How to get used to the format

If you want people to treat you with respect, you need to follow the format. If you don’t follow, you will get a relationship that will not suit you, you will start to suffer and protest, but it will be too late. The format is easy to establish at the beginning of a relationship while it is still developing, but gaining respect for yourself once the relationship has already developed is difficult.

There are people who don’t like being tough. They are wrong. Unfortunately, this is necessary, and setting a reasonable format just prevents unnecessary conflicts.

General rules for setting the format

If people are not formatted, it can be difficult with them. On the other hand, if we start formatting people right and left from morning to evening, it’s hard for people to work with us. Where is the exit?

Balance format with joy. You cropped a person with a format — it became more convenient for you. And what did the person get from this? Do you reward him for your convenience?

Use the «iron hand in a velvet glove» tactic. Rigidity and gu.e.st are different things. Resenting the violation of the format by others, do not go beyond yourself. Educated people know how to insist on the proper format — it’s beautiful.

Ready to learn — teach. A person may agree with you, but sometimes he does not know how to behave the way you would like. He wants to get rid of the mat, but when in feelings, he ceases to follow himself. She agrees that tantrums are unacceptable, but she has PMS. And then what? If the other side wants to change, you need to help, teach and accustom.

Not all at once. Learning to do everything at once is not going to work. Now you have taken one thing — you are accustoming to it. And while the issue is not resolved here, do not make noise about everything else. As long as you smile. Everything has its time!

Format is the art of the possible. There are things that your partner will never do, if only because it does not suit him. And sometimes because he is simply unable to fulfill your requirements, even if he wanted to. And then the criticism is pointless and stupid. You can break up, you can negotiate, and you can withdraw your format requirements: it’s all up to you.

Features of accustoming to the format

Everyone needs to be accustomed to the format, but everyone — in different ways.

Small children are a special conversation. It can be useful to explain the correct behavior to a child, but small children do not always understand explanations, but frankly, they do not understand well. They are more impressed by bright pictures (impressions), understandable patterns and, most importantly, methodicalness in repetition.

Mothers who allow their children to do everything, after a while, do not stand up and begin to break down on their children. To prevent children from sitting on your neck, sometimes you need to be firm.

It is very important if, when communicating with children, you initially, as a mandatory and not discussed, enter the format: “We communicate without crying.” Teach your kids to be normal. Do not guess what the children want from you with their crying. Let them learn: while they are crying, you do not understand them. You can understand what they want only when they clearly say what they want.

Accustoming to the format does not have to be accompanied by a negative attitude towards the child. On the contrary, a background of respectful and kind attitude will only help you.

Many mothers are afraid to start being demanding with their children: “I’m afraid that if I start talking to him strictly, demandingly, I will lose contact with him, he will stop listening to me and run away.” The fears are understandable, but it would be more accurate to formulate it differently: not impersonally, not “contact will be lost”, but “a child dissatisfied with the severity of the mother will begin to behave in such a way that the mother sees the lack of contact and feels guilty for it.

Everything can be fun and efficient. You can read a fascinating story about how I taught my son to be reasonable in the second grade here.

Teens are easier. It is already possible to speak with teenagers as with adults, turning to their mind, but at the same time you have to repeat the same thing several times, as in communicating with children.

Getting used to the format of adults? With smart adults, this is easier than with children, because an adult understands better and can do a lot, in the order of self-organization. It is more difficult with stupid people and with people «in resistance» than with children, because children can be pressured, and it is more difficult to do this with an adult. Then — or accustoming quietly, or still agree. Best of all, when the habituation to the format can occur consciously and in a collaborative mode, like learning a new form of behavior.

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