How to get rid of the habit of thinking negatively?

Have you ever found yourself constantly replaying unpleasant, painful thoughts in your head and not ready to let them go? Or maybe you happened to find yourself in the company of a whiner, endlessly talking about some kind of failure?

It is unlikely that any of us consciously seeks to engage in self-flagellation. It is innate in us to want to be the best version of ourselves. But, surprisingly, the brain is wired so that its reward systems are also activated by negative emotions, such as anxiety, shame, or guilt. In the past, this reaction must have encouraged us to climb out of the cave and go hunting so as not to be left without food, or to behave according to the rules in order not to be rejected by our tribe. But in today’s world, where our fears are mostly psychological rather than physical, this evolutionary trait may be doing more harm than good.

Fortunately, we are not at all doomed to remain victims of this situation, we are within our power to overcome it. And here is how it can be done step by step.

Name your emotion

Ask yourself what are you feeling: anxious, restless, sad, frustrated? By naming an emotion, by giving it a name, we help our brain feel in control of it, and not be its slave.

Notice your thoughts

Following the appearance of emotion in our head, a mental comment about what is happening is born. These comments help us make sense of the situation as we try to connect what happened with what we already know about the world. Oddly enough, even if we evaluate the situation as painful for ourselves, but at the same time it corresponds to our general ideas about ourselves and the world, then we experience both pleasant and unpleasant feelings at the same time.

For example, we think, “She refused to come because she doesn’t like me.” The thought cannot be called joyful. However, it is consistent with our belief that we are unworthy of love, and this coincidence leads to the release of the joy hormone dopamine into the bloodstream.

Playing with oppositions

Instead of letting our inner commentator do what he wants, we should confuse him by coming up with a version that is in meaning the opposite of the one that he imposes on us.

He says, “She doesn’t love me,” and we reply, “She loves me very much.” He says, “I hate my job” – our answer is, “My job provides opportunities for growth.” The point of this opposition game is that we don’t allow ourselves to fall into the trap of negative statements.

Try on a detective hat

Now the fun begins! Analyze this opposite statement – can you support it with some examples? Most likely, you will remember at least one example, even a very small one. Make it your support, let the thought of it warm and inspire you, let its value grow in your eyes.

Remember all the details: who were you with then, what did they say, what did you feel, what did you do? The more you think about this example, the more firmly it becomes fixed in your long-term memory and quietly begins to change your gloomy view of the world.

Get Started

What will be your next step now that you are looking at things more realistically? Isn’t it time to finally stand up and take some constructive action that will move you forward instead of getting stuck in place? Maybe call a friend? Arrange brainstorming and see new opportunities in your work?

Remember, when you make decisions, you start to feel like you’re in control, which is exactly what your brain needs when it’s stuck repetitively repetitive.

PS I hope now you understand that not only guilt, shame or anxiety can activate the reward system in your brain? Keep in mind that pride activates it the most. So act positively and be proud of yourself. Your brain will thank you!

See more at Online happify.com