Torn between work and family affairs, we sometimes completely forget about ourselves. But finding time for ourselves is necessary for each of us, says psychotherapist Abby Seishes. She offers an exercise that will help to get rid of the unnecessary and do what makes us happy and harmonious.
1. Take a pen and a blank sheet of paper. Write down everything you have to do. Do not criticize or censor the list. Do not think about whether there is a possibility to get rid of these things; is it worth it; will you blame yourself if you get rid of them; do you have the moral right to do so; whether your neighbors, friends, or someone else are weighed down by such activities. Just include in the list everything that belongs to the category “I do it now, but I would like to forget about it.” For example: “I go to the phone during dinner”; “I agree to perform various public tasks at the school where my children study”; “I work during my lunch break”; “I watch TV before going to bed”; “I go to lunch with a colleague who chats nonstop and doesn’t listen to anyone but herself.”
2. When there are more than ten items on the list, choose the one that will be the easiest for you to get rid of. Write it down at the top of the sheet, and then think about the first step you could take in that direction. Think about something accessible, keep yourself from global all-or-nothing steps. If you want to be off work during your lunch break, start by choosing one or two days a week when you’ll be off for lunch for half an hour. If you want to be released from some public assignments, do not answer «yes» or «no» immediately, take time to think («I need to think, I will answer you later»). Write down your next step using the present tense as if you were already doing it. Try to be as specific as possible, for example: «Tuesdays and Thursdays from one to half past one I’m at lunch.» “When someone asks me, I say that I have to weigh everything and I will answer later.”
3. Write down on the same sheet (or in a diary, if you keep one) what difficulties you may encounter when you implement your plan, and what can be done to overcome them. For example:
Difficulties: «Sometimes work meetings take up my lunch time.»
Possible Solution: Mark your calendar for half-hour lunch breaks at least a month in advance so you don’t have appointments at that time. If urgent matters happen, reschedule the break for another time of the same day.
Difficulties: “I’m so engrossed in my work that I don’t keep track of time and only at the end of the day I realize that I worked without a break.”
Possible Solution: Set a reminder on your phone. Let him call 10 minutes before the start of lunch, otherwise you will not have time to complete your current business before the scheduled break.
- Difficulty in enjoying everyday life
4. Share perceived difficulties and ways to solve them with someone close to you. Talking about your plans and getting support is very helpful.
5. And now — do what you planned. How are you feeling? At the end of the day, write down your accomplishments to keep your resolve going. When you realize that you have coped with the task, for example, you managed to include lunch in your overloaded work day, select the next item from the list and go all the way from start to finish.
* E. Seishez “In Search of the Secret River. Six Steps to Peace of Mind” (Speech, 2010).