Each of us, who at least once parted with a loved one, partner, husband (wife), is familiar with the complex feelings and experiences that arise at the moment of breakup. How do you deal with the emotional pain that comes with any breakup? Recommendations of psychologists.
First of all, it is worth recognizing: the couple is unlikely to diverge if everything is fine. As a rule, the decision «it’s time for us to leave» is made after a series of serious quarrels and conflicts, loss of trust or feelings of emotional alienation. But the paradox of the gap lies precisely in the fact that people feel bad with each other, but they are not better apart (at least, they don’t get better all at once).
- How do you deal with breakups?
No matter how difficult the relationship, parting is still painful. More or less, it depends on many factors, including, according to the Italian psychologist Paola Liscia, on age. “Between 20 and 30 years, the gap is perceived by people much easier, because they are still open to life and prospects in the future. After 35 years, this experience becomes more difficult, especially for those who would like to start a family, or for those who just created one: for them, divorce becomes the collapse of life plans. But the perception of separation after 50 years can differ in women and men. For the latter, this may be an opportunity to show their masculine worth and attractiveness, especially in front of younger women. But for women who around this age are just facing menopause, the gap becomes another reason for feeling uncomfortable.”
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But regardless of age and other factors, most often the end of a relationship is accompanied by a feeling of guilt (“I did everything wrong, that’s why we broke up”), and resentment, and a sense of uselessness, and low self-esteem … Here are some tips on how to cope with this emotional pain.
- Take care of yourself and your body. A comfortable feeling of the body will definitely affect your emotional state. You can cook your favorite meals. Or find time for the gym — this will help you not only keep fit, but also «let off steam» and cheer up.
- Sometimes, going through a breakup, people find themselves so immersed in some kind of intense inner life that they stop doing basic everyday things, such as keeping the house clean. “It is very important to keep the environment in which you live in order,” notes Paola Onlycia. — It is better to get rid of things that remind you of an ex-partner or are simply no longer needed.. This will change your perception of space and bring a sense of novelty and freshness into your life.”
- Separate … by SMS?
- A new hobby also helps to survive the breakup. Surely you had something that interested you and what you would like to try your hand at, but did not find time for anything? Then now is the best time to learn something new and raise your self-esteem.
- Sometimes, in an effort to soften the blow, a couple decides to «remain friends.» However, Paola Onlyia does not consider this idea a good one and, on the contrary, recommends avoiding meetings and communication with the former: “Friendships will only interfere with truly parting and will rather become “salt to the wound”. A friendship that won’t hurt either of you is only possible after a while, when you both really accept that you’re not a couple anymore.» Until this happens, the psychologist recommends ending any relationship.
- Reading special literature, which, of course, is cheaper than visits to a psychologist or individual therapy. According to the American psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne, the effect of good books is comparable to what can be obtained from working with a psychologist. Another question is, how suitable is this method for you? Most of us read with pleasure, but do not put the advice into practice. Another thing, mobile application, game diary «Hello Next! Forget your ex» for iOS, thanks to which daily practical tasks will be available to you, aimed at helping you cope with the emotional pain of breaking up with a partner, strengthen faith in yourself and find a new one. The application’s hero coaches, in turn, will remind you to complete the quest on time. In addition, the phone is almost always at hand and you can record your emotions every day and use the SOS button at the exact moment when you need it to get advice.
- «I can’t part with a married man»
- Is it helpful to talk about what is happening to you with friends or colleagues? Psychotherapist Gennaro Romagnoli believes that instead of talking about your suffering with others, it is better … to write letters. For yourself. In his opinion, taking five minutes a day to throw out your pain on paper is much more effective than endlessly discussing the current situation with friends. Put letters in separate envelopes, and every time you feel better, or when you just had a good day and are in a good mood, get rid of one of them: burn it, tear it into small pieces, just throw it away — on your discretion.