How to get rid of harmful unconscious beliefs

With these beliefs, also known as thought distortions, the brain tries to show us that certain thoughts and feelings are hard facts and not just subjective sensations. If we look at the world through the “black glasses” of negative beliefs, even neutral events can seem unpleasant.

Typical unconscious beliefs:

• I lack something (or, on the contrary, something in excess)
• He or she is smarter, prettier and more successful than me
• I’m a loser (loser)
• I will never reach my goals
• I will always be alone (alone)
• Life is hard
• Nobody loves Me

Where do they come from? Possible sources:

• Family
• The culture we grew up in
• Media
• People whom we or our loved ones consider role models
• Our own interpretations
• Teachers, psychotherapists, mentors

How do they affect our lives?

• We ourselves mentally limit our potential
• We believe that the past determines our fate
• We maintain the status quo
• We regret the missed opportunities
• We move away from friends and loved ones
• Our self-esteem is declining

Imagine that a friend promised to call at a certain time. You rely on her to keep her promise. An hour has passed, but the phone does not ring. Thoughts like: “She doesn’t care about me. She doesn’t consider me a friend (friend). I can’t rely on her. What is wrong with me? Why doesn’t she call me? I’m not such a good friend, otherwise she would have called. I can’t rely on anyone. Why bother trying to trust anyone at all? I will always be alone. Nobody cares about me.”

In comics and cartoons, characters’ thoughts are usually drawn in a cloud over their heads – well, your “cloud” at such moments is so overloaded with thoughts that it seems as if they no longer fit inside.

The next day, a friend calls and says that due to unforeseen circumstances she was unable to contact you yesterday. Even if you feel relieved, you will still have a residue of self-deprecating thoughts. And the next time she or someone else fails to keep a promise, your accumulated negative associations may resurface in your memory.

It’s not about what happened, it’s about how you perceive it

The brain has the ability to make sense of everything. The reaction to any event depends on how we perceive it.

Imagine a desk: its color, size, how it feels to the touch, how many drawers it has, what lies on it. Let’s say it reminds you of your sixth grade math teacher’s desk. If this school year left you with good memories: you studied well, you had many friends, then most likely you will be pleased to remember this table and mentally sit down at it.

If at that time you studied with difficulty, hated school, you had no friends, you were attacked by classmates, then being next to this imaginary table can evoke unpleasant emotions.

This table is just a neutral object. And the emotions associated with it cause associations and distortions of thinking.

Retune your radio

Do you listen to the radio? The choice of radio stations and programs is almost always and everywhere great: entertaining, educational, or a mixture of both. The brain also receives the “program” that you have tuned in to.

Imagine two radio stations: Fear FM and Love FM. At the first stage, the presenter deliberately intimidates listeners with threatening catastrophes in order to raise his rating. On the second, pleasant music plays, the presenter tries to inspire the listeners.

Your mood and worldview largely depends on the “radio station” you prefer. Perhaps you keep listening to Fear FM because you don’t know alternatives or because your parents listened to it. Perhaps, over time, you will want to switch to a different wave in order to recharge your energy, become more successful in your professional and personal life.

Other Ways to Get Rid of Unconscious Beliefs

• Ask yourself: is this thought a fact or my subjective feeling? Fact: a friend promised to call and did not call. Subjective feeling: “Probably I’m not too dear to her.”
• Ask yourself the question: why maintain a belief that does not help in life?
• Make a conscious decision to change the belief. Before you say that it is difficult or even impossible, remember everything that you used to believe in, and then stopped. As a child, Santa Claus was a reality for us, as well as the “monsters” under the bed. It is unlikely that we continue to think so now.
• Surround yourself with optimists. The more people around who look to the future with confidence, the easier it is to get rid of all the stuck mental “dirt”.
• Imagine the life you dream of. Don’t limit yourself by imagining how “should” be – imagine how “could” be.
• You might say, “But what if it doesn’t work? Again, continuous disappointment … “Object to yourself:” What if it works out?
• Be gentle with yourself. Your problems and negative beliefs did not arise yesterday, and it will also take time to change for the better.

By changing your thinking and inner beliefs, you can open up a whole new world of possibilities that you never even knew existed.