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Neurotic traits can be found in many successful people, from Albert Einstein to Woody Allen. Nervousness can push you to search for the best and constantly work on yourself. But she can turn into a recluse if you do not keep her in check.
Doorbell. Calm down, it’s just checking the counters. What if they don’t have shoe covers with them? Where did the guest slippers go? No, these are not allowed – they are with a hole. Where is the money? Damn, there is only change in the wallet – how can you pay off the master? Blush again, make excuses …
Living with neuroticism is hard – trifling problems take on a dramatic color. An accidental skirmish in transport can ruin the whole day, and a friend’s missed birthday can become an excuse to never talk to him again (out of shame, of course).
Temperament researchers define neuroticism (or neuroticism) as sensitivity to negative emotions. It can be reduced – in this case, the person is in control of himself, but is distinguished by rudeness and insensitivity. And with high neuroticism, he constantly has some anxiety in the background. Usually it does not cause problems, but strong shocks and constant stress can turn it into a neurosis – and this is already a disease.
If you tend to be neurotic, you have a low tolerance for energy-consuming emotions like anger and anxiety.
The tendency to increased neuroticism manifests itself already in early childhood. Such children are easy to distinguish from the rest: they are afraid of strangers or unusual surroundings, they do not like bright lights, loud sounds and fuss. Over time, the fear of criticism, conflicts and uncertain situations in which you need to think quickly and improvise is added to this list.
You try to avoid them – and as a result you seem passive, indecisive, colorless. Such people miss their chances, falling into the scenario of the eternal “non-winners” (as psychologist Eric Berne called them) – people who work until the seventh sweat, but cannot advance beyond the head of the department. Their own obsession with negativity prevents them from getting to the top.
It is pointless to ignore or suppress your experiences – in this way you risk upsetting your psyche. Obsessive-compulsive disorder occurs precisely as an attempt to cope with intrusive thoughts.
“The problem is not that we experience a lot of negative emotions, but that we allow them to take over our thoughts and actions,” explains psychologist Rebecca Skinner, author of The Temperament Handbook. The best way to deal with sensitivity to negative emotions is to learn how to deal with them.
What to do?
Replace “negative” with “difficult”
The problem won’t go away if we just change the words. But this action is “permissive” in nature: we change the image of something repulsive and frightening to a more neutral one. Difficult does not mean impossible. Difficult only means that we have to go some way. Perhaps we will become stronger if we deal with this experience. One way or another, we will no longer have a reason to avoid it.
Get ready for adventure
Psychotherapist Luis Cozolino, author of Why Therapy Works, argues that one of the biggest dangers for a neurotic is missing out on the fun in life because of his anxiety. Imagine what you lose when you are afraid to leave the house: communication with wonderful people, traveling, feeling the fullness of life.
Describing Your Feelings on Paper Can Help Relieve Anxiety Symptoms
What to do? Develop the ability to take risks. Do things you would never do and practice it consistently. Fear of the first step is the most difficult (not negative!) moment to overcome. Try replacing it with curiosity. As if you are an explorer, and the world around you is an unfamiliar planet on which you have to get comfortable.
Learn to analyze your condition
Oddly enough, it is the close attention to your thoughts and emotions that can help weaken their hold on the mind. The ability to accurately distinguish and name emotions does not allow them to tangle into a dark, sinister tangle. It is easier to work with a specific sense of embarrassment because of the upcoming meeting with the employer than with a sense of shame for your existence in front of the whole world.
Express feelings in words
The very process of naming feelings brings relief. Experiments by psychologist James Pennebaker have shown that expressive writing (describing your feelings on paper) for 20 minutes over three days helps relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Lose control of your thoughts
A colleague didn’t hold the elevator doors open for you. You feverishly sort through your memory: maybe you let him down in the past? Didn’t say hello yesterday? Or did they give you some other reason to hate you? In fact, maybe he was just in a hurry. Or didn’t notice you. Or maybe he was just annoyed. One way or another, you have no reason to believe that he is angry with you.
You can’t know what’s going on in the other person’s head, so don’t worry about it.
In situations where you get stuck on interpreting a situation, remember dispositional awareness. This is a state in which you proceed only from the information that is available to you. You can’t know what’s going on in the other person’s head, so don’t worry about it. You don’t have to know this. As soon as you feel that you are starting to fantasize, mentally weed out exact knowledge from assumptions and stick only to the first.