We protect ourselves from fears and disappointments. We try to avoid unrest and are afraid of pain. Psychologist Benjamin Hardy talks about the nature of fears and how to deal with them.
Getting rid of «thorns»
Most live like they have a huge spike in their hand. Any touch brings pain. To avoid pain, we save the thorn. We can’t sleep well — the thorn can touch the bed. You can’t play sports with him, go to crowded places and do a thousand other things. Then we invent a special pillow that can be tied to the arm to protect it from being touched.
This is how we build our whole life around this thorn and it seems that we live normally. But is it? Your life can be completely different: bright, rich and happy, if you cope with fear and pull the thorn out of your hand.
Everyone has internal «thorns». Childhood traumas, fears and limitations that we have set for ourselves. And we do not forget about them for a minute. Instead of pulling them out, once again fully reliving what is connected with them, and letting go, we drive deeper and hurt with every movement and do not get everything we deserve from life.
The evolution of fear
The “fight or flight” response was formed in humans in ancient times, when the world was full of dangers. Today, the outside world is relatively safe and our threats are internal. We are no longer afraid that the tiger will eat us, but we are worried about what people think of us. We don’t think we’re good enough, we don’t look or talk like that, we’re sure we’ll fail if we try something new.
You are not your fears
The first step to finding freedom is to realize that you and your fears are not the same. Just like you and your thoughts. You only feel fear and are aware of your thoughts.
You are the subject, and your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations are the objects. You feel them, but you can stop feeling them if you stop hiding them. Explore and experience them to the fullest. You will most likely feel uncomfortable. That is why you hide them, you are afraid of painful sensations. But in order to get rid of the thorns, they need to be pulled out.
Life without fear
Most people live in a matrix that they have created to shield themselves from reality. You can get out of the matrix by opposing yourself to fears and emotional problems. Until you do this, you will live in illusions. You will protect yourself from yourself. Real life starts outside your comfort zone.
Ask yourself:
— What am I afraid of?
What am I hiding from?
What experiences do I avoid?
What conversations do I avoid?
What kind of people am I trying to protect myself from?
What would my life, my relationships, my work be like if I confronted my fears?
When you face your fears, they will disappear.
Do you feel like your boss thinks you’re not hard enough? Therefore, you try to meet with him as little as possible. Change tactics. Contact your boss for clarification, make suggestions and you will see that you are not afraid of a person, but of your thoughts about him.
The choice is yours. You can build your life around fears or live the life you like.