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Despair, hopelessness, disappointment – all these are echoes of deceived expectations. It’s especially hard for perfectionists to put up with failure, but wouldn’t it be better to stop grieving and realize that imperfection can be beautiful?
You can’t envy perfectionists: they are extremely demanding of themselves and those around them, and if their expectations are not met, they begin to suffer – get nervous, angry, mope. They can’t bear the thought of failure.
How to stop seeing life as a series of potential defeats? Learn to set realistic goals for yourself and divide them into mini-tasks that can be completed in one day. And then everything will work out – without unnecessary stress and grief.
Let’s try to believe that everything in this world, no matter how imperfect it may seem, is perfect in its own way. Let’s allow ourselves to be flawed. When we stop trying to bring everything to the ideal, it becomes easier to breathe. Here’s how to do it.
1. Make realistic plans
Perfectionists tend to set unreasonably high standards, not just for themselves but for others. Since it is almost impossible to provide such a result, they are not left feeling powerless and annoyed. It is necessary to lower the bar of expectations to a reasonable level.
Write down a long-term goal and break it down into small chunks—say, weekly chunks. Mark each completed step with a checkmark. Eventually you will come to success. This method helps to concentrate and cope with fears and doubts (but when you try to do something grandiose without a specific plan, they inevitably arise).
2. Spare yourself
Are you familiar with the expression “the harshest critic is inside us”? Everything is so: we are so striving for an ideal result that we literally destroy ourselves if something goes wrong. Excessive self-criticism makes us feel inferior. But no one is perfect, everyone has mistakes and difficulties.
The habit of constantly scolding yourself takes strength and pushes you into a dark pool of negative emotions. When we forgive ourselves for mistakes and oversights, we manage to believe that next time everything will be fine. If something doesn’t work out, don’t give up: pause and start over. Be more indulgent to yourself, tell yourself a couple of encouraging words, take a walk, and your strength will definitely be restored.
3. Don’t stop
Instead of seeing every mistake as a failure, consider it an integral part of moving forward. It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s the only way to gain experience and succeed. If you fail, try again.
4. Value Your Qualities, Not Achievements
We have the right to be proud of our merits, but we must not forget that few know about our successes, but our character is in plain sight. He who measures his worth by personal achievements involuntarily tries to surpass himself and is forced to constantly prove that he is the best. The dangerous habit of trying to win every time leads to overwork and increased anxiety.
Each of us is valuable in itself, regardless of what we have achieved and what we have been the best at. The main thing is to take place as a person, so focus on your qualities, virtues and abilities, and not on the number of awards in your track record.
5. Moving towards the goal, enjoy the process.
Perfectionists’ self-esteem is closely tied to their accomplishments, so they get hung up on the result and don’t know how to enjoy the process. When you take on a challenging project, remember to keep your interest: it’s great to have new experiences. Isn’t that what you wanted?
If you have to do something that you don’t have a soul for, focus on the details. This will allow you to learn a lot about yourself and discover that you are able to succeed even in what you initially did not like. The ability to immerse yourself in the process reduces the nervous tension caused by the expectation of the final result, and most importantly, along with new skills, we learn important life lessons.
6. Be yourself
Perfectionists like to be praised: parents, teacher, boss. There is nothing reprehensible in this, if you do not start living for the sake of others, abandoning your own “I”.
The one who always tries to please others lives in constant anxiety – what if they are not satisfied? And if this happens, he blames himself for everything. Focusing on others means that you care only about the welfare of others and do not consider your own values, needs and desires. But the key components of success are pride and the desire for self-realization.
7. Don’t try to be perfect
Sometimes perfectionists do not give themselves concessions even in small things. Ordinary household chores turn into tasks of paramount importance: the furniture must be polished to a shine, the folds must be aligned “under the ruler”, the essay must be rewritten five times so that there are no blots. Often this ends with physical and nervous exhaustion.
This is not about leaving the house or doing everything the wrong way, remember that perfection is basically impossible to achieve.
8. Love your flaws
Nobody is perfect, including you. We are wrong, everyone has weaknesses. One of the main wisdoms of life is the ability to accept your strengths and weaknesses. Thanks to this, we learn to simply be, to live in harmony with ourselves, without unnecessary expectations and disappointments. It is necessary to love yourself, otherwise you will not be able to love and accept others.
Unconditional love does not notice flaws and weaknesses. Loving yourself unconditionally means being kind to yourself, managing your time wisely, resting when you need it, and finding resources for urgent tasks. When we decide to get rid of perfectionism, life becomes easier: we finally accept the world as it is, despite its imperfections.
Source: IHeartIntelligence.