How to find and win your Queen

Commentary on the film «Coming to America»

The image of the handsome Prince, whose invariable attributes are a crown on his head, a retinue and a white horse (or at least a white Merc) is firmly rooted in the popular mind. But if you focus on the shine of the crown and the color of the horse, you can miss the point. Maybe that inconspicuous young man who sweeps the floor in an inexpensive cafe is a real prince who came to the city incognito to find his dream? About how to accept life and its surprises with delight, how to take out the garbage with regal dignity and how to win a seemingly unattainable princess — in order to find out all this, the film is worth watching.

There was a prince in a small African kingdom. Moreover, he lived in such a way that his European crowned colleagues could quietly cry in a corner with envy: his path was always strewn with rose petals, and according to etiquette it was supposed to take a bath exclusively with beautiful naked bathers (they were also responsible for the sexual education of the young prince).

When Prince Akim turned 21, his parents introduced him to his future wife. By the way, the bride to the heir was chosen thoughtfully, from childhood they were taught how to please the future husband, to fulfill his every desire. Add to this a pretty face, seductive forms — and in front of you is just a dream of a family man. However, the prince was not satisfied.

Sam, bodyguard and best friend: Wouldn’t you like to undress her right there on the spot?

Prince Akim: I want to find a wife who will excite not only my loins but also my intellect.

At this point, I hear the groan of all men tired of hopeless family life: well, what else does he need, this prince ??? Ah, I would like such an unquestioning wife who cares only about the welfare of her husband. The sweetest fantasies begin to swarm in my head, and no “Leave me alone, my head hurts!”, “I want a new fur coat” and “I won’t give it, you didn’t throw out the trash today.”

However, the prince wanted more, he wanted to find a woman who could be solved like a riddle that would interest him day after day, for whom he would perform feats. He will be able to present his whole kingdom as a gift to her, but at the same time, she should love only him. Finally, Akim just wanted to fall in love himself.

It was for this that the prince went to America with his friend Sam, away from the conservative father-king. And after some time he fulfilled the first point of his program: he found that very extraordinary girl (the daughter of the owner of the restaurant), with whom he fell head over heels in love. Now it remains to conquer it, and here the fun begins.

It would seem something simpler: handsome, charming, having the ability to provide the most expensive signs of attention, from which the heart of any girl will melt, even such a clever and beautiful woman like Lisa. Take her a couple of times in a luxury car to high society, and after a while she will begin to appreciate him, cherish him and, quite possibly, sincerely fall in love.

But the prince is not looking for easy ways. He rents the squalidest apartment, takes a job at a restaurant as the latest janitor, and devises a plan of action to win over his boss’s daughter.

Wise Sam: Tell her that you sent her earrings for 25 thousand dollars, she will throw herself into your arms, and we will leave this godforsaken hole!

Akim: I cant. I want her to love ME, and not because I am a prince.

Sam (almost crying in despair): Do you want to clean the way to her heart with a mop?!

Of course, the prince succeeds. But how? How, in a short time, without saying a word about your origin, remaining for her only a poor Negro cleaner, he was able to interest her, subdue her with his mind, so that Liza preferred him to a handsome and rich fiancé?

Fat waiter (sadly watching Lisa and her rich boyfriend): I don’t know how it is in Africa, but here the rich get everything, including the best girls. You can’t argue against money!

But it’s not about the money. The fat man is absolutely sure that Lisa will never condescend to him, that she is a girl not of his level. Simply put, he knows that he is not a prince. And that is why she will never pay attention to him.

He: After all, I also started with washing the floors, and now I’m already washing the salad, then they will transfer me to potatoes, then to the grill. In a year or two, I’ll be an assistant manager, and then big money will come!

Only then will he allow himself to look at more expensive girls, but by no means at the boss’s daughter.

Akim, unlike him, is confident in himself, he knows that he can win Lisa. And to feel like a real prince, he does not need a fancy car or retinue. So, there is confidence, the task has been set, and now only a few steps separate him from the goal.

By the way, he sent Liza earrings for 25 thousand. Incognito, with a note: «From a fan, but not from Darrell.» But this was done for the sole purpose of lest Lisa obsess over her rich boyfriend and decide that this is her only chance to successfully marry. The presence of several admirers gives a woman the opportunity to calmly look around, and not nervously hold on to a single one. But if you do not have 25 thousand dollars, you can send a beautiful bouquet.

Step 1. Acquaintance

Lisa sits in her father’s office doing bookkeeping. Akim washes the floor. For her, he is still nobody, one of the many poor Negro cleaners who worked all his life for her father. But that’s just for now.

Akim (following the mop enters the office, proudly straightens up, with a confident smile): Hello!

Lisa (breaking away for a second): Hi!

Akim (again attracting attention, waiting): Hi!

