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Look for a wife not in a round dance, but in a garden
Victoria Tarusova writes: Recently I helped a friend prepare for a meeting of guests and went shopping with him. The store is large and needed a lot of groceries. In order not to lose my time, I undertook to “steer” and say what can be bought and what cannot (criteria: usefulness, cost, ease of use). We collected a full cart and at the checkout a friend said: “When I get ready to get married, I will take a test and bring the girl to the store for shopping.” To the question «why?». He said that during this hour he learned a lot about me: thriftiness / mismanagement, stinginess / squandering, a healthy / unhealthy lifestyle, the ability / inability to make choices, exposure to advertising / one’s own point of view, and even the ability to behave in a critical situation and who will rule the family…
In conversations, everything is usually good, but in deeds, a real, real person is found. Going to a bar with a girl is cute, but not informative. Going on a hike with her is informative, you will learn a lot of new things. Even going somewhere far away in a car is a good life situation, because sitting in a car for two days next to you is already a serious test.
One wise woman tested men like this. She invited me to visit, and when he came, she said: “Wait a minute, I need to wash the floors!” If after that the man sat on the sofa and picked up a newspaper, she would no longer meet with him. And one immediately offered his help — he became her wonderful husband.
Look for someone with similar values, attitudes and expectations
How to find out who is next to you.
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The basis of personality is the values, attitudes and expectations towards others, which in particular sound in his statements, are reflected in the expression of his eyes and face, are expressed in his habits. If your partner has values, attitudes and expectations similar to yours, you will be in harmony with each other, if your values and attitudes are very different, the possibility of your life together is a big question. How do you find out how aligned your values, attitudes and expectations are? The following tips will help you with this:
- Family photo — possible
Our face reflects our whole life, and our eyes reflect our values, and it is no coincidence that Oscar Wilde said: “Only a superficial person does not judge by appearance.” A funny trick is based on this, but it often works: imagine yourself and your chosen one (your chosen one) together in an official family photo. If a family photo turns out of you, you are paired up in a photo — a relationship between you is (theoretically) possible. At the same time, harmony and happiness are not guaranteed. But if it’s hard to imagine you side by side in a family photo, you can almost confidently say that you shouldn’t be with each other. You are from different breeds. Or perhaps your values and lifestyle are too different.
- Take a look at your parents
If we were brought up by parents, then we adopted a lot of their way of life, their features and habits from them simply because children imitate those around them. And if you want to better understand and get to know someone who is dear and interesting to you, be sure to try to get to know the family, the parents of this person who is attractive to you. See →
- Ask, organize projective television
What a person tells about himself directly, he usually controls consciously or not. And he won’t tell too much about himself. But when a person speaks about others, few people understand that his statements about others most clearly characterize him. See →
- Please use the Family Contract Fundamentals questionnaire.
One of the easiest and most effective ways to get to know each other in earnest is to discuss the Family Contract Basics Questionnaire. See →
Trial marriage
Some couples, in order to get to know each other in a life together, arrange a trial marriage. Trial marriage, as a form of friend recognition, has its pros and cons. See →