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Making friends is not so easy – many in this business had to deal with their own shyness, and with the disinterest of the interlocutor. But it is much more difficult for those who suffer from depression, anxiety or a personality disorder. How can you help yourself? First of all, make friends with yourself.
We know how much mental disorders can change our lives. And in the social sphere, concerning communication with other people, their influence is palpable no less:
- The brain automatically “turns on” the pattern of negative interpretations of situations and actions – both one’s own and others’. As a result, we not only feel strongly about the words and actions of other people, but also engage in severe self-flagellation;
- We are left without energy and any motivation. Not surprisingly, the desire to communicate and lead an active social life also disappears;
- Our thinking and behavior become disorganized: it prevents us from making any plans, including meetings with friends;
- Strong experiences wake up – anger, irritability, longing, emotional overexcitation, which prevent us from controlling ourselves;
- We cannot trust other people.
“The various problems that arise from the symptoms of mental disorders make it difficult to make new friends and maintain friendships. However, this does not mean at all that you are doomed to a life of loneliness, emphasizes psychologist-consultant Tanya Peterson. —
These symptoms do not determine your worth as a person and do not make you unworthy of friendship at all! There are no perfect people in the world, but each of us has the right to communication and meaningful personal relationships.”
How to make friends with yourself
“Because we spend most of our time alone with ourselves, it’s important to make friends with ourselves in the first place,” Peterson notes. If we manage to love ourselves, then we begin to literally radiate confidence, thereby demonstrating to others that we consider ourselves worthy of friendship and a good relationship.
Of course, building friendships, even with yourself, can be a difficult test, because there is always a reason for self-criticism, disappointment, or even refusal to change something. Here is where you can start your journey:
Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses
Yes, you have certain symptoms of the disorder, but they do not define you as a person. If you find yourself beating yourself up, try to explain in writing why you are doing it – so it will be easier for you to objectively assess your situation. Tell yourself that your “flaws” are just symptoms, and list your other qualities. We are sure that you have something to love yourself for.
Do what brings you joy
To get out of the trap that mental illness drives you into, try to devote more time to activities that you really enjoy. And remember that pleasure and joy can manifest themselves in different ways. For some it is a burst of energy, for others it is a feeling of happiness or calmness. Think about what gives you positive emotions (even if it’s small!) and how you can increase their number in your life?
Take care of your health
Healthy eating and exercise play an important role in building friendships with yourself. But only if you really like them. No need to torture yourself with fitness if you secretly sigh for yoga. As we have said, choose only what resonates with you.
“Taking good care of yourself improves brain function and overall well-being, which can help reduce anxiety and other symptoms. Thanks to this, it will be much easier for you to communicate and develop relationships with other people, ”says Tanya Peterson.
Decide what is most important to you in friendships
Not everyone wants to have a hundred friends and communicate with them every day. And even more so every day to see each other. “Our ideas about friendship are largely distorted due to stereotypes coming from movies, TV shows and especially from social networks, where users constantly post photos together and tag each other. In reality, friendships often develop much more quietly and unobtrusively,” Peterson notes.
Ask yourself: what does friendship mean to you? If two people are enough for you to communicate comfortably and meet occasionally, this is completely normal. If you want to have a large circle of friends but don’t make a commitment to meet each of them regularly, that’s fine too. The main thing is to understand what you really want and decide on your goals.