Lisa (surprised) Hello!

Akim: I am Akim.

Lisa: Very nice, Akim! (and what else is left for her? Although she does not name herself, she is not going to get acquainted).

Akim (with dignity, as if he had just been appointed general manager): They put me in charge of the garbage. Do you have any urns that need to be emptied?

Liza (expressively shaking the empty urn): There is nothing.

Akim: When it’s full, feel free to call me. I will come and take everything out immediately.

Lisa: Well, it’s good to know.

Akim: As soon as you think of garbage, immediately think of Akim! (Yes, the phrase turned out to be stupid, it’s time to be embarrassed, but the prince is still confident in himself). It’s time for me to go sanitize the catering department. Maybe we’ll have time to talk on a professional level. (Hint to next meeting)

Lisa: All the best Akim…

So, the deed is done. Now he is not just a dumb floor washer for her, she remembered his name, singled him out from others. Now, oddly enough, every time she throws out the garbage, she will remember his smile, which means thinking about him very often.

And Akim does not sit in a corner, she constantly comes across on the way and allows her to recognize her many-sided personality. Several meetings, conversations, and Lisa realizes that she is facing an unusual, interesting, sympathetic, incredibly cool guy.

Step 2. Recognition

Lisa: You know, you’re a very unusual guy. I have never seen anyone with such pride, with such dignity, mop the floor.

Akim: «He who wants to learn to fly must first learn to walk.» I didn’t say it, Nietzsche said it.

Lisa: Exactly. We usually don’t have guys who quote Nietzsche.

Sometimes I get the impression that before his trip to America, Akim diligently visited the African Sinton or another psychological center, the techniques “Total Yes, or complete acceptance of the world”, “Good!”, “Royal posture and smile” (which, incidentally, , no wonder), “Non-Standard Actions” — and all together makes up his very extraordinary personality.

What makes him so interesting in communication?

1. Who can be called truly energetic people are the heroes of Eddie Murphy. What is energy? Akim moves faster, is more emotional (moreover, positive emotions), and his energy willy-nilly is transferred to others.

2. Attentiveness to the interlocutor. When Akim looks at the interlocutor, his eyes burn, they express delight from communication and complete understanding. He knows how to listen and will always find something to agree on.

3. In any situation, you can find the best — his motto. Whatever happens, it’s just amazing. Was all your luggage stolen? No problem. Now there is an excuse to go to the store and dress like real Americans.

Or how would you feel, for example, if rubbish was thrown on your head? You can feel anger and indignation, or you can react the other way around.

Akim (admiringly): Awesome! America is a great country! Imagine another country where there is so much freedom that you can throw garbage out of the window into the street!

Understand me correctly, I am also against street pollution, but why pollute your own soul with negativity? And most importantly, how much easier it is to communicate with a person who has such an optimistic outlook on life.

4. Akim easily expresses his opinion and is not afraid to appear stupid or ignorant. And if stupidity froze, then he does it confidently and naturally.

Akim at a basketball game.

Akim: Hooray! Hooray! Well done!

Darell: What are you screaming? After all, it’s a break now.

Akim: This is my favorite part of the game!

5. Finally, he is educated and knows how to insert a quote at the right time. Dear men! By the way, it is very useful to read the clever thoughts of great people. And if you manage to insert something beautiful in the right place … Firstly, the very fact of knowing a quote, for example, Confucius, has such an effect on young intelligent girls that they often lose the thread of the conversation and switch to praising your erudition. And secondly, with these tricky phrases you can argue your words; you can’t argue with great authorities, especially since philosophical thoughts can be understood this way and that…

Step 3. Feat

The climax of the film: robbers with machine guns break into the restaurant. Akim and Sam do a great job with their mop. Of course, in front of Lisa. He, the prince, is well, since childhood he studied martial arts. But, really, it’s not at all necessary to be an African prince and wait for gangster attacks to hit your girlfriend? There is always room for achievement in life.

Step 4. Attention and comfort

It is, of course, good and prestigious for any man to fight with robbers. But there is something that women value much more than feats, because not all men are capable of it. I’m talking about the ability to listen, understand and comfort at the right time.

It’s no secret that men think objectively and understand much better how to fix a broken motor than how to bring an upset woman back to normal. Here she is, sitting and worrying, maybe even crying. Say something wrong, and another explosion of tears. And then it turns out that she herself does not know what she is going through.

What to do with her? First, don’t let her worry about herself. As you know, women love to talk out loud and the solution to the problem comes faster when discussing. Here the task of the interlocutor is to actively listen, agreeing, to look for arguments that the woman is right. And sometimes it happens that there is no problem at all, but there is resentment, irritation, lack of attention. You can help her understand her feelings, voice them, and then they will evaporate by themselves, and the man will deserve at least gratitude.

