that for a man, even if he really liked you, you are still just dating.
4. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.The secret to emotional intimacy is to open up, to allow yourself to be vulnerable. When you reveal to him the real you, without embellishment, you give him the key to all the intimate corners of your soul. And that is responsibility. Imagine what it’s like to earn someone’s complete, undivided trust. Incredible, right? By demonstrating your vulnerability and insecurity, you create a feeling of emotional security for a man, and he is likely to open up to you too.
Create a life for yourself that you like, and a man will want to be a part of it too
5. Let him run after you.Women often ask what to do if a man ceases to be actively interested in them. The correct answer is «nothing». If you start to panic, your actions will be controlled by fear.
I often see women start to panic as soon as it seems to them that a man is losing interest in them. Sometimes it’s just because he didn’t text or call one day, or he seemed distant at dinner. Fearing to lose him, they try to take control over the course of the relationship themselves and go too far: they start calling, plan everything themselves, and generally take on the role of leader, trying to direct the relationship along the desired path.
Thus, partners change roles and, often without realizing it, the woman begins to “run” after the man. For many men, this change in relationship dynamics is uncomfortable and they withdraw even more. Hence the lesson: let him run after you. Create a life for yourself that you like, and a man will want to be a part of it too.
About the author: Iona Yeng is an Australian coach.