How to find true love

It takes courage to realize these three truths. For this, I had to face the harsh reality once again. One day at dinner, the partner said: “I give up, I can no longer try to love you. I can’t find a way for you. I can’t figure out how to communicate with you so that you don’t immediately get into a defensive stance. I’m tired, so I’ll just focus on myself.»

I got angry and started defending myself again. I lacked the empathy and compassion skill to understand and notice his emotions. I thought: “Why should I stay with a person who no longer wants to try? If he gave up, then what’s the point? Then I give up.»

This scenario ruled my life for many years, I constantly lived in a state of dissatisfaction with relationships. It seemed to me that no one cares about my needs. Then I discovered for myself those very three truths, without which love will pass by, even if it is here.

1. Expectations are a way to plan in advance what you will be offended by.

We think that the partner should satisfy some of our needs. But we expect this because we cannot satisfy them ourselves. Or at least recognize their presence, get to know your needs.

If we do not understand how to take care of our heart and what we need emotionally, psychologically, physically and spiritually, then we will expect that someone else will do it for us and take responsibility for our well-being in all areas. straightaway. You should not count on it, not a single partner will be able to read thoughts or body language at an advanced level, and he is not obliged to.

2. We all want to feel loved and cared for.

This is fine. If you say that you don’t want this at all and you don’t care at all, I won’t even pretend that I believed at least one word. So please stop trying to convince yourself and others of this.

We all want to be loved. We want to be taken care of, supported, admired by us. But until we recognize this need, it cannot be satisfied. And not because no one will love and support us, will, and how. But it will always seem to us that this is not something, this is not enough. Anger will repel love, and we will be left alone. Then it will turn into sadness, and this will lead to the false belief that we are not enough either.

3. Belief in your inadequacy makes you blame your partner instead of learning to be responsible for your own well-being.

We often feel like no one understands us. We think: “I don’t need so much. Just a person who will think not only about himself, will respect me, sometimes help with some problems. We blame others for our condition, we look for and find the reasons why we find ourselves in this situation. Because of this, we stop looking for other opportunities, options for development. Suddenly it turns out that we are stuck in a place that we do not like. Stuck, we stop growing and developing, we ourselves refuse to destroy destructive patterns in relationships.

How to let love into your life?

The first thing to do is to become aware of the recurring patterns that most of us have. What broken pattern do you use in relationships from time to time? Once you’ve identified this pattern (maybe more than one), tell yourself to change it. It is not easy to do this alone, it is worth stocking up on any support and help that is available to you. Help is needed not because you are a weak and desperate person, but because you have decided to change your life. Change always requires courage, strength and help.

Even a therapist or coach you can turn to won’t do everything for you. The only person who can change your life is yourself. No one will free you from doubts and fears, will not make you feel like a wonderful and complete person, if you yourself do not believe in it.

It doesn’t matter if the partner leaves the toilet lid up, does the dishes, throws underwear past the bin, or forgets to floss at the sink, it doesn’t matter. Don’t waste your energy complaining, use it to understand what you need to be a happy person.

You owe it to yourself and a partner who tries to love you but constantly runs into the barriers you put up. If you don’t let love into your life, you push it away. If you really want love to settle in your heart, you must do your best to take care of yourself. Recognize the needs and accept them. Don’t waste time and energy feeling insignificant and «insufficient». After all, when we accept and love our true selves, we begin to radiate light and it attracts those who are able to share true love with us.