Contents
We return again and again in our thoughts to the one who hurt us. Gradually, an invisible enemy fills our entire inner life. How to get rid of painful experiences?
Walking in a vicious circle causes us only suffering. In the book How to Awaken the Healing Powers of the Brain and Reclaim Your Body, Joy, and Life Itself, writer and blogger Donna Jackson Nakazawa gathers all the existing experience of Western techniques and Eastern practices that will help break the vicious circle.
Sometimes it’s better to keep silent
“This has become my motto in dealing with aggressive, oppressive people,” Donna Nakazawa admits from the first pages of the book. – Sometimes they deliberately provoke us into a conflict, and you punish them by depriving them of this opportunity. By choosing not to react, you will most likely soon feel how little resentment is for you, and the tension will subside.
The posture of suspension will save you energy that you would have wasted on pointless worries and contemplating retaliatory strikes.
Don’t recriminate
When we blame each other, mutual misunderstanding and resentment accumulate like a snowball. In the end, we come to a situation in which there are no right and wrong – everyone is left with their own claims and their own truth. The parties simply stop hearing each other.
Don’t try to understand the offender’s motivation
Ask yourself: if strangers tried to understand why you acted this way and not otherwise, would they cope with this task? Most likely, they would not even have guessed why your reaction was the way it was.
So is it worth wasting time on meaningless actions or trying to determine why you had to listen to hurtful and unfair words? The answer to this question has nothing to do with your life and well-being.
Don’t let yourself be forced into a negative emotional state.
Stop and say to yourself: “Before I met this person, I was calm, balanced and happy with the way my day is going. Is this meeting worth losing the old sense of self?
Deal with your main internal enemy
Buddhist meditation teacher Norman Fisher reminds us that our main enemy is our own anger. Internal aggression gives rise to a cloud of negative emotions that prevent you from reacting deliberately. Therefore, you need to negotiate not with an outside offender from the outside, but first of all with yourself.
When worry, regret, or anger take over, remember that the state we are experiencing is real, but not true.
Find your path – it can be meditation, exercise, long walks, silence in silence – something that gives a feeling of inner fullness and balance.
Realize that thoughts are not objective facts
Anxiety, tension, fear we feel at the physical level. We perceive these emotions as an objective reality. Therefore, we begin to interpret thoughts as reliable facts.
As the Tibetan Buddhist Tsokini Rinpoche teaches, “When we are overwhelmed by anxiety, regret, or anger, remember that the state we are experiencing is real, but not true.”
What lessons can we learn?
“The feeling of anger locks us in a reservoir of endless suffering,” says psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach. It is contained in the formula: event + our spontaneous reaction = suffering.
Thinking about exactly how we feel and why we are now experiencing will help move us forward. So we get a different formula: event + analysis of feelings and one’s state + presence in the present, instead of worries about what has already passed = internal growth. So the choice is only ours – to concentrate on development or on suffering.
You won’t turn back time
What happened yesterday is gone in the same way as what was thousands of years ago. We cannot rewrite the tragic events of history and take them for granted. Similarly, it is not in our power to change what happened a week ago. Consider that this painful episode no longer exists – time has dissolved it.
Farewell, it’s in your best interest
Psychologist Jack Kornfield once remarked: “We are so loyal and loyal to our suffering, as if they were our best friends, and we try our best not to betray or leave them.” Yes, what happened to you hurt and was probably unfair. However, does what happened determine who you really are?
In order for a thought to gain its strength and dissolve like a wave, the brain needs 90 seconds.
There have been many good human encounters in your life. Forgiving the person who hurt you will help you move on. You are not doing this for the offender, but for yourself.
Think of the abuser with kindness
While it is in our best interest to forgive and let go of oppressive thoughts, it is not easy to do so. Intuition development coach Wanda Lasseter-Lundy suggests that in moments when we cannot get rid of painful experiences, send a beautiful luminous ball to a person. Imagine that your grievances dissolve in this light and the ball takes them out of your life.
Switch attention
“Here is an image that always helps me in difficult times,” says Donna Nakazawa. “Imagine that you are at the bottom of the ocean. All your negative thoughts and painful memories do not belong to you, but live a separate life and swim past like various fish. Try to close your eyes, imagine these pictures, saying aloud or to yourself everything that your imagination draws.
Get rid of negative thoughts
Neuropsychologist Dan Siegel draws an analogy between thoughts and the waves of the sea: “It takes 90 seconds for a thought to gain its strength and dissolve, like a wave breaking on shore stones. Give yourself this time to take fifteen deep breaths in and out. Thus, you will also break your wave of negative thoughts that prevent you from moving on. ”