Many people are familiar with the state when they have everything: prosperity, a family, a prestigious job, but at the same time there is a vague feeling that something is missing, and it is not clear what exactly, because everything seems to be there … This is the right symptom of a midlife crisis.
In the last 10-20 years, the midlife crisis has become noticeably younger: more and more often it overtakes 30-year-olds. Now is a fast time, and many achieve success at 27-30, and after success comes a feeling of dissatisfaction. And that means it’s time to look inside yourself before it develops into a protracted depression.
Signs of a midlife crisis
Achievements in the outer world are important, but they do not bring complete satisfaction and happiness if they do not harmonize with inner values, do not express the deepest needs of the human soul. When there is no harmony, a person experiences discomfort.
A crisis can be identified by the following features:
- inexplicable anxiety or longing for which there is no apparent reason;
- lack of satisfaction from work, bad mood, feeling of wasted time;
- the feeling that we are not living our own life.
Among successful people, there are many who build their lives, focusing on external indicators: well-being, a high step on the social ladder, respect for others. But at the same time, they do not always know what is important to them. Therefore, the first step towards getting out of the crisis is to understand your views, determine your deepest values, and find inner support.
Define values
When I ask the question “What is important to you?” I often hear simple words like “family” or “health”. But these are just words, and everyone puts a different meaning into them. For one, the family means the need for support and understanding, for another — security and a strong rear, for the third — close emotional relationships and trust. Health is also understood differently by everyone. For some, this means stopping catching a cold and starting to be active, and for another, it means climbing Everest or scuba diving to a depth of ten meters and discovering a new level of inner freedom. After all, we need to go under water and to the top not just like that, but for some reason.
Doing something good for others, we experience joy, and causing them suffering, we doom ourselves to suffering.
And when we begin to immerse ourselves in these meanings of the soul, listen to its aspirations, we gradually recognize our dream and connect with the energy that is hidden in it. Those who act from their deepest values do not have a sense of emptiness and a sense of wasted time. The process of moving towards the goal is filled with meaning and brings happiness.
Three levels of being
To streamline my reflections on the midlife crisis, I propose to understand the three levels of being.
Physical layer: where and how we live, what we eat and what we drink, where we go and what we surround ourselves with, how we treat our health, sleep, rest, etc.
Emotional level: emotional intelligence, relationships with oneself and others, with colleagues and friends. What do our thoughts contribute more to — peace and cooperation or conflict and hostility? To what extent do we know and satisfy our deepest needs, understand the needs of others?
Spiritual level: To what extent do we realize our destiny and feel connected with the whole world?
By answering these questions, we realize what we are at the present moment. Sometimes we do not have a ready answer for some of the questions. Here you need to listen to yourself, without rushing. Be patient and the answer will appear. The first level of values is rarely problematic, the second one requires some serious thought, and the third level questions are almost never answered immediately.
Perhaps the following idea will help to ponder them: we all have a deep understanding that all people on Earth and the Earth itself are a single whole. Separation and competition are only an appearance, an illusion. It is not difficult to find confirmation of this: by doing something good for the sake of others, we experience joy, and by causing them suffering, we doom ourselves to suffering, even if we do not immediately notice it.
From birth, we receive something important from the world, but there comes a time when we must ask ourselves what we ourselves bring to this world, what we give to it. Sometimes the same question sounds like this: “What mark will I leave? What will be left after me?
If we know the answer, then we are close to realizing our destiny, a mission that gives us the power of deep motivation and energy to act, make dreams come true and serve others.
Our deepest values are a kind of internal compass by which we can check whether we are going in the right direction.
Such a “reconciliation” with oneself should be done more often. It is not necessary to wait for a crisis to come to understand that we are not where we would like to be.
Get rid of delusions
But why don’t we always know this from the start? We are hindered by various misconceptions, stereotypes imposed by the environment. For example: «I can’t change anything» or «I’m not good enough / good enough to change something.» Sometimes these are not even our own thoughts, but what we inherit from our parents and grandparents.
I believe that the inherent nature of man is the nature of goodness and happiness. And if we gradually free our mind from the delusions that limit us, we will return to this original nature.
It doesn’t happen all at once. It will take practice and patient loving attention: we must develop mindfulness. Having embarked on this path, we experience great relief. With each step, the joy and the level of experience of happiness will increase.
If a person lives with the thought that he is not good enough, he begins to see other people as “not good enough”. If a person is happy, he will not commit evil — he also wishes others to be happy. By gradually changing our thoughts, we change our lives. And when we seek happiness for ourselves — and not only on the physical, but also on two other levels, thereby we bring good not only to ourselves, but to everyone around us.
daily joy
This is a simple practice that will allow you to improve your well-being and increase your emotional background.
Find a few minutes at the end of the day. Sit in a quiet place where no one will disturb your thoughts, and mentally go over all the events of the past day. Think of 5 happy moments. They can be significant, such as a new achievement or victory, or fleeting: for example, you notice a sunbeam peeking through the clouds, smell a pleasant smell, or hear a melody that you like. Or maybe a stranger smiled at you or you smiled at someone.
Feel grateful for having experienced it. If your memory didn’t reveal anything joyful about the day, thank yourself for bringing it to your attention. And adjust your focus to notice the simple joys of the next day.
By repeating this practice daily, you will soon find that every day you have more joyful moments. These subtle experiences will develop your emotional intelligence and increase your level of happiness.