So, back to the prince. Akim and Sam wait on a party at Lisa’s house. Unexpectedly, her father announces the engagement of his daughter to the rich man Darell, although Lisa has not yet given her consent. Angry at the whole world, the girl runs away into the garden, where Akim finds her. Without a word, he covers her with a jacket (a sign of concern) and brings champagne with two glasses. No “What happened?”, “Why are you sad here?”.

​​​​​​​I note that in the next dialogue, Akim generally avoids “you-addresses” as containing an assessment. Agreeing, consoling, he speaks only about his feelings, his opinion. (Compare: “You are absolutely right” and “I think so too.” The first statement contains my assessment of the interlocutor from the position from above, the second only expresses that “I am the same”, we are equal and think the same (More about “I am ” and “You-messages” can be read in the class book by Y. B. Gippenreiter “Communicate with a child. How?” Basically, it is written about children, how to understand them and what they generally want. But the same can be said about women, especially if they behave like children).

Akim: Maybe some champagne?

Lisa: No thanks, I’m not in a festive mood at all… (Akim wants to leave, but Liza stops him) Sit with me for a while. (Pause)

Akim (turning to Lisa, mirroring her pose): Are you all right?

Lisa: Yes, I’m fine. I just don’t like being pushed into marriage, not by Darrell, not by my father, not by anyone. (Translation: I want to be considered an independent girl!)

Akim: I understand perfectly. In my country, many marriages are arranged in this way. But you can’t marry out of a sense of duty.

Lisa: You’re right. (Sure, because he agreed with her! But Lisa is not interested in the country of Akim, she is in her thoughts). And Darrell didn’t even think about it!

Akim: You and I are similar.

Lisa: He made me so angry… Or maybe I had an inadequate reaction? (seeking approval).

Akim: I think that the first reaction is just the most adequate!

Lisa (thankfully): You know, it’s so simple and easy with you! I can tell you anything… Thank you for listening to me.

Such a statement from the lips of a woman means that she elevated him to the rank of her emotional friends. This means that she trusts him, she feels safe with him. This emotional closeness will not necessarily lead to love, but in the soul of a woman they are very, very close concepts.

For several more conversations with Akim, Lisa will recall aloud her relationship with Darrell. Probably, the man does not understand this. It is difficult to imagine a man who, with a new girlfriend, will tell in detail how and why he met with the old ones. But Lisa needs to experience liberation from her former love, and this is best done in a conversation with a loved one, who undoubtedly is her beloved man. Thus, speaking aloud, she seems to release obsolete feelings to freedom, while feeling great gratitude towards the listener.

The final

Lisa: Why did you come to America?

Akim: To find something special.

Lisa: So far?

Akim: Distance doesn’t matter, if you find what you’re looking for.

Lisa: Do you all talk like that in Africa? It’s nice to be around a person who can express his thoughts so beautifully.

So, everything is done. A romantic dinner in a cafe, a slow dance and a final kiss completed the job. But the unexpected arrival of the father-king changes everything radically: Lisa finds out that she was deceived and breaks off relations. The situation is exactly the same as in the movie «Moscow does not believe in tears.» Moreover, in both cases, the deceived heroes have no reason to doubt the sincerity of the feelings of their loved ones. The only reason for the gap is “Well, he deceived me”, “She lied to me”.

What you fought for, so you need it. Akim wanted a girl with her own opinion — get it. Now the prince again had the opportunity to perform feats: run after her along the subway, assure that he really came to America for a bride, solemnly offer his hand and heart, publicly abdicate the throne and hear another “no”.

Why? It seems that everyone is deceiving, especially at the beginning of a relationship. They embellish themselves, their thoughts, their virtues. And he just hid his origin. It’s like Pretty Woman from the film of the same name, who took off her creepy blonde wig, and underneath it turned out to be gorgeous hair. She also cheated.

And although it seemed to the prince that he explained the whole necessity and even the usefulness of his deceit, he did not take into account that the unspoken “he experimented on me”, “he considers me a complete fool” is ready to explode inside the girl. It is very painful and unbearable to feel like a person who can be fooled, especially in the eyes of a loved one, and next to this pain, all reasonable arguments about the “benefit of the cause” fade away.

And in this situation, Akim needed not to be convinced: “I wanted you to love me not because I am a prince” (but in translation: “I tested you, I don’t trust women”). He just had to say, “I wanted to test myself: can I win you, be worthy of such an extraordinary girl like you, without having a high position. Now, I beg you, accept my kingdom as a gift.» Did you catch the difference? The first is an experiment on a girl, the second is a fairy tale.

Fortunately, the film ends with a happy ending, and love wins over resentment, because Lisa is a smart girl with her own opinion in order to properly prioritize.