How to get out of a creative block when you are over 30

“I lost myself,” Ira began her story with this phrase. — What’s the point? Work, family, child? Everything is meaningless. For six months now I wake up in the morning and understand that I do not want anything. There is no inspiration or joy. It seems to me that someone sits on the neck and controls me. I don’t know what I need. The child is not happy. I want to divorce my husband. It’s not all right.»

Ira is 33 years old, she is a decorator. Beautiful, smart, thin. She has a lot to be proud of. Over the past three years, she unexpectedly “took off” to the peak of her creative career and conquered her Olympus. Her services are in demand. She collaborates with a famous Moscow designer, from whom she studied. Joint seminars were held in America, Spain, Italy, the Czech Republic and other countries of the world. Her name began to sound in professional circles. At that moment, Ira already had a family and a child. With joy, she plunged headlong into creativity, returning home only to spend the night.

WHAT’S HAPPENED

Quite unexpectedly, against the backdrop of exciting work and professional recognition, Ira began to feel emptiness and meaninglessness. She suddenly noticed that partner Igor, whom she idolized, was afraid of rivalry and began to push her aside: she didn’t take her to joint programs, excluded her from competitions, and said nasty things behind her back.

Ira took this as a real betrayal. She devoted three years to the creative project of her partner and his personality, completely «dissolving» in him. How could this happen?

The situation was complicated by the fact that now her husband began to seem to Ira mundane and simple. She used to rejoice in his care. The husband paid for Ira’s studies, supported her in an effort to prove herself. But now, against the backdrop of a creative partnership, the husband began to seem boring, conversations with him are banal, life is uninteresting. Quarrels began in the family, talk about divorce, and this was after 12 years of marriage.

Ira got depressed. She withdrew from the project, scaled back her private practice, and retreated into herself. In this state, she came to a psychologist. Sad, silent, closed. At the same time, in her eyes, I saw depth, creative hunger and longing for close relationships.

SEARCHING FOR THE REASON

In the process of work, we found out that Ira never had intimacy and warmth with either her father or her mother. Parents did not understand and did not support her creative «antics».

The father did not show feelings for his daughter. He did not share her childhood impulses: rearrangements in the apartment, decorating her girlfriends with cosmetics, dressing in her mother’s clothes with impromptu performances.

Mom was also «dry». She worked a lot and scolded for creative «nonsense». And little Ira distanced herself from her parents. What else was left for her? She closed her childish, creative world with a key. Only alone with herself, Ira could create, painting albums with paints, and the road with colored crayons.

The lack of understanding and support from her parents “sowed” in Ira a lack of confidence in her ability to create something new.

THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM

Faith in ourselves as a unique and creative person comes to us thanks to our parents. They are our first raters. Our idea of ​​our uniqueness and the right to create depends on how parents react to our first children’s steps in the world of creativity.

If parents accept and approve of our attempts, then we gain the right to be ourselves and express ourselves in any way. If they do not accept, it is difficult for us to allow ourselves to do something unusual, and even more so to show it to others. In this case, the child does not receive confirmation that he can realize himself in any way. How many talented people still write «on the table» or paint the walls of garages!

CREATIVE UNCERTAINTY

Ira’s creative uncertainty was compensated by the support of her husband. He understood and respected her creative nature. Helped with studies, financially provided for life. Silently listened to talk about «high», realizing how important it is for Ira. He did what was in his power. He loved his wife. It was his care and acceptance at the beginning of the relationship that “bribed” Ira.

But then a «creative» partner appeared in the girl’s life. She found support in Igor, not realizing that with his cover she compensates for her creative insecurity. The positive assessment of her work and public recognition in the project gave strength.

Unfortunately, a quick “take-off” did not give Ira the opportunity to strengthen her strength and find a foothold in herself. She achieved all her goals together with a partner, and having achieved what she wanted, she found herself in a creative impasse.

“What do I want now? Could I do it myself?» Questions like these are honesty with yourself, and it can be painful.

Ira forced out the experiences of creative self-doubt into the unconscious. This manifested itself in a state of apathy and a loss of meaning: in life, in work, in the family, and even in the child. Yes, separately it cannot be the meaning of life. But what’s the point? How to get out of this state?

SEARCH FOR A WAY OUT OF THE CRISIS

We have established contact with the childish part of Ira, her creativity. Ira saw her «creative girl» with light curls, in a bright, colored dress. «What do you want?» she asked herself. And before her inner eye opened such a picture from childhood.

Ira stands on the top of a ravine, behind which the outskirts of the city with private houses are visible. “Aims” with a look at the house that she likes. The goal has been chosen — now it’s time to go! The most interesting begins. Ira overcomes a deep ravine, tumbling and falling. He climbs up and continues his way through unfamiliar houses, abandoned barns, broken fences. The unexpected roar of a dog, the cries of crows and the curious looks of strangers excite her and give her a sense of adventure. At this moment, Ira feels the smallest details around with every cell. Everything is alive and real. Full presence here and now.

But Ira remembers the goal. Enjoying the process, she is afraid, rejoices, cries, laughs, but continues to move forward. This is a real adventure for a seven-year-old girl — to pass all the tests and reach the goal on her own.

When the goal is reached, Ira feels the strongest and runs home with all her might with a victory. Now she really wants to go there! Silently listens to reproaches for dirty knees and a three-hour absence. What does it matter if she achieved her goal? Filled, keeping her secret, Ira goes to her room to «create». Draws, sculpts, invents clothes for dolls.

The true desires of our inner child are the source of creativity and self-realization. Ira’s childhood experience gave her the strength to create. It remains only to give a place to the inner child in adulthood.

WORK WITH THE SUBCONSCIOUSNESS

Every time I am amazed at how accurately our unconscious works, giving out the necessary images and metaphors. If you find the right key to it, you can get answers to all questions.

In the case of Ira, it showed the source of her creative inspiration — a clearly chosen goal and an independent adventure to achieve it, and then the joy of returning home.

Everything fell into place. Ira’s creative beginning is an «adventurer artist». The metaphor came in handy, and Ira’s unconscious instantly caught it. There were tears in her eyes. I clearly saw in front of me a small, determined girl with burning eyes.

EXIT FROM THE CRISIS

As in childhood, today it is important for Ira to choose a goal, overcome obstacles on her own and return home with a victory in order to continue creating. Only in this way Ira becomes strong and fully manifests herself.

That is why a quick career take-off in partnership did not satisfy Ira: he did not have complete independence and choice of his goal.

Awareness of her creative scenario helped Ira to appreciate her husband. It has always been equally important for her to create and to return home, where they love and wait. Now she realized what kind of rear and support her beloved man was for her, and found many ways to be creative in relationships with him.

To contact the creative part, we prescribed the following steps for Ira.

STEPS TO GET OUT OF THE CREATIVE CRISIS

1. Read Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way.

2. Have a «creative date with yourself» weekly. Alone, go wherever you want: a park, a cafe, a theater.

3. Take care of the creative child within you. Listen and fulfill his creative whims and desires. For example, buy yourself a hoop and embroider according to your mood.

4. Once a month and a half to fly to another country, even if only for one day. Wander the streets of the city alone. If this is not possible, change the environment.

5. In the morning, say to yourself: “I hear myself and manifest my creative energy in the most perfect way! I am talented and I know how to show it!”

***

Ira «gathered» herself, acquired new meanings, saved her family and set new goals. Now she is doing her project and is happy.

A creative crisis is a need to reach new meanings of a higher order. This is a signal to let go of the past, find new sources of inspiration and fully express yourself. How? Relying on yourself and following your true desires. That’s the only way we’ll know what we’re capable